Triad plus 1 uninvolved possible?

ChillinKillin87

New member
So my partner and I have someone we play with and are very connected to and have been batting the idea around of diving into polyamory with them as our third.

Our third partner has someone they are dating that isn’t involved with us( friends but nothing other than that ) they have an open relationship as well.

So my question is it is possible to have a 3 way relationship and have that persons partner uninvolved in it? Has that been done?
 
Absolutely.

There are no "must haves" in any configuration.

My husband's ex gf also had a couple she was involved with (mostly the woman, but not exclusively) and my husband had almost nothing to do with them besides community social gatherings. No biggy.
 
So my question is it is possible to have a 3 way relationship and have that persons partner uninvolved in it? Has that been done?

Yes and yes. Any configuration is possible and lots of people have done it, some of them even successfully!

Although there have been a few posters over the years who insist that it is only "true" polyamory if every person is involved with every other person (which also seems to require that each participant be bisexual), that is a small minority of polyamorists. Many others of us feel that insisting on such a structure is detrimental to healthy relating. In my opinion, no one should ever feel obligated to be involved with someone just so they can be with someone else.

In our polycule, it is perfectly acceptable, but not required, for relationships to overlap. In some configurations, people are more comfortable if they never overlap (i.e. each person has their own partners and a partner's partners are "off-limits") - or even meet each other!

There are as many ways to do poly as there are people doing it.:p
 
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So my partner and I have someone we play with and are very connected to and have been batting the idea around of diving into polyamory with them as our third.

Our third partner has someone they are dating that isn’t involved with us (friends, but nothing other than that). They have an open relationship as well.

So my question is, it is possible to have a 3 way relationship and have that person's [other] partner uninvolved in it? Has that been done?

I have never been romantically involved with my nesting partner's other partners. In fact, by the choice of her men, I've barely been socially involved with them in any way. They have all generally preferred to "host" her, so we rarely interact.

However, I generally host my other partners in our home. So, Pixi has met and hung out with several of my bfs or gfs over the 9 years we've been together. In a couple rare instances, she has shared sex with them a time or three. This generally hasn't worked out, so we've stopped doing it.

Most polyamorists don't even do TRIADS, as you are. If we are coupled, we date independently. We don't expect a "third" to feel fondness/sexual attraction for both of us equally. And attempted triads often do go bust because the shared partner (the unicorn, the "third") either starts to prefer one of the couple over the other, or tires of feeling "lesser" as opposed to the more established couple, or hates causing jealous feelings in one or the other of the couple, or starts to feel as if she is being used, etc., etc.

But anyway. NO, you are definitely not required to take on your shared "third's" other partner as your fourth! God, no. In fact, I'd advise against even trying. Too complicated. Too many moving parts. Triads are hard enough. Quads are worse.
 
Hello ChillinKillin87,

I agree with the others that a triad plus one uninvolved can be done. You just need everyone to be consenting to the situation. Anyway that's my 2¢.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I think it's great that your potential "third" has another partner of her own. Over the years here, I have seen SO MANY couples looking for a "third" (always a bisexual female) with the expectation that she should want to be exclusive with them and have no other partners of her own.

Which is a lot to ask of polyamorous person! Especially when she is also expected to remain secondary to the primary couple.

I would love to see more couple+1 triads form where the +1 has an independent life and independent partner(s) of her own. Seems like a healthier way of relating.
 
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