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  #81  
Old 08-14-2018, 05:31 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Sarge ended up on my doorstep Saturday night. He arrived looking hung-over, and emotionally wrecked. We talked for hours. We worked through the issues of my Type-A personality, his persistent passive resistance, and came out better for it. He claims he was mortified by J13's behavior, and just didn't know HOW to react, so he chose to not. He sees now that there is an issue there, and is going to speak to TED about getting him some serious help.

I can finally breathe again. Almost losing him was scary.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #82  
Old 09-24-2018, 07:55 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Things are status quo here in Elleville

The dumplings are back in school, so I am spending a lot of time playing uber driver to them, but all is well.

Steel had met a wonderful woman in August. She was practically perfect in every way, except she waited until their fourth date to disclose the fact that she has HSV 2. To many, this isn’t a big deal, to Steel, it was an absolute deal breaker. At first, he contemplated continuing the relationship, but after having a talk with a friend of mine who happens to be an OB/GYN, he decided it best to end it. We are both STD free, as is Sarge. Steel was not willing to risk exposure for himself, and in turn risk exposing me, and Sarge. I know HSV is more of a stigma these days than needed, and Steel realizes this as well, he just wasn’t willing to put himself at risk, since she wasn’t taking any prophylactic medications and claimed not to have prodrome symptoms. Sigh.

Sarge and I are better than ever. He takes Junior13 to therapy on his weeks- Ted refuses to acknowledge that anything is wrong, so will not take him on hers.

Sarge and I are heading away next month for four days. We are road tripping to Tennesseee, to his cousins wedding. It will be so nice to spend 4 days together, spend time with mama sarge and the family, and hopefully get some cooler weather. The weekend happens to coincide with our THIRD anniversary, so the trip is serving a dual purpose.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #83  
Old 10-10-2018, 03:25 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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I am going to Sargeís city Friday, to accompany him to the vet office. The time has come for him to say goodbye to his 14 year old cat. He is devastated, but with her advanced age and illness, I suggested it may be less humane to leave her home alone for the four days of our trip. The only thing worse than being with her while she is peacefully euthanized, would be him finding her when we return. She is a wonderful, loving cat, and was his love for many years while TED acted like the asshole she is and dismantled their marriage piece by piece. Speaking of TED, she unilaterally decided to stop giving J13 his Doctor prescribed psych meds, and no one knew until he started acting up in school- again. It seems another fight in court is in the near future. He was getting dosed correctly when with Sarge, and not at all when with TED. Any healthy woman can be a parent, but not everyone is a Mother.
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Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #84  
Old 10-14-2018, 09:57 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Sargeís sweet cat is now on the other side. I am so glad I was able to be there. I have never had the strength to stay with my own animals in the past, but knowing Sarge couldnít be there without having a breakdown made me stronger. When the time came to pay, I took his debit card to the receptionist. I asked for the Sherrifís department discount. She asked for my badge. I said I wasnít the deputy, he was, and pointed to the 6ft, 215lb blubbering mess in the corner. I had to laugh, and she tried to hide her amusement as well. He has such a great heart, and he loved her so very much. It was over in seconds and very peaceful. I stayed the night with him, and he had a rough night. He cried on and off several times, which caused me to cry with him. We did have some really intense sex around 3am, both us us climaxing in tears. But, letting her go was the right thing to do. I found an old picture of her, as I am making him a memorial frame, and seeing her in her prime made me realize how bad she had gotten. It was time, and I am grateful I found the resolve to hold her as she passed. We leave for Tennessee on Thursday, and I am looking forward to some cool weather.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #85  
Old 11-07-2018, 11:19 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Things are not great. Sarge and I are taking a break. It 100% has to do with J13, and TED. Unfortunately, J13 is off the rails. He is becoming more like his egg donor each day and I just canít stand it anymore. Last time I saw him he complimented me on my weight loss. He then followed it up by telling me how great my ďTits and ass are looking.Ē I was stunned. This is a THIRTEEN year old child. He was suspended from school twice in the same week, once for throwing a toddler like tantrum over his phone, the other for screaming and cursing at a first grader, and subsequently the principal. Of course, TED blames it all on his diagnosis, and refused to punish him in anyway. Sarge is the king of conflict avoidance, so it really upset me that he did nothing either. When I told Sarge what J13 said about my body, he told me it was a compliment. I lost it.

The bottom line is, I donít want to be around th child anymore. He needs serious help, beyond his twice monthly therapy visits where he sits and stares at the wall. Since Sarge has the children for a full week, every other week, or leaves us with the opportunity to see each other only two times a month. Thatís not enough.

