Huge mistake or can I save this?

Recently my life has gotten very complicated. I'm usually a very emotionally stable person, as of late I've been experiencing a lot of extreme ups and downs due to the change of lifestyle that my wife and I have decided on.

I'm a father of two beautiful children. My daughter of four and my son of eight. I've been with my wife for nearly eighteen years and married the last nine.

I guess I'll just start from the beginning in hopes of giving the full scope of the situation.

So a few months back my wife came home after a girls night out with a couple of her co-workers. She was a little tipsy and mentioned that she might have a little more than a crush on one of them. She then started to talk about possibly having her come home after the next girls night out. Being a man, I thought about how this is a rare opportunity that I shouldn't let slip by. So I tell her to look into it further.

As the next couple of weeks go by, I periodically checked in with her on the status of the situation. It was starting to sound like it was going to happen. I had no idea of how to prepare for something like this. I didn't research the possible outcomes of a scenario like this one. My only concern at this point was emotions getting involved. They were already involved. I was too blind to realize it.

So it happened and it was great. We had a wonderful evening and the next thing I knew, it was happening somewhat frequently.

A little info about our partner. She also has kids. Three, all from different dads. Never married. She was in the middle of a break up from a bad relationship that lasted almost nine years when all this started. We helped her move back into her parents house which is over an hour away from here. Things started to go bad there, with her dad, who is an addict and very emotionally unstable. She went through this with him as a kid and didn't want her kids to be exposed to the same thing. I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but my wife and I felt the same way about it, so we offered her to come and stay with us. That included herself, her three kids, a cat and a dog. We also have a cat and two dogs. We live in a one bedroom with an office that our kids sleep in. To tally that up, its eight people, three dogs, and two cats in a tiny home.

My wife has fallen head over heals in love with her. I have not. I do care very much for her, though. And this is where it started getting scary. extremely scary. Watching the way my wife looks into her eyes, the very same way she used to look into mine.. Tears the soul out of me. I've had good days when the both of them show me affection, but on days when its just between them, it kills me.

Lately, I've been getting better about this. My wife swears up and down that she will never leave me. That if this situation does crash and burn, she will stay with me. She also told me though, if it does go like that, it will never be the same between us.

Since I've started to control the jealousy, another major issue popped up. My wanted to get a ring tattooed on her ring finger, right next to the ring I put on her on our wedding day, that says our partners name with always forever and she wanted our partner to get the same with my wife's name on it. This hit me so hard, its unbelievable. I told her, after looking up some info on these types of relationships, that we have not set up any boundaries and that this might have to be our first. I asked her to look at it from my perspective. I said "How would you feel if it was her and I that were madly in love and we wanted to get that tattoo in the most sacred of ways, that doesn't include you?". She saw my point, but walked away from me and wouldn't have anymore of that conversation. We haven't spoken since. This was last night. I cant even smile when I'm around all the kids. In fact, I've just kind of been hiding out and giving her space.

It's hard to hear her laughing and playing with everyone but me. I feel like since i finally put my foot down on something, that it may have been a major mistake. Any advice would help, as I am completely alone on this. I absolutely love her to death. She and the kids are my whole world and it feels like its all crashing down.

Thanks in advance.
 
I'm sorry about the mess you have found yourself in. I just don't understand why any of you thought it would be a good idea to move your girlfriend and her kids in.

Is the girlfriend contributing to the household? Is she working? You can't "rescue" people, especially when your own lifeboat is about to tip over. I think you need more advice than what a forum of strangers can give you, because this is a terrible situation.
 
I'm not really sure you've done anything wrong. These are emotions that have to be expressed and talked through.

I'm interested in your timelines. Is a "few months" closer to 3 or closer to 10? In one case, there's still a lot of NRE going on and her emotions are a bit wonky just as yours are. In the latter, it's a more permanent situation. There came a time where I told Kay that we had to make a decision or my relationships were a fixed part of my life.

One of my biggest jealousy roots is the fear that my partner will find someone better an leave me. It's always new people. After a few weeks that dies down and things get back to normal. But I tend to struggle with new partners. If you can get through that then you may be more comfortable.

That being said, you also may need your boundaries. You are under no obligation to share your house permanently. I also agree with powerpuffgirl that professional counseling is a good idea.
 
