Wow.
That would be just too messy for me.
I think there are enough people in the world to poly date without going after "messy people." Some are
permanently messy. I do not need my spouse dating my mother, sister, or or boss. If he and my mom date? That's just too weird for a LOT of the family and yargh. If he dates my boss and he and boss fight or break up, I do not need them taking it out me and me losing my job. Why risk a mess like that? What joy does that bring? I want to lead a joyful and happy life. Not be
enduring my life.
Some are temporary messy list people. Do not date kid's teacher while they teach kid. Too messy. What if they argue and teacher takes it out on kid when kid did not do anything? That's not right. Once kid moves on to another grade, and some times passes... then perhaps the teacher becomes "dateable" again.
He does me this favor -- avoid my messy people list. I return the favor and avoid his. I don't date his brother, dad, boss, etc. I think that is perfectly reasonable. It's not a veto. It's just common sense -- don't date messy people from the beginning!
I would put "my ex husband's cheating affair partner" on my mess list for sure!
If I were your partner? And I didn't know it at first so started dating her... but then when I learned who she was? I would have ended it with her out of respect for you and a desire for no drama in our shared life.
I would
not have kept seeing her much less moved her in with us. What kind of business is that?
For around six months this summer she lived with us. I call this time "the dark ages" because I had a mental break down, and he and I nearly broke up on several occasions.
Understandable that you had a mental breakdown. This is a truly messy person for you to be around!
Listen to your feelings telling you that you are BEYOND your limit of tolerance. Walk away from these hurtful people.
This situation brings no joy to your life.
Now that she's out of the house, I find it much easier to cope when he goes to see her, but I still get an attitude with him when he returns.. But he says I'm better than I was earlier this year.
Well, you aren't having mental breakdowns. But you still don't sound
happy or in a
healthy place with your current partner choosing to keep going with previous cheating affair woman.
I would ask him to break it off with her. If he doesn't? I would end it with him. Do not get married.
Being with a partner should not bring you so much ugh and yuck. It doesn't sound joyful here. And it should be joyful during the engagement time. It's supposed to be looking forward to marriage and making happy life plans. Not such
glurk.
It's ok to have some people on your list of "I want nothing to do with them. EVER!" You have to value your mental health and well being above all.
I would say ex-husband's cheating partner who is now fiance's GF? That's one of those super messy people.
I would say a fiance himself who brings messy people from the past into your current life? That's another messy person on the list now.
Disappointing to learn this, but better now than
after marrying him.
It's not only perfectly OK to not want to associate with certain people.. sometimes it is NEEDED so you can be helathy and safe.
I have several on my list. I want nothing to do with them and I don't want them coming around here -- some are abusive ex husbands of my friends, some are weird relatives who are all into drugs.
I imagine it must be a huge disappointment to see your fiance taking up with her. I think he is kinda disqualifying his own self from your inner circle with this behavior.
If you cannot trust the man you are gonna marry to have the sense to stay away from horrible people from your past? Don't marry him.
Walk away.
When he does things like this... I don't think that makes him trustworthy.
Galagirl