Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

Yeehaw. Thanks, Mono. I love it when I get something like this bang on. I have a hard time being able to explain concepts logically. I am very much a person who goes by the 'feel' of things.

Every little bit helps. :D

Don't get too excited lol. It's just my concept. It could be completely full of crap. :eek:
 
Indeed, this is very true. But you are mono-minded (wired, whatever :p), and so are the men I love. If I can explain things in a way that makes sense to you, I figure it must make sense to them too-- at least more than I usually make. :p And logic always helps (and is definitely not my strong point).

Definitely feeling chipper now. :D
 
Indeed this is very true. But you are mono-minded (wired - whatever) and so are the men I love. If I can explain things in a way that makes sense to you I figure it must make sense to them too, at least more than I usually make. And logic always helps (and is definitely not my strong point).

Definitely feeling chipper now.

In person, I don't tend to be very logical, either. Raging female hormones seems to describe me best lately.

When I KNOW I need to be logical I write, lots. Here, email, LiveJournal, chat, pen and paper, whatever it takes to get those emotionally-charged ideas into logical format so Breathes can understand them without asking me a million questions, thereby frustrating both of us because I THINK I was logical and he thinks I was clear as mud!

Another thing I've learned is I have to pick the time of day to have an emotionally-charged conversation (when I can). We have to both be present in the moment, not tired, fully awake and coherent. Having lots of conversations where I was just way too tired to think any other way than emotionally taught me this. *sigh*
 
Family time with PN's family

It's not very often that we all get together with PN's mom and stepdad. Last night, we were all invited over to decorate for Xmas and celebrate RP's birthday. His parents are very loving people and his stepdad is one of the most engaging people I have met (although I can barely keep up with him!). His mom is a beautiful spirit. I find she radiates a love for life that is expressed in her smile. She gave me and PN an excruciatingly pleasant neck/shoulder massage, because for some reason both RP's men have kinks in their necks. You figure it out. ;)

I enjoyed a great evening of food, celebration and discussion. Life's pretty good.

Now it is day two of RP's birthday week. She's got her women's group to facilitate and I have some dry cold roads to ride for the afternoon. Then it's tea with her parents, and gifts! Woohoo!!
 
Dry roads in the PNW, didn't know there was such a thing this time a year:p.

Haha! I live in a weather bubble. Rain often falls everywhere else but the city and nearby area. Lucky for me!

Now to put another kink in my neck. :eek:
 
Bright spot in my mess right now: I think I'm beating sociopathy. Things like videos of my 2 year old niece singing Jingle Bells are actually helping the pain. I can actually FEEL the other emotions now, instead of merely acknowledging that I should feel them, and then drowning in the few things I can actually feel. This is HUGE for me!!
 
Did I mention how much I love Mono? He made my room so nice for me and Leo last night. He helped me set up the computer to play an online movie. He let me put beer in the fridge and use his glasses. He made sure to give us space so that we could enjoy our time together. All this from a man that does not share his space with anyone. I felt so loved and grateful.

I felt so loved by all three men last night, as PN did what was needed to make sure I had time with Leo.

Leo was just wonderful to me. He listened to me, laughed with me and we had a really good time together.

I feel so loved and complete today. :)
 
We had a good night tonight. Redpepper, Polynerdist and I went to RP's office Xmas dinner and gift exchange. Her co-workers have come to see us as a true family and there is no awkwardness in it for me. It's not that often that we all get to go out together, as one of us is usually hanging with their son, LB.

This weekend we will get another chance, as we are attending two parties all together. This time we will end up with old neighbors of mine who, although they know PN, have not seen him much. Should be fun and interesting!

Oh yeah, and then there is a party at Derby's for New Years. And this time their kissing will be just fine. ;)
 
We had a good night tonight. Redpepper, Polynerdist and I went to RP's office Xmas dinner and gift exchange. Her co-workers have come to see us as a true family and there is no awkwardness in it for me. It's not that often that we all get to go out together as one of us is usually hanging with their son LB.
This weekend we will get another chance as we are attending two parties all together. This time we will end up with old neighbors of mine who although know PN, have not seen him much. Should be fun and interesting! Oh yeah..and then there is a party at Derby's for New Years...and this time their kissing will be just fine ;)

Just a thought, but if you're all wanting to go out together more often to visit your old neighbours, LB is more than welcome to hang out here while you're there, since it's close.
 
It's the little things ...

Mr. A was holding my hand when he noticed my wedding band was crooked. His rotated it upright and smiled at me. :)
 
I had a great day helping PN paint his and RP's room, while she enjoyed a day of catching up with the forum. :) Redpepper got us motivated and we worked well as a team to get the room completely painted before they headed off for a date. I'm sitting here listening to their son tell me all about his trip with his grandparents this weekend. Three adults working together to run a household and make time for each couple definitely has it's advantages. It's great to bond with PN and work together. We make a good team, which makes me think about other team efforts we've enjoyed with RP. ;)
 
I had a great day helping PN paint his and RP's room while she enjoyed a day of catching up with the forum :) Redpepper got us motivated and we worked well as a team to get the room completely painted before they headed off for a date. I'm sitting here listening to their son tell me all about his trip with his grand parents this weekend. Three adults working together to run a household and make time for each couple definitely has it's advantages. It's great to bond with PN and work together...we make a good team, which makes me think about other team efforts we've enjoyed with RP ;)

I love this, Mono. You all give me hope. I imagine there will be much accomplished through this sort of teamwork in the future around here.
 
I'm feeling grounded and closer to RP than ever. We had a great talk a couple of nights ago. We aknowledged some things about our relationship regarding the compromises we make to be together. We spoke of them clearly and accept the fact that we don't know what the future holds for us sometimes. I worry about her health in being with me and I worry about my health in feeling like I suppress her.

We talked about the pasture I see her in. Yes it's a great pasture with lots of wonderful things, and it is a pretty big pasture when you compare it to some different approaches to love. It does, however, have a fence, one that she can see over. There are wonderful things out there as well; experiences and people available to explore. All the things in her pasture are caring and committed and some much more willing and able to see her wander outside for a while, or invite someone or something else in.

I am in her pasture, as well, but have a subconscious eye on the edges. I'm not so willing and able to see her wander and explore. This saddens me and I sometimes feel drained because I feel as though my constant vigilance wears on me. That is where my health becomes a concern. I sometimes feel as though I have my shoulder against the fence, reinforcing it with my weight. I see her retreating in sadness, with the glossy eyes of the mare who has been fenced in.

She knows that I consider our relationship and our family a success. She also knows that I won't really consider ourselves a "poly" success unless I can open myself up to her having other men enter her life in an intimate way. I told her I don't see a path to that, not one that actually makes me internally happy and healthy or brings me closer to her as an intimate partner.

Once again we find this unique arrangement of her marriage, my experiences and the overwhelming love we have overcoming struggle to bring us closer.

Perhaps one day she will find something that makes it worth going down an alternate path. Perhaps one day I will change. Until such time, we will keep loving each other, growing and supporting each other. Regardless, we will always be family. She is not just the most passionate person I have met, but she is the most trusted and accepting friend I have ever had. Even when we struggle, we turn to each other for support. Isn't that what best friends do?

There is happiness in this post through sharing and awareness, and that's why it belongs here.
 
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