Peace and joy and love

I asked last night if he minded that she hadn't shown up and he says that he doesn't. I don't get it. If everyone but me is happy with the situation I should just leave it alone. I hate that in my mind I'm already reluctant to help her out if the time comes when she needs help. Things like this shouldn't be tit for tat.

I guess this is one of the things about poly, we find partners who are suited to us. I was comparing my husband's gf to RP and Mono and my best friend. The thing is that his gf doesn't have to meet my standards. The people who are important to me in my life are there for me in the way I need them. If it isn't bothering him and he is having his needs met it's not for me to judge. I just wish that he would talk to me more about being content with the way things are (or not if he isn't) so that I don't have to guess.
 
I just wish that he would talk to me more about being content with the way things are (or not if he isn't) so that I don't have to guess.
I can understand your wanting him to let you know, but since it was a non-issue for him, it probably never occurred to him to even bring it up. You've said yourself here in your blog that you don't "post enough when things are going well." Maybe he's kind of the same way.
 
I can understand your wanting him to let you know, but since it was a non-issue for him, it probably never occurred to him to even bring it up. You've said yourself here in your blog that you don't "post enough when things are going well." Maybe he's kind of the same way.

Yep! You are such a sweetie! I guess it is just natural to want to project our own ideals of what is appropriate. Don't worry so much. He is a happy camper...well sort of, as happy as one can be with a busted ankle!;)
 
Yep! You are such a sweetie! I guess it is just natural to want to project our own ideals of what is appropriate. Don't worry so much. He is a happy camper...well sort of, as happy as one can be with a busted ankle!;)

He's all loopy on T3's I think he's pretty happy ;):D (I am kidding, the loopy was from the morphine in hospital, he's acting quite normally now)
 
Hahahahahahaha on the loopiness! Bunches of nurses in my family, so I totally get your "do and be there" kind of personality. I love it! So best of luck on the road to recovery for both you and II. Oh and the kiddoes!
 
I was looking at my avatar today and with some of the reading around BDSM that I've been doing she looks like quite the little submissive derby girl. I'm not sure where I'm going with this thought yet, it was just an observation.
 
I hate that in my mind I'm already reluctant to help her out if the time comes when she needs help. Things like this shouldn't be tit for tat.

Does her actions not set a president? I would assume she is good with what she has and doesn't need your help. Its not up to you to keep tabs on what her needs are anyway. If hubby wants to help when the time comes then that's his choice no?

The way I look at it is in terms of what I can do to help my partner. If I see some way that would help them, or if they make a request I can help out with I do. Often it means helping my metamour and that is an added bonus. Maybe if she isn't interested in helping you out or paying any attention to your partners accident then you could think about how to support HIM if it comes up that she needs help.

The other thing is that perhaps they are not as invested in each other as you and I are or me and Mono or me and PN. People invest at different levels. They aren't the same as you in their love investment.
 
Ariakas and Pengrah came over to visit this weekend. It was really nice having them here. We had a get together yesterday evening and I think everyone had a good time.

I'm completely exausted though. I worked Saturday this week on top of my usual Monday to Friday. We went to see RP's show (which I wouldn't have missed for the world) and didn't get to bed until 2! Then it was up again at 7 and off to work. Tonight I'm taking it easy with simple kid friendly food and a movie. Good thing week after next I'm taking a couple of extra days off!

There really isn't much to talk about on the poly front. I have a couple of fantastic partners and a couple of really great metamours as well. All in all I am a lucky lady :D. All this lucky lady needs now is a good long sleep.
 
What an emotionally exhausting day! I heard this morning that one of my client's passed away in the early hours of the morning. He was a good man and will be missed by many. I also had someone come in and tell me that her daughter had a tubal pregnancy and had surgery this morning. I'm glad that I get to be alone tonight. This work stuff is stuff I have to deal with by myself. I'm sad for my clients.

In brighter news I'm busy planning date nights, one tomorrow night with my dear husband. We need the time to talk to each other in a stress free type setting. What with him being broken and starting a new job I haven't exactly been pleasant and tolerant with him these past couple of weeks. It doesn't mean I love him any less he's just usually my outlet when things are bugging me so when it's stuff that has to do with him that's bugging me the outlet isn't exactly there. So the emotions build up and then the stress leaks out all over the place and I'm snippy and ill tempered.

RP and I are planning on a movie night sometime next week. We're going to see a very girly movie and I think it's going to be a blast. It will be nice to see her one on one for more than an hour.
 
Oh goody! So glad my suggestion of a date night for you two is in action. I love when you take time together. My turn next weeks sweets! Its been way too many stressful weeks. *hugs and kisses* :)
 
I was watching a documentary last night about a fellow who had been working as a professional Master for about 20 years. The documentary really went into depth about all the screwed up things that had happened to him as a child and a young man. It was making me think how much of what happens to us in our early years influences our sexuality? I was also thinking that I know a lot of people who are involved in BDSM in one form or another, and for the most part they are pretty normal people. Was this documentary just trying to be sensationalist or is there some basis in things that happen to you as a kid have you turn out a certain way as an adult?

I'm worried that in wondering these things and typing them out I'm going to offend someone in some way. I really am just trying to understand though. I'm also wondering because there are some pretty interesting things that go on in my own head that I wonder if they are attached to things from my past too? Human sexuality is such an interesting thing. I find that, at least in myself, it evolves from year to year and just when I think I'm comfortable in my sexuality there's some kind of shift.
 
I'm pretty sure that was sensationalist.

There have been a number of "polls" on various groups on fetlife - while some (and I fall into this catagory) have some history that could be used to explain WHY they're into BDSM - about 1/2 don't.

Of course those are informal polls and anecdotal and may have absolutely no basis in reality - but :p
 
So I'm going to keep on rambling because it's my blog, dammit, and I can do whatever I want to (within reason) here.

So along the lines of BDSM relating to past traumas (for those who this is the case). Is it a way to take power back from something that once held power over you? I can see it working both ways, in a dominant role literally taking the power and in a submissive role having some control over what is being done to your body and freely allowing it to happen.

I'm busy working through stuff that is kicking around in my head. This seems to be the best place possible to get some of it out and written down. I welcome any responses but I am not expecting them (yet another reason it's going in the blog section). I'm sure somehow and in some way this is related to something that I have to work through for myself. I'm not sure precisely what that is yet. I just know for the time being that this topic has my focus.
 
Is it a way to take power back from something that once held power over you? .


I definitely see this as being a motivator in some cases. You see this in other things as well; video games, the military, and almost anything that can give an otherwise seemingly powerless person control.

In this case, I see the Dom role as therapy just as sometimes I see submission being used for therapy. That's how it works for me in submitting; there is therapy contained within the punishment.
 
I definitely see this as being a motivator in some cases. You see this in other things as well; video games, the military, and almost anything that can give an otherwise seemingly powerless person control.

In this case, I see the Dom role as therapy just as sometimes I see submission being used for therapy. That's how it works for me in submitting; there is therapy contained within the punishment.

Because you feel the need to be punished and to do penance for something?
 
Which now makes me wonder if there are more submissive types (who partake in corporal punishment) among Catholics and other strict Christian religions (the ones that promote guilt).
 
Which now makes me wonder if there are more submissive types (who partake in corporal punishment) among Catholics and other strict Christian religions (the ones that promote guilt).

Catholics got the title in this area!! We've been doing this to ourselves for a very long time. I would likely have beenn an extremist in the middle ages. Hair shirt and crusader furry!
 
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