Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

View Poll Results: What type of poly origin did you have?
I've always had poly tendencies and never really took to monogamy 20 10.87%
I've always had poly tendencies and tried to be monogamous before 65 35.33%
I fell in love with a poly person and have adapted to the lifestyle 23 12.50%
I read or heard about someone else's poly experiences and thought it could work for me 18 9.78%
Other 58 31.52%
Voters: 184. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #531  
Old 07-08-2017, 06:55 PM
Castava Castava is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth Metropolitan Area
Posts: 14
Default

I learned about polyamory from online forum. As soon as I read about it, I remembered very nearly kissing a friend of my sister's two years after I married my then husband. Then I remembered the kinds of fantasies I had as a teenager, and how often they drifted into mult-partner territory. Then I remembered how easily I got crushes even when I was in a relationship. I figured I was just kind of naturally poly.

My opportunity to find out came when my then husband admitted to me that he is bisexual. Far from being horrified, I was kind of happy to have the chance to bring up the possibility of opening our marriage. He was surprised, but after we talked he agreed.

I am much more shy and private than he is, so it took me much longer to date than it did him. In fact, he found the man who would join in a triad with us. I can't tell you how much I loved being in a triad. I kind of tried to have other relationships, but they never worked, but honestly it was ok. My ex had both boyfriends and girlfriends, and he had the time of his life. Our boyfriend mostly stuck with us, too. It went on for years before my ex got the one person he was dating at the time pregnant. You can imagine, I bet, how that eventually ended our triad.
Reply With Quote
  #532  
Old 07-29-2017, 10:13 PM
Skibby1989's Avatar
Skibby1989 Skibby1989 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: California
Posts: 7
Default

I think I've known I was poly for most of my life but it was only recently that I realized it for sure. I've always struggled to commit to any kind of monogamous relationship and, after reading some articles about it, I realized how accurately it described my situation.
__________________
I've got 99 problems and they're all Alan Cumming.
Reply With Quote
  #533  
Old 01-05-2018, 08:12 AM
Valynn's Avatar
Valynn Valynn is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 71
Default How I realized Polyamory/ Non-monogamy was for me

Quote:
It's kinda hard to explain. Out of the 5 LT relationships I have had, 4 have been mono that turned poly that ended it.
After re-reading this from a thread I started back in 2016. I lied I these were not poly situations. I cheated on them, plain and simple. I wanted to make myself look better.
Quote:
#1- My first bf & relationship, ended after I got "too frisky" (kissing while tipsy) other male friend at party.
CHEATED
Quote:
#2 - Male from party & I date. His former GF, another girl friend & I play kissing games regularly with him. He is HEAVY into BDSM, leads to abuse.
He also accused me of being disinterested in him, only after he asked me to fantasize about a friend whom just happened to be...
Quote:
#3- Medievalist friend & I. Dated 4 months, got pregnant, married. While marriage is failing (Husband undiagnosed bipolar, emotional & mental abuse) we got close to another male medievalist. I fall for M2. M1 is jealous, accuses me of cheating. Divorced after 8yrs of marriage.
I admit I cheated, I slept with M2 behind M1's back.

3 years later....
Quote:
#4- Male met on dating site. Said he was agoraphobic, would only see me late in the evening (2am & later), mainly to go to a hotel and fuck. While satisfying in the short run, quickly got boring for me. He suggested swinging where he would be the primary to find & set up the parties. He got me my first bi experience. Her & I got too close. And he began to become SUPER jealous. He broke up with me after I didn't call or text him after I had returned from a gaming convention I worked at. Same weekend I found some pictures of him with another woman on a SD card he had given me. Good riddance.
I got a taste of my own medicine and was cheated on.

At this time I began to play around with Sir, a married medievalist friend. We have a soft D/s relationship.

Quote:
My last relationship was what I called "an amorphous configuration of friendship". I had a crush on my friend W (bi male, says he's poly). Our other friend & W's housemate B (straight male) had a crush on me. I entered this arrangement knowing that I was having sex with both W & B. That wasn't the problem. W didn't want labels. And cause he was so afraid of attachments he wanted all of us "to be free to come and go as we wanted." We had no official boundaries or rules.
This was the only poly relationship I had. What I thought was a triad with a poly person W. B said he was poly but he was really mono and just wanted to fuck. So it was a V with me as the hinge. I also realize now that W is a relationship anarchist.