I told Sarge that I am no longer comfortable around J13, and that he and TED are the people that have to deal with his behavior, and their lack of consequences to them. I do NOT have to subject myself to it. And I refuse to do so. I begged him to step up, fight for his Son, and get him the help he needs. Until he is correctly treated for his mental illness, I will not be part of it. And I am not going to be a twice monthly booty call.

He told me he is going to try to get him help, and I wished him luck, letting him know Iím here. But unless and until the child is set on a path of mental well being, I can no longer see a future with Sarge.

I had visions of a 30 year old J13 living in the basement, jobless, 500 lbs, and running the show like he does now- and itís not a pretty picture.

Iím heartbroken to say the least, as we just celebrated three years together, but my own safety, sanity and well being are paramount.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #86  
Old 11-29-2018, 03:18 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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Itís over.

37 months we made it. I have a lifetime left to go on. My heart is broken, today it feels like Iíll never smile again. But I know I will. One day. Junior13 is just a lost cause, sadly. I canít be in a relationship with someone whose child I cannot be around. A mother? Sure. A friend? Yeah. But his CHILD? Someone who will always be around? Nope. The heartbreak is exacerbated by the knowledge that there is nothing wrong with US. We are in love. And always will be. We had a wonderful, fun, mutually satisfying relationship. We just cannot be together. Because of a child. A child that is becoming more and more like his egg donor each day. I thought when he divorced her, it was over. The head was off the monster. How wrong I was. A new head grew, in the form of their child. He has taken her place, and will ruin my life if I stay. So, I walked away.

I walked away from a Man I love wholly. A man who never did anything to cause it, other than choose to marry and have children with a succubus long before he knew I existed. I can no longer stand by and be part of what will surely end with the child in jail, dead, or worse.

My heart hurts. Physically.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.
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  #87  
Old 11-29-2018, 11:00 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I'm very sorry to hear about this breakup. I agree with you that J13's behavior is totally unacceptable, and would do you damage over the years. You have to take care of yourself.
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  #88  
Old 12-01-2018, 02:29 AM
Leetah Leetah is offline
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I'm very sorry this had to happen. I think you have done the right thing though.

Leetah
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  #89  
Old 02-04-2019, 03:15 PM
Ellamenopea Ellamenopea is offline
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I’m getting better, but I still hurt. We tried to be friends. To talk normally. It didn’t go over well. There is too much blame from me, directed at him. Why couldn’t he be stronger? Why couldn’t he see that his shitty patenting is the reason we can’t be together? Why does he allow TED to be such a shitty parent , too? It all comes down to the passive nature of Sarge. He avoids conflict and high emotions at all costs. It’s his M.O. to shut down instead of step up. Fight or flight for him always means flight, whereas I will fight 100% of the time. It’s just basic incompatibility. Junior 13 was not getting better, he was getting worse. I was at the point where I feared for my physical safety around him. It had to be over.

We no longer talk. I miss him. I miss what he had. I miss what could have been. But, I am resolute in my choice. Maybe one day, when J13 is in prison, things will be different.

I have had a couple of dates, one from a poly group, the other two from online. All three were ready to rock and interested in seeing me again. I guess my heart just isn’t ready, because I feel nothing.

In awesome news, at the start of the New Year, I convinced Steel to go to a poly meeting with me. He met someone instantly. They have been dating since. I like her, a lot. He does too! I’m happy for them, and just laugh at the irony. I’m now the one feeling the woah is me feelings.

One day I’ll heal completely. I guess three and half years of a relationship is going to take some time to heal from.
__________________
Me: Elle (43) married to Steel.

Steel: (49)My husband of 18 years.

Sarge: My boyfriend (37)

TED- (The Egg Donor- f/k/a Freckles, 38) Sarge's ex-wife and "Mother" of J14 and J9.

Dumpling17 and Dumpling13- My children with Steel.

Last edited by Ellamenopea; 02-04-2019 at 03:17 PM.
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  #90  
Old 02-04-2019, 04:57 PM
breathemusic breathemusic is offline
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I just wanted to say that I so very much know how this feels. And that while the hurt may last a long time, you will reach a point where you feel ready to date again. I did the same thing after my 2+ year relationship ended because of a meta ultimatum. I hurt for months. And when I attempted to start talking to people online again I quickly realized my heart wasn't in it. But eventually it was. And honestly, I still hurt now sometimes and miss my partner, but I also have met someone else that I love very much. So I have found that those feelings were eventually able to co-exist with one another.

Sorry that you are still hurting. But I'm glad that you stood up for yourself and set boundaries and are safe.
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Me: 32, female, nesting partner and Domme of Sudo, dating Echo
Sudo: 36, male, lives w/ me, no other current partners
Echo: 34, male, Dom, dating me, married w/ 2 kids

RCT (or Ty): 32, male, mono, current roommate/friend, dad to Lizzy
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