I feel like since i finally put my foot down on something, that it may have been a major mistake.
It sounds like neither you nor your wife are used to you putting your foot down on anything. So now you're in the unfamiliar situation of disagreement, and worry that you've done a mistake. But from the outside, while everything else sounds questionable, this decision of yours certainly doesn't.

Giving her, and yourself, space now seems a good idea. Once you have both calmed down you should - probably - have a more rational conversation about the future. Or schedule a time to have it - with a counsellor perhaps.

I agree with people telling you to seek marriage or individual counselling. If there's no way you can afford it, maybe even a crisis center or helpline? Since not only your marriage but also your home is at stake, this is quite serious.
 
I'm sorry you struggle. It sounds like you were up for a threesome, but not up for all of THIS.

You also sound sad and lonely with nobody to talk to. I hope you feel a bit better for airing it out here. I'm not sure a forum can give you all the help you need, but I hope you at least got to air out. If you need extra support, I encourage you to find it IRL. Talk to family, friends, a counselor. Internet support from strangers can only go so far. I think you need people IRL -- who could give you a break on childcare (family or friends), bring you food (family or friends), help you more extensively. (counselor).

What is your desired outcome? Or ideal situation?

That this be a V thing? Where wife is the hinge and has two lovers, but the other lover go take her kids and live elsewhere? Because this was supposed to be to help her for X weeks while she hunts for a new home... not permanently move her in when you guys are already so crowded? (3 adults and 5 kids in a 1 bedroom place is just too many people to me. I would feel suffocated. :( )

Something else?

I feel like since i finally put my foot down on something, that it may have been a major mistake. Any advice would help, as I am completely alone on this. I absolutely love her to death. She and the kids are my whole world and it feels like its all crashing down.

It's not a mistake to speak your truth. You have to state your personal limits. It is your job and your job alone to state clearly what you ARE and ARE NOT up for. Other people are not mind readers.

It's ok to love wife a whole lot, but you also have to love you too. She can have lots of love. Even 49% of your love. But the other 51% you keep for loving you so you are able to say "No. I love you a whole lot. But not even for you will I do/continue to do stuff that hurts me. This is hurting me. I have to stop doing this."

Other people don't have to be thrilled with the news, but that's the only way I know to sort stuff out. Everyone just puts their cards on the table. What they are and are not up for. They accept that some things will line up and some will not and get on with the sorting. It might FEEL hard, but the actions are straight forward.

Change has to happen here because this kite cannot continue to fly like THIS.

OPTIONS I SEE

  • For sure, stop sharing group sex with wife and Lover. And stop sharing sex with Lover. That complicates things. You seem to want more clarity, not more confusion fog. Plus you like her ok, but you don't love her. So... don't share more sex with her -- either just you two sex or group sex.

(You + wife + Lover) in some trio/triad thing in a tiny house? Is not working. Accept this. The model has to change.

Be honest and up front with them both. You tried it, it doesn't work for you. And then you all pick the next model you all can live with:
  • The living arrangements change but not the romantic ties.
    • Lover moves out with her kids. Wife dates both of you. One over there, and one over there. Then you don't have to deal with the crowdedness (physical, mental, and emotional) in your home.
    • You move out (with or without your kids). Wife dates both of you.
    • Everyone moves out and maintains their own home. Wife dates both of you.
  • The living arrangements change AND some of the romantic ties change.
    • (Lover and Wife) continue in a romance. You bow out.
    • OR (You + Wife continue in a romance.) Lover bows out.
  • The living arrangements change AND all the romantic ties change.
    • Everyone bows out. All single.

Lately, I've been getting better about this. My wife swears up and down that she will never leave me. That if this situation does crash and burn, she will stay with me. She also told me though, if it does go like that, it will never be the same between us.

Wife says "If this situation does crash and burn, I will stay with you even though things won't be the same between us."

It ALREADY won't be the same between you. You opened Pandora's box. You both ended the marriage in favor of a new model -- a triad. Maybe you didn't realize that is what you were doing. I notice a lot of people who come here sometimes like to think of it like "married plus one" rather than "we are breaking up this marriage in order to practice a new model." Maybe because it is easier to imagine the first one. But I find the latter more accurate emotionally.

Wife says "If this situation does crash and burn, I will stay with you even though things won't be the same between us."

