Making partners feel loved

ElMango

Member
Hey all!

So, this is partially about the idea of love languages and partially about what you guys do.

So, Ive realized my love language (LL) is different for different partners. For B, words of affirmation is my primary and [food mainly hugely] food gifts.
For Z, acts of service and very minorly gifts.

Do you guys believe in love languages? Is there another form you find most accurate? Have you noticed you have different LL for different people?

Also, what are the ways you guys make your baes feel loved?

For me both are very words of affirmation and me being nurturing; and quality time and gifts
 
I don't know really because I never had a lot of lover's.
But the lovers I have had. The way we inter acted was completely different.
The way I interact and give affection to my wife feels most natural.

Not much here to add to the discussion
 
The way we inter acted was completely different.
The way I interact and give affection to my wife feels most natural.

For us the way we interact has similarities for sure; it's all based in love and equality-but how the affection feels between them even the stuff that's very different, both feel natural
 
Hi ElMango,

When I took the LL test I scored high in the physical touch and words of affirmation areas. Not sure if that changes from partner to partner.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
What an interesting set of questions I’ve never heard of it changing between partners. I can honestly say for me it stays the same.


However you having different love languages shouldn’t impact identifying your partners love language to help them feel loved. I would suggest you let them know you have this split thing going on specific to each so you too feel loved.
 
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However you having different love languages shouldn’t impact identifying your partners love language to help them feel loved. I would suggest you let them know you have this split thing going on specific to each so you too feel loved.

I totally have told them! We had a discussion around it to ensure we're all getting what we need how we need it. Then it occurred to me that there was a difference.

Now I'm curious...do others have this? xD
 
So, i found this interesting. For me... with my ex husband my love language was acts of service. He showered me with physical affection to the point i did not want to be touched at all. Also, considering that i am lesbian and would not admit it to anyone, his touch was a turn off. I just wanted him to help me take care of the many things involved in raising children and running a house. However, with my current partner i want to be touched and touch her constantly and i want quality time. She, i, and her husband all pitch in to take care of the day to day running the house and raising kids. So its not as much of a need for me anymore. I guess my needs have changed or not so much changed as i have learned something more about myself and that my needs very depending on the relationship. I actually just took the LL test again a few minutes ago. The scores were 8 in touch, 8 in quality time, 7 in receiving gifts, 7 in word of affirmation and 0 in acts of service.
 
So, i found this interesting. For me... with my ex husband my love language was acts of service.

However, with my current partner i want to be touched and touch her constantly and i want quality time.

For me when I take the LL test focusing on my relationship with Z:
12 Acts of Service
7 Words of Affirmation
6 Quality Time
5 Physical Touch
0 Receiving Gifts


When focusing on my relationship with B:
8 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch
6 Quality Time
6 Words of Affirmation
3 Receiving Gifts


Acts of service is still top dog, but to a drastically different amount. Physical touch and gifts are completely different spots/values.
 
I have noticed this - it may vary over time and from partner to partner what my love language is. When I did the test for the very first time years ago, my love language was clearly physical touch. From there it has changed to quality time and then finally acts of service.

I think this is because our needs change over time, and what makes us feel loved is getting our needs met. In my case, I used to be starved of physical contact, thus I needed it very much. Having multiple romantic partners was definitely an effective way to get that need met, and today I get what I need in that area in my everyday life.

Me and my guys own a big house, and there is lots and lots to do in the house and garden. I feel at times overwhelmed with the responsibilities at home, so what I really need now is practical help with housekeeping and renovations. I took the test again - I scored 9 for Acts of Service for both my guys. The rest of the results where in differing orders, but receiving gifts is the least important with 1 or 2 points.
 
Just a point of fact. You can’t make you partner feel anything. His or her feelings are theirs.

Great point, and often people are unaware of this. You can show a partner love, by your words and actions, but they may or may not actually feel loved. That's an inside job, that requires openness and knowing you are worthy of love.
 
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