Going from monogamous to Poly..

GuitarRomantic

New member
Im new to the site and new to my current situation. I've always had more of a poly mindset and only participated in open relationships for a long time. About 2 years ago i begun a monogamous relationship.

Recently, We've been having problems due to me being unfulfilled no matter how much we try and work on it and rather than break up with him, I opened up to him about my previous experiences and thought maybe if once he understood it, it was something that might work for us.

I gave him a bunch of information but im worrried about what happens the first time i go out with someone else, or how to show him im supportive if he finds someone else first.

All feedback is appreciated

<3
 
First, has he agreed to an open/poly model? Did you talk about what kind of model you both would be open to? You said you gave him information, but just giving someone information doesn't equate to them agreeing.

If he didn't know you were poly inclined, this could feel a lot like a bait-and-switch to him. Even if he does agree to poly, there's no need to jump in all at once. And, in reality, it's likely to be much harder for him to find someone (poly women generally have a far easier time finding partners than poly men), which may strain things. So, if he agrees to poly and you agree on a relationship model, go slowly, be respectful, and communicate honestly and openly. If he doesn't agree, or if you can tell he's only agreeing because he feels threatened, then don't go forward with poly, but rather consider moving yourself out of the relationship, so you can both live authentically.
 
1000

Well we talked about it and gave him the basics and he said he could be into something like that. but i gave him more information he hasn't read yet before we talk about it again. Its possible he'll think he cant handle and we may need to just break up which i really don't want to do.

He knew its something ive done in the past and i shouldn't have agreed to be monogamous but i thought maybe i could be happy with just him, and for a while i was.

I fully intent to go slow and make sure hes completely comfortable.

I'm more looking for info on specific ways to begin the process, and how to be sure hes okay with it before beginning something else.
 
There's a "search" function at the top of the page that will help you navigate to some really helpful info. There are several great threads on how to open a relationship, how to bring it up and deal with it to partners, etc.
 
I wish I could offer some help but I just struck out with my wife over transitioning from a mono to poly relationship model. I will be watching this thread intently in the hopes of discovering something I had not thought of.

Good luck!
 
Re (from GuitarRomantic):
"Well we talked about it and I gave him the basics and he said he could be into something like that. But I gave him more information he hasn't read yet before we talk about it again."

I am thinking you should hit the pause button until he reads the additional information. Also you guys might both want to read the books "Opening Up" and "More than Two."

Of course sooner or later you will just have to attempt poly and deal with each problem as it comes up. If you keep us posted on this forum, we can give you advice along the way.

Re (from OP):
"I'm worried about what happens the first time I go out with someone else, or how to show him I'm supportive if he finds someone else first."

It's quite possible neither of those things will turn out to be a problem. If either is a problem, it's hard to predict what kind of problem it will be. Some bridges you just have to cross when you get to them.

But that's why I suggested the books, is because they may help prepare you for the most likely kinds of problems ahead of time.
 
Okay. Just take it in little steps, and keep us posted.
 
Okay. Just take it in little steps, and keep us posted.

This is REALLY good advice. Me and my partner up until now really have never had to deal with the transition from mono to poly as we both really had those feelings when we met each other. It was instantly comfortable and she was ok with me having relationships outside our partnership.

When we met our current partner, Amanda she had never been in a poly relationship but it just naturally fit.

The key is communication and patience. Its been my experience that if you try to force something like this you will put them off it forever and they will NEVER want to try. Let them read and ask questions in their own time. Be open and honest and don't try to hide anything.
 
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