Why stay? Is she saying "Even if this sucks for me, I will stay in this marriage?" expecting you to return in kind? That even if the marriage sucks, you will keep on staying? Why would either of you want to stay in something that sucks? :confused:

That's what I'm talking about above. You both have to be able to say "I love you a whole lot. But not even for you will I stay in a thing that hurts me." Do you both have that ability/skill?

You have your own choices. YOU do not have to stay in things that hurt even if wife is willing to on her side.

Galagirl
 
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Thank you

First of all, I just want to thank you for all your time and thoughts on the matter. It really means a lot to me that total strangers would do that for another stranger. It says a lot about you folks. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It really does feel better to "air out".

I'd like to answer some of the questions you had for me.

-Powepuffgirll1969

Is she working/contributing?

She works two days a week and goes to school full time. She does clean up after her kids. Not much contribution for bills and food on two days a week. I think she does have some school assistance though.

-NOX

I'd like to know the time frame of a few months 3? 10?

This started around three months ago.

-GalaGirl

What is your desired outcome or ideal situation?

Well, I'm realizing that this will never be the same and with that thought in mind, I'm leaning towards trying to make this work. I'm sure there are lots of improvements to be made. My wife realizes that too. I know that the NRE is especially heavy right now, but in my vows of marriage I promised her to stand by her side through thick and thin. My hard days do seem to be easier to manage each time I have one.

Why stay if it all falls apart?

My wife and I both came from divorced parents. We both know what effect it has on kids. We agreed, when we had our first child, that we would give it our best shot to stay together for them. At least until they moved out.

I know I've got a bit of soul searching to do, but I do feel like this may work. Maybe even be happy doing it. Your suggestions have been very incitful. Its nice to finally have an idea what's actually going on. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Thank you again,
Lovinghusbandforever
 
OK, I read you saying that your kids are a reason to stick this out, but how can this situation POSSIBLY be good for these same kids? I'm sorry, but how were you thinking of them when you moved four other people into your one bedroom house? You are financially supporting four additional people with resources that should go to your children.

If you aren't going to advocate for yourself, then advocate for your kids. It ticks me off to no end when someone says they are going to stay in a shit show for THEIR KIDS. Don't put this on them. My parents divorced and I am thankful they did. I divorced and both my kids wound up with even more people to love them.

You aren't doing your kids any favors.
 
Glad reading some and airing out some helped a little. I hope your soul searching is helpful and brings you the clarity you need.

My wife and I both came from divorced parents. We both know what effect it has on kids. We agreed, when we had our first child, that we would give it our best shot to stay together for them. At least until they moved out.

I am married to an adult child of divorce whose parents stayed together "for the children" until the last graduated HS. All the children (as adults) expressed a wish for the parents to have broken up way sooner and NOT "stayed together for the kids." It just dragged the misery out.

Because every kid is different and needs different things?

Could reframe the idea to (staying married because you you both really want to be with each other as married people.) Not for other people -- not even your shared children. But because you both really want to be together that way.

And resolve to (parent the kids well because the children need solid parenting). Whether the parents are co-parents and spouses or co-parents and exes. The part the kids need is the "parenting-ness" not the "married-ness."

If your kids are getting the short end of the stick because you are also supporting 4 other people? You may have to accept that your resources are overstretched. And things need to change.

Galagirl
 
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Yes, after three months, they are still in heavy NRE and that might... MIGHT... help explain why your wife is acting kind of borderline blind/cruel towards you right now. (I would have had exactly the same reaction about the wedding ring/tattoo revelation!)

That said... this MAY be a workable situation... once the NRE cools down and if everyone keeps their respective heads and nobody issues knee-jerk ultimatums that can't easily be withdrawn.

As I see it, the biggest problem right now is a LACK OF SPACE - both physical AND emotional. I can imagine that in a one bedroom + office home, there is barely room for yourself, your partner and your kids to comfortable find enough space and alone time (to engage in sex, to study, sleep/nap etc.) - and now a bunch of extra people you hardly know have descended upon you AND your kids. That cannot be good for anyone, despite the best of intentions on the part of your wife.

Basically, the situation - as is - will not be tenable for long. You need to address this issue of home, privacy, space in a calm, clear and civil manner. After all, this is YOUR home too. Your kids' long term wellbeing must be considered (although not used as an "excuse" to EITHER keep a dysfunctional relationship together OR as a red-herring for your own feelings of jealousy/insecurity).

