Elizabeth3500
New member
Hi - My name is Elizabeth
I have been in a monogamous relationship for 14 years. My boyfriend and I have been having trouble relating to each other sexually for many years. We love each other very much, but he stopped being interested in having sex with me and it became a huge ordeal for me. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. It has been three years and three months since we had sex. He is simply not interested in sex or close physical affection. Period.
I have been racking my brain for years trying to come up with a solution to the problem, and there were options that I was just not willing to explore. Those being paying someone to have sex with me or picking up some strange guy in a bar. I am just the kind of girl that needs to trust someone before I can enjoy a physical relationship.
Several months ago someone came into our circle of friends that I started to feel an attraction to. He and I have discussed the situation and the fact that I love my boyfriend and I am not interested in leaving him. He is ok with my idea of possibly having a relationship with them both (not at the same time). He is actually the one who brought up polyamory.
My trouble has been in discussing this with my boyfriend. I have tried, and not met much success.
I know that it's a lot to process, but I have tried to be reasonable and let him know how much I genuinely love him - that this is not about leaving him. I am simply to the point of accepting that our sex life is what it is and that I no longer want to pressure him into doing something that he doesn't want to do. I have made us both miserable trying to change his mind in regards to touching me, and I don't want to do that to either one of us any more. That being said, I need a healthy sex life and human physical contact to be happy and mentally healthy.
He said that he understood where I was coming from, and at first he was willing to try. Then he reversed everything and said that he thought he could not abide my decision. He said that he felt hypocritical for being jealous of something that he didn't want.
Now I don't know what to do.
I do not want to end my 14 year relationship with someone I love, but I also do not wish to be celibate for the rest of my life. I have feelings for two people, one who is open to the situation so far, and one that I am trying to come to a compromise with.
Can anyone out there give me any advice at all?
It seems like I have, after so long, found a workable solution to my dilemma, and now I am unabel to pursue it.
Please help!
I have been in a monogamous relationship for 14 years. My boyfriend and I have been having trouble relating to each other sexually for many years. We love each other very much, but he stopped being interested in having sex with me and it became a huge ordeal for me. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. It has been three years and three months since we had sex. He is simply not interested in sex or close physical affection. Period.
I have been racking my brain for years trying to come up with a solution to the problem, and there were options that I was just not willing to explore. Those being paying someone to have sex with me or picking up some strange guy in a bar. I am just the kind of girl that needs to trust someone before I can enjoy a physical relationship.
Several months ago someone came into our circle of friends that I started to feel an attraction to. He and I have discussed the situation and the fact that I love my boyfriend and I am not interested in leaving him. He is ok with my idea of possibly having a relationship with them both (not at the same time). He is actually the one who brought up polyamory.
My trouble has been in discussing this with my boyfriend. I have tried, and not met much success.
I know that it's a lot to process, but I have tried to be reasonable and let him know how much I genuinely love him - that this is not about leaving him. I am simply to the point of accepting that our sex life is what it is and that I no longer want to pressure him into doing something that he doesn't want to do. I have made us both miserable trying to change his mind in regards to touching me, and I don't want to do that to either one of us any more. That being said, I need a healthy sex life and human physical contact to be happy and mentally healthy.
He said that he understood where I was coming from, and at first he was willing to try. Then he reversed everything and said that he thought he could not abide my decision. He said that he felt hypocritical for being jealous of something that he didn't want.
Now I don't know what to do.
I do not want to end my 14 year relationship with someone I love, but I also do not wish to be celibate for the rest of my life. I have feelings for two people, one who is open to the situation so far, and one that I am trying to come to a compromise with.
Can anyone out there give me any advice at all?
It seems like I have, after so long, found a workable solution to my dilemma, and now I am unabel to pursue it.
Please help!