Now I am hoping to start a non-monogamous relationship with Greg while seeing/playing with Sir in a V. Greg & I had only one date, but have had many phone conversations over the holidays. New year, new relationship!
__________________
Valynn (Me)- 44 F bi/poly/divorced
Dexus- 20 M- son of Valynn. US Navy Sailor.
Moma- my mother
Dion- my ex husband
Sephene- Dion's fiancee

------------------------------------------------
M'lord Sir- 55 M Straight/Married Soft Dom, Occasional Medieval Play Partner

Last edited by Valynn; 01-05-2018 at 09:25 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #534  
Old 01-28-2018, 12:30 PM
Bunny89 Bunny89 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: South Wales uk
Posts: 30
Default The beginning

Here is started when I found out my partner was talking to women online in a more-than-friendly way. We'd been together 4 years and had 2 kids at the time, we broke up for a short while cause I couldn't handle it and very much considered it cheating. After a little bit, I decided to stick to my commitment to him and our kids and I've been trying to deal with it ever since. There are good and bad moments, more often bad lately, so I'm here trying to figure everything out.
Reply With Quote
  #535  
Old 02-21-2018, 03:42 PM
kbar kbar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 6
Default

My Poly relationship just kinda happened. I knew next to nothing about being in a Poly relationship before this. The three of us have been friends for four years going on five years. It's amazing how much we have in common. As a result of this, I have done a lot of research as well as joining this forum to learn all I can. I made a commitment to my partners and will do everything I can to make this work.
Reply With Quote
  #536  
Old 02-28-2018, 04:32 PM
CaptainUnderpants CaptainUnderpants is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 23
Default

Other is what I selected. Two things happened to me that let me down this path.

From the negative perspective, how I dealt with an affair in my marriage, acceptance, opening things up sexually, led me to not being threatened or jealous if this were to happen. I literally surrendered to the fact that monogamy is not a workable scenario.

From the positive side. Through surrendering all negativity around this affair and any judgement of my spouse or myself, lots of love flowed into my live. One of these loves, while not sexual, made me realize that it was very easy to love more than just my spouse and not have it diminish any of my love for my wife.

At this point, I feel 100% poly, emotionally and philosophically. Yet, I am just starting to implement the principles. Fortunately, my wife is along for the ride, and is accepting of me and sees value in the principles.
__________________
Me - M55
Wife - F55 (married 23 yrs)
Girlfriend F59 (6 yrs)
Opening up and trusting the process.
Reply With Quote
  #537  
Old 04-28-2018, 06:10 PM
BirdbutnotaPenguin's Avatar
BirdbutnotaPenguin BirdbutnotaPenguin is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: California
Posts: 15
Default

I was never good at monogamy. I never cheated, but I wasn't happy. I constantly felt guilty for being attracted to people outside of my relationship and it was crappy. I hate the idea of having to 'choose' because if multiple things made me happy why is that a bad thing?

And then after I broke up with my last mono-partner, I took up yoga because he became irate and it was stressing me out. During my meditation I realized that I didn't want to treat anyone like an object to own or to possess. Love is a gift, a gift to give and a gift to receive. And the second you start putting requirements and limitations on it, then its no longer a gift. And I dont want to be the imprisonment for someones love, whether that love last a lifetime or an hour.

I thought about his a whole lot, and I put myself in a bunch of hypothetical scenarios and I came the conclusion that I couldn't go back to monogamy. I talked to my sister about it because she is also Poly and got her take on it. And I decided that if I met someone that this was going to be something I needed.

Thankfully my next serious partner was someone ive known for a good chunk of my life and we have dated on and off for a while and we was very supportive of my choice, especially given out LDR status, he appreciated that I wasn't expecting celibacy from him. And then when I met Lion, he is friends with my sister, we have similar ideas on what we want from a relationship.

It can be hard, but constant communication and enthusiastic consent are major frameworks of both my relationships, and I couldn't be happier.
__________________
Me (Bird): 24, F, Heteroflexible, Open-poly, Submissive
Lion:25, M, Its Complicated, Heteroflexible, Open-Parellel Poly, LDR
Sir: 32, M, Partner/Dom, Heterosexual, Closed Parellel Poly, LDR
Reply With Quote
  #538  
Old 07-14-2018, 02:31 AM
pittarotaro pittarotaro is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 10
Default

When I was in the 3rd grade I had a crush on two boys: T and J. I liked them both equally.

When I was in the 5th grade I had a crush on N first, then C, and C lasted a little longer than N because he was very nice to me, but I couldn't shake the fact that I was a 5th grader and he was a 4th grader, and that I was so much taller/bigger than him at the time.

Later on I'd go into monogamous relationships, but none stuck. I never strayed so to speak, just the relationships were unhealthy to begin with.

Now I'm with L, a wonderful loving man who has poly tendencies himself. He asks the question early on about polyamory, and I'm receptive to it!
__________________
J: Self, 33, bisexual female.
L: Nesting partner, 33, heterosexual male.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
boundaries, cheating, coming out poly, commitment, defintion, description, descriptions, discovery, dissatisfaction, first time, happiness, history, introduction to poly, learning, mono poly, mono/poly, new to polyamory, opening a relationship, poly, relationship issues, scale, starting out

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:46 AM.