Together, you three adults must renegotiate the boundaries of your relationship/s... and hopefully develop a strategy whereby you can either ALL move to a bigger home, together, or help find suitable, affordable alternative accommodation for the new woman and her kids.
 
Working on improving

The overall situation is one of positivity. The kids all love to be around each other. They play and have fun with very little arguing. We play with them often, they're read to every night before bed, and they're constantly smothered in love from us(her kids and ours).

Its just my issues that are the source of the negativity. Which are pretty well contained and being worked on continuously. I still have the will power to keep trying and I honestly feel like there's progress being made.

The choice to stay together IF it goes bad(which, I feel it hasn't yet) is made from my childhood experiences and my wife's. Before my parents split up, it was a warm, loving little family. I still don't even know why they did, both of them won't talk about it. After it happened I was tossed back and for between them for periods of random lengths. When I was with my dad, he was no longer emotionally there for me. No moral support whatsoever. When I was with my mom, she would party all the time and leave me in unfamiliar houses to party elsewhere. Some of which seemed abandoned. It was a nightmare. My wife's experience with parent's divorce was equally as negative. It sounds like divorce isn't always like that, though. I'm just going off of what I know and what I definitely do not want my kids to go through.

As for the space issue, our girlfriend is aware of how tight it is. Therefore, she is planning on buying a fifthwheel/trailer to keep on our property for her kids to have their own space. It sounds like she will be sleeping with them in it as well.

There's obviously lots of work to do on this relationship, but there are steps being taken. I'm definitely considering professional counseling, as it has made huge improvements for me in the past.
 
Glad to hear overall there is progress being made.

I don't know if reading about poly hell would help you all avoid further problems or not.

After it happened I was tossed back and for between them for periods of random lengths. When I was with my dad, he was no longer emotionally there for me. No moral support whatsoever. When I was with my mom, she would party all the time and leave me in unfamiliar houses to party elsewhere. Some of which seemed abandoned. It was a nightmare.

I am sorry you dealt with that. Sounds like when they got divorced they also quit doing the parenting.

It sounds like divorce isn't always like that, though. I'm just going off of what I know and what I definitely do not want my kids to go through.

Not all divorces are like that. Some divorces are just divorces. And the parents keep on parenting well. If you don't want your children to experience parenting abandonment like that in the event of a divorce? Keep on doing your parentings post divorce.

YOU do not have to parent like your parents did. If for some reason you and wife decide to divorce, YOU don't have to behave like they did post divorce. You can keep up you share of the co-parenting deal rather than disappear on the kids like your parents "disappeared" on you.

That's why I said before -- divorce is about the married people not wanting to be together. Which can happen. But the kids? They need parenting. They don't really need "married."

One couple I know? The ex-wife remarried. Her ex-husband is the godfather to her youngest son with her new husband. They bought next door houses to make the parenting easier for all their assorted children. They all show up to all the kid stuff and do what needs doing on the parenting front.

Another couple I know? Both parents also show up to all their daughter's stuff -- plays, dances, etc. They work together to make the parenting decisions. They have a regular (not random) schedule for shared custody of their kid. While both have moved on to date other people in their romantic lives? They try to be cordial coparents and do all the parenting jobs.They did not get next door houses like the first couple. They did get a house and an apartment in the same school district though. Then the kid doesn't have to change schools and visiting mom's house/dad's house is very short distance. Just a bike ride.

I think GF buying a trailer for herself and the kids to live in would help with the crowdedness. Visit each other all you want -- but with separate homes to retreat to when you need alone/quiet time.

I also think counseling could be good for you so you have extra support while going through this stuff.

Galagirl
 
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It's good that the space situation is being alleviated somewhat. It doesn't matter how well the kids get along NOW; there needs to be plans for each of them to have their own personal "space" at some point. It's very important as they get older.
 
Hello Lovinghusbandforever,

I am actually optimistic about your situation ... things are getting better, the main thing is just getting a handle on your own emotional state. Taming the jealousy and whatnot. I think you can save this, you did not make a huge mistake. It sounds like your wife is caught up in NRE at this moment. As a result, she is oblivious to your feelings and needs. It would be reasonable for you to point that out to her. More importantly, tell her what you need and don't wait for her to figure it out on her own. Hopefully the NRE will fade, and things will get better.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
One day at a time.

What a great read! Poly Hell is, to a T, my day to day life. Very informative. Thanks for that link, really.

