I don't know what to do ! I'm so conflicted by this. My partner and I have been together for 2 years. I met Steve 2 years ago at a New Year's Eve party and ever since then we've been inseparable. 5 months into the relationship we moved in together . He's an artist and I'm a full time nurse so his income was never really steady and at times never coming in at all. I never looked through a guys phone but I had this uneasy feeling one day when he left the house. I dread doing this til this day but I saw an email from a woman saying very sexual things. I would try to look at his replies but it looked as if he erased them. When I would question him he would deny and basically defer it on me saying I'm insecure an how dare I invade his privacy. Though it was wrong to look through his phone I still felt that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. For the next few months the messages with him and her started getting progressive. I would see her talking about being in a polyamory life with him and having children. This made me depressed. I would work 10 hour shifts, pay all the rent including food, and never had any money to myself. Not even money for women things like deodorant or soap. So me seeing these messages made me very depressed. I would try to talk to him about it and he would consul me as a friend and give me spiritual advice on how to control my thoughts. I would cry to him asking him to tell me the truth and he said that he was just flirting with her and she has an obsession with him. Then he tells me they use to date then are really good Friends. He loved the attention. I asked him about wanting multiple gf's or wives but he would say he only wanted me to stop being so insecure. Moving forward I contacted her in a friendly way basically stating who I was and if she was a good friend of Steve's then I wanted to know why she was speaking to him the way she was. She was very confused and had no idea that he had a GF and was living with me. So when Steve got home I confronted him and so did she via text. He made me feel bad saying that she was in love with him and didn't want to hurt her feelings. She was emotional and has a hx of suicdal thoughts. He told me he cut her off but I never told him to do that I just wanted the truth. This caused multiple of fights between us an then the woman would message me saying that her and Steve are together an then Steve would tell me she's crazy. This made me crazy ! This stresses me out so much tag we got evicted from our home bc I would show up to work crying and they ended up firing me. Steve is a great talker / dreamer. We would sit for hours and discuss our future goals and helping others, traveling, and having children. If I never looked at Steve's phone I was happy with our relationship besides him not putting any income I looked at it as a partnership . I was helping him focus on his dreams or beig an artist while I worked crazy hours because I loved him and believed in us. As I'm writing this I feel like a complete jack ass. So Steve and I are basically homeless. Sleeping on friends couches , families couches. While I'm angry at myself for letting my emotions and depression cause this I felt I had a partner who was by my side. A couple weeks ago I got an uneasy feeling again. I finally got a new Job I Central Park and he was staying in Harlem with family. I felt he was seeing her because I would have crazy dreams and intuition . He laughed at me said he cut her off but she has been asking how he was doing. He said he wanted to be her friend . So I messages her a peaceful message to move forward. Steve then asked me if I would have a three some . I've never been with a woman but was open to it. Then he mentioned the woman and I said no due to the drama with everything. He then mentioned polyamory to me and I was sick about it. Suddenly , I he an email from the woman stating that she would like to meet me and sent me a website all about polyamory. I replied to her stating that if Steve and I decided on it we will be in charge of that decision. She was confused , as we exchanged more information it turns out Steve was lying to her as well. Turns out they have been having sex behind my back but to them it's not cheating. It is to me because I thought I was in a monogamous relationship. I'm sad . Steve is telling me he is now " opening up " or " coming out " and I'm judging him. He's projecting it on me. It's not the lifestyle, it's the lying. Now I'm homeless with no car anymore , no job and he is trying to convince me that this is love . In selfish for only wanting him . She wants to love me too but I'm pushing it away. I'm 30 years old and want children. I had my career ! I had my home ! I had my car ! Now I'm here. Her and him are happy and I'm sad. He tells me that he can love me better then anyone and I'm pushing it away. I'm confused . Am I wrong ? This all happened in a matter of a week. She isn't making it better by being really friendly to me and all I want to do is be mean because I'm hurt. Perception is that he is using me . Perception is he is using us. When him and I are together it's beautiful. I enjoy every second and never wanted anyone else. I never looked at another man because I looked at him as my life partner. I keep going back and forth . They are both telling me to move forward and get over the past but the past is now. I had his back . I gave him a home , I was loyal, I loved him , I never complained, and he can just love her all of a sudden ?! I was the lady in his life now she is but the thing is they never were proactive. They saw each other twice in 2 years. It's recent they have been having sex . After all the things I've done for him . After all the nights I cried to him . This is what happens and I have to accept it and be in a relationship with him and her now . WHAT DO I DO ?!