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  #1041  
Old 01-26-2020, 09:02 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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My last update got eaten.

Mr Green is unwell. He was waiting for a scan before our next date ( which was planned and on the calendar ). The news was not good. I don't know if I'll see him again. I have been crushing on him a bit. In a most pleasant way. But after only 3 dates it is likely we won't continue.. I am really quite sad for him and sad for me. I did have quite a few tears.

I did have 2 dates with another person. I am glad I did slow dating. There were a few red flags, one you might think is odd but he is very into "communities" and I am not. He also told me a few tales of being ostracized by a couple of communities due to a nasty divorce. I thought I had better let him know that I volunteer for things but don't get involved with the people who organize as I find it to be a network for gossip. He accused me of calling him a gossip. I replied with, "That's not what I said. I said "I" keep out of the "community" part because of the gossip, but do I volunteer." He told me to stop talking and got up and walked out of the bar!

This another one who espoused respectful communication. Respectful communication would be, "Let me clarify what I am hearing."
There was some other stuff too. I blocked and deleted him. I am glad I did slow dating!

A quick break up after only 2 dates is better than a break up after 2 dates and bumping uglies. I might be learning.

Prof is still asking about Weds. I had a hell week at work. ( I actually had to take a day I was so fried ) and told him again that Weds are out till I get through this patch but weekend time is fine. No reply.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1042  
Old 01-28-2020, 04:48 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Prof: another request for Weds this week. Me: No, after busy time at work.
It is starting to feel like "Clash of the Wills". But I am freaking busy. Look at me taking 2 minutes for my blog update. I sent him a March date. I actually don't want to see him. I can't be bothered with his endless cover ups and shell games.

I managed a 10 minute stop at the gym today. Dressed in regular street/work clothes. The guy behind the check-in desk said "whatever" so I pounded at the bike till my pick up text came through. A whole 10 minutes. But I did it! On a school night! Next week, I'll be a