cinnamoroll
New member
Hi everyone. I'm new to the forums and also to polyamory. I'm currently involved in what is purported to be a triad. I am in involved with a man and woman who were together before me for 5 years. Initially the girl wanted me to be a secondary to both of them. As her feelings grew and her boyfriend became more attached to me he said that they decided they wanted us to be a triad, completely equal in every way. The problem I have is although she has said she agrees with this, her words and actions do not line up. She still largely talks of them as a unit, and me as the outsider. She still seems to think and has even told me that if things were to go bad, they would default to just her and him (the last configuration without problems). He has assured me that this is not the case. If things were to go bad, whoever the problem was is the one who would be booted, and if it were simply she and I couldn't get along then he would date us both separately. When she and I are alone, she is amazing. I can really tell she loves me. She even jokes about leaving him for me. I adore her and she adores me. But when we are all three together it is tense. I feel like she is watching me like a hawk around him, even though we are supposed to be equals. She knows I love her, and I love him as well. She knows he loves her and he loves me as well. Yet if she walks out of the room and then back, she has to know what we were talking about when she was gone. I have tried to talk to her about her feelings before. She and I don't speak the same language, metaphorically. Often we have to use him to translate what she means by what she says, and what I mean by what I say. This has basically put him in the middle as the negotiator. A role that is really stressful for him. She also, as "the one who was there first", is entitled to request time alone with him, to ensure their relationship stays strong. However, if I were to do this it would not be appropriate in her mind at all. He would have no problem with it. I apologize for the length, and being rambly. I'm not sure what my specific questions are, I am just looking for insight. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What do you think? What do you suggest?