Peace and joy and love

I feel like I haven't been much of a partner lately. Work and the board for derby have been all kinds of busy and because things have been going along so well I haven't really been paying much attention. And so here I am all of a sudden realizing I haven't had much in the way of real connection time with either of my loves. I miss them (even though I have been in the same physical space as them).

My husband and I have let our structure of taking some time each night after the kids go to bed to talk to each other go. For a long time it didn't really seem like we had much to say of any importance (because things are going well). But that really isn't the point, the point is to stay connected.

RP and I have never had set date nights. So there are times when we go a couple of weeks without spending any one on one time with each other. electronic communication is a good thing but it doesn't really fill that gap.

So I think it's time to get out the calendars are set some real times for things. I'm going to plan the pants off some date nights :D
 
I was just checking out the wall on fetlife and came across a conversation that I was interested in that one of my friends had commented on. It was in a single open and/or poly group. Anyway about half way down the page there was a comment from my best friend's ex husband. This is someone who I'm really not comfortable sharing a social circle with. This city is far too small. I know I sound a bit like a big baby "these are my friends, go and find your own". I guess there really isn't anything to worry about yet since he has yet to show up at any events I go to.
 
Today has been interesting. I almost got to work and then got a call from my husband. He had taken a spill off his motorbike on his way to work and was in the hospital. So I spent most of my day there. My husband had left his bike by the side of the road and when I got there he was wondering how he was going to take care of it. So I called RP and Mono. They were fantastic, I dropped off the keys and now the bike is safely at their place. I'm so thankful that it was one less thing to worry about. I'm so greatful to have such wonderful people in my life.
 
I'm so greatful to have such wonderful people in my life.

Having extended tribal family (ETF) has proven to be an excellent source of support on more than one occasion. I was quite proud of how we came together today, each of us doing what we could.

Now if I can just get over the guilt of riding another man's bike.....funny because I live with my girlfriend and her husband :eek:

I hope he gets well soon and gets back on the road. We've got some riding to do!
 
You guys have summer.. :eek:

*looks up bus schedule to go to the island* haha

We have slightly warmer drier weather and slightly cooler wetter weather...we refer to these seasons as winter and summer although it's nothing like the extremes I grew up with.
 
So I'm trying really really hard to stay out of things between my husband and his girlfriend. As I've already written my husband broke his ankle and had surgery on it over the weekend. His girlfriend hasn't shown up at all to see how he is or to see if there's anything she can do for him. I know that it's none of my business and that there are many love languages but in my world if someone is sick or hurt and you care about them you're there for them and doing your best to help them to feel better.

I feel like she doesn't really care at all about him and that he's just there for fun for her. That's not what I want for him. He's a good guy and he deserves to have someone with him who will take care of him if he needs to be taken care of (which isn't very often). I know that he's the type who will drop everything for someone if they are in need and I think that he deserves the same in return. I don't like the feeling that his good naturedness is being taken advantage of by someone who isn't willing to put in an equal effort.

The thing is that as much as this isn't my relationship and I shouldn't care I can't help but have hurt feelings on his behalf. If I was all stuck in bed and hurting I would want to be made much of by both of my loves. I get that people have lives outside of their relationships but after a couple of days you would think that you could find at least a few minutes for a visit. Am I expecting too much?
 
The thing is that as much as this isn't my relationship and I shouldn't care I can't help but have hurt feelings on his behalf. If I was all stuck in bed and hurting I would want to be made much of by both of my loves. I get that people have lives outside of their relationships but after a couple of days you would think that you could find at least a few minutes for a visit. Am I expecting too much?

Maybe not expecting too much, but expecting what you would want for yourself? Is this also what hubby wants, or is he happy with the support she is giving him?
 
Maybe not expecting too much, but expecting what you would want for yourself? Is this also what hubby wants, or is he happy with the support she is giving him?

He speaks so little of what he wants that I'm never really sure. What I do know is how much he has needed help over the past few days. His mom and I have been able to give him the help that he has needed. I'm just frustrated that the offer hasn't even been put forward. He's getting better now though as he's headed out for a real estate seminar this evening. :D

I probably am projecting a bit of what I would want on him. I'll have to ask him later if he is disappointed.
 
No - I do not think you are expecting too much. You love him and want to see him loved, respected, treated right and taken care of. I expect the same from MG, and she of me, when it comes to 2rings. If he was in an accident - I have no doubt that she would drop everything to be there with him :) - and he deserves that.

You may be projecting - but you are doing so out of your deep love for your husband. Even if it doesn't bother him and it's not your relationship - you are coming from a place of love and concern. I see nothing wrong with that!

2rings was in a motorcycle accident 5 years ago this coming weekend and I know how scary getting that phone call is and how hard it is to see your husband in pain. I'm glad he's feeling good enough to go out! Wishing him a speedy recovery!
 
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So I'm trying really really hard to stay out of things between my husband and his girlfriend. As I've already written my husband broke his ankle and had surgery on it over the weekend. His girlfriend hasn't shown up at all to see how he is or to see if there's anything she can do for him. I know that it's none of my business and that there are many love languages but in my world if someone is sick or hurt and you care about them you're there for them and doing your best to help them to feel better. . . . Am I expecting too much?

You might be expecting too much. Do you know whether or not they had any communication since it happened? Have you asked him if they've been in touch? It'd be understandable if he's complained about it and it is an issue for him. But unless you know...

Maybe she offered her support in other ways. You're a nurse, right? Dealing with hospitals, illness, and injury is second nature to you. Some people simply cannot handle being around that. They are anxious and queasy in hospitals, and uncomfortable around people in pain. Maybe she told him, "I want to be there for you but I can't handle it." Maybe she's got shit going on in her own life that needs managing, and she knows he has you. I say, cut her some slack. She's not you.
 
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I'm right there with you derby. Maybe this is all she is capable of. Maybe her idea of "girlfriend" is different than yours. Maybe your husbands idea of "girlfriend" is also. There are all kinds of relationships and althought it might be frustrating to understand, it just is.

I would wonder what is behind it for you? Do you need a break? Would you like her to take a share in responsibilities? It might be that changing your view on her and what they have, what expectations you have as a result, will help you be less frustrated and hurt on his behalf.
 
I'm right there with you derby. Maybe this is all she is capable of. Maybe her idea of "girlfriend" is different than yours. Maybe your husbands idea of "girlfriend" is also. There are all kinds of relationships and althought it might be frustrating to understand, it just is.

I would wonder what is behind it for you? Do you need a break? Would you like her to take a share in responsibilities? It might be that changing your view on her and what they have, what expectations you have as a result, will help you be less frustrated and hurt on his behalf.

I agree here RP. Derbs maybe she is just letting you do your thing and not wanting to intrude. Does II want her there? If so, maybe someone should make a call. I mean it may just be a case of not knowing what he wants or needs, or what you are comfortable with. Then again it may not be her schtick. I know I would be there in a heartbeat. But I also know I may not always be welcomed. Depending on who is there etc. Know what I mean? Don't assume, but this is an opportunity to address the issue for future reference. I had a similar situation with 2rings when my mom was in the hospital for heart stent surgery. I needed him but he didn't realize how much. And he did not want to intrude on hubs. He would change that now if he could, and he knows in the future what my expectations are. So maybe that is all that needs to happen, an invitation.

Hugs to ya. Must be stressful! Stay positive.
 
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