Yeah, since our kids were born, I've tried to give them all things my parents didn't give me. As well as the good stuff they did actually give. I learned from their mistakes. Your point about not parenting like my folks, I don't really see myself ending up that way. Just super scary seeing people that were my heroes ending up that way. Anything to avoid it, really.

Kevin T-

Thanks for the inspirational and kind words. I really do think you understand where I'm coming from. Its a steady work of progress.

Thanks folks!
 
One question, Lovinghusbandforever,

In your OP, you call this other woman "our partner" and imply that you are also intimate with both her and your wife, as they are with each other and with you - triad style.

Yet you go on to say you're not "in love" with this woman and don't feel she is with you either. However, the two women have fallen heavily for each other to the point of wanting to "put a (tattooed) ring on it".

So... what exactly IS the emotional, practical and intimate situation between you three NOW, and how do you see that developing in the future?

Do you concede that perhaps the two women may wish to "date" separately to your involvement - i.e. the relationship is developing into more of a V thing, with your wife as the hinge - and can you conceive of a time you may be okay with this?
 
Iunabunny

Our GF has told us that she has issues with men. With her last relationship being as long as it was and having little to no affection most of it, its been difficult for her and I to get closer emotionally. I feel like my body language hasn't helped either. I really would like us to be closer.

The triad is my goal. I couldn't work with us dating separately.

I realized last night, after an argument with my wife, that I need to actively work on my view of this relationship. It needs to be seen as a positive change to this new lifestyle. So far, this morning, its like something clicked in my head and I'm seeing it in a different light. If I can keep this frame of mind, I feel like it would be the correct path choice. It feels good so far.
 
Our GF has told us that she has issues with men. With her last relationship being as long as it was and having little to no affection most of it, its been difficult for her and I to get closer emotionally. I feel like my body language hasn't helped either. I really would like us to be closer.

The triad is my goal. I couldn't work with us dating separately.

I realized last night, after an argument with my wife, that I need to actively work on my view of this relationship. It needs to be seen as a positive change to this new lifestyle. So far, this morning, its like something clicked in my head and I'm seeing it in a different light. If I can keep this frame of mind, I feel like it would be the correct path choice. It feels good so far.

Lovinghusbandforever,

Stop.

You are heading straight for a well known cliff in non-monogamy, 'the we must date together or our relationship is DOOMED' cliff.

If she has issues with men, then she has issues with you. Sounds like she is tolerating your interest in her for the sake of having a place to live and because she loves your wife. You sound like you are tolerating her because your wife loves her and you want your wife to be happy. This is not healthy for anyone. It will sooner or late explode in your face and everyone will be miserable.

Why not date separately? Why can't you do that? Do you fear losing your wife? Not being enough? Losing masculinity somehow? (All of these are common 'reasons' why.) Contrary to popular belief, dating together does not solve relationship problems, prevent jealousy or reduce insecurity. It can make all those things worse. Read broadly here. You will find couple after couple wanting to date together, meeting someone who may be initially ok with seeing both but a stronger bond develops with one or the other. Then the shit hits the fan, everyone suffers. Sometimes the couple reconnects and goes on. Sometimes they break up. Sometimes the third person gets treated as less than a human being and is dumped with no warning or input. (Go read about unicorns.) Sometimes the third person just wants to be with one of the couple and is actively trying to break them up. There is often a lot of fault, blame, toxic behavior and sheer shitstorms when people try to force a triad.

Do not do this. Consider that your wife loves this woman and wants her in her life. That does not mean you too should love her and be in a romantic relationship with her. If your relationship is strong enough to move this woman and her children in, then it is strong enough for the two of you to date separately. Spoiler - your wife always has the option of leaving you and getting together with her separately. For some reason, trying to prevent this fear from coming true - your wife leaving you for someone else - by dating together does not work. And, if she chooses to stay with you - if you make her choose between her life with you and her children, and this woman, well she might stay but she will likely resent you for the rest of her days.

Also this woman is financially dependent on you and your wife for shelter, food, and other necessities of life for herself and her children. She needs to get along to take care of her children and herself. That makes it impossible for her to truly consent to being with a relationship with you (or your wife) as long as she needs material help. Consciously or unconsciously, she will keep the option open of being with you - if that is the literal cost of sheltering, feeding and caring for herself and her children. She will offer things like she 'has issues with men' as a way to put you off, to stay near your wife. This is not malicious, something she is consciously aware of, nor does it mean her feelings are not real. Just that when there is financial dependence, the ability to consent and to say no openly and clearly, can go out the window.

Get used to the idea of dating separately. Of course you can do it. You don't want to. it makes you uncomfortable and brings up all kinds of fears. Look those things in the face. Get used to being uncomfortable and scared. In the long run, doing that emotional work of figuring out why you don't want to date separately, what you fear, and how to work around and through that, will result in a better relationship with your wife, your kids and with anyone you may connect with romantically, whether that's this woman or someone else.

Just skip this whole common assumption that dating together fixes anything. You will do some much needed work on your own needs, wants and boundaries. Plus you can avoid some of the common fuck ups people do when they try to date someone together for all the wrong reasons.

And maybe, if you give it space and time, a real connection between you and her, you and your wife, and her and your wife, can develop. Triads do happen. But healthy triads do not happen by fiat or by restricting partners. They happen because everyone gave their partners freedom to connect with others, and with each other, in the ways that happen organically.

Or you could do what so many people seem to do and just fling yourselves off the 'date together no matter what' cliff and then act surprised when you hit bottom and it really, really hurts.
 
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And THAT ^^^ is why I asked the previous question.

THANK YOU, Opalescent, for that very thorough, on-point reply. I'd been getting the feeling that this mind-set of "we must date together/aim for a triad" was where this situation was at, or headed.

Lovinghusbandforever... we are not judging you. Clearly, you are new to this, scared and trying to "salvage" your marriage and family situation, while also trying to help this woman, grow feelings for her and accept the fact that she and your wife are "in love" and you perceive that as a threat to all of the above somehow.

I understand your mindset and hopes from personal experience. My girlfriend Boho used to casually date my boyfriend, Jester. When things ended between them, he and I started to date... then about a year later, she and I got together as well... so we ended up in a "V" type arrangement with me as the hinge.

In short order, however, Boho started pushing for a triad between us three. Not only did this make me feel I was "not enough" for her without Jester as an added bonus/incentive... it also made me question her reasons for wanting to date ME in the first place (i.e. was I just the "bait" to get him back?) I became jealous of over-familiar interactions between them, as I viewed her behaviour with distrust.

After many emotionally torturous months of fraught conversation, tears, jealousy, mistrust, ultimatums etc., I came to understand (as did she!) that Boho's desire for a triad was born more of a fear of being left out, ending up alone, and feeling undesirable after Jester chose to end their relationship. It has been very difficult to heal and sort out the various insecurities we've each experienced alone the way... but we HAVE moved on, relatively successfully, I am pleased to say.

You can navigate your way through this current relationship muddle too, Lovinghusbandforever... if you only heed Opalescent's words of warning. Not only about the relationship/s themselves, but also about the position this other woman is in, in terms of feeling under obligation to both you and your wife.
 
Our GF has told us that she has issues with men. With her last relationship being as long as it was and having little to no affection most of it, its been difficult for her and I to get closer emotionally. I feel like my body language hasn't helped either. I really would like us to be closer.

Well, right now you are not close. And while you care about her, you are not in love with her.

I suggest you stop sharing sex with her and stop trying to date her. You cannot force a connection where there isn't one even if you wish you were able to be close.

Be ok with it being a "V" thing rather than a "triad" thing. If you don't want to date separately from wife? Don't date then. Wife can date her GF, and you could not date anyone but wife. Your plate is already quite full sorting this out -- adding new dating partners to the mix just adds more load at this time. Later on you can re-evaluate that. But for now? Keep things easier on you.

The triad is my goal...

Is that everyone's goal or prefernce?

Is wife more like "put up with triad so I can have access to GF?"

Is GF like "put up with triad to I can have access to wife" or "put up with triad so these people let me live here with my kids and pay my bills?"

Not trying to be mean here... just saying that sometimes people try to bend themselves into pretzels trying to put a good face on things.... until the bending finally starts to hurt or snaps. :(

I would hate for you to get your hopes up like things are mending if they really actually aren't. :(

I realized last night, after an argument with my wife...

What was the argument about?

Galagirl
 
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This is a clusterfuck. Accept that your wife and her girlfriend have a relationship and stay out of it. For who knows what reason, you have taken on supporting someone you knew for a New York minute and it's not working out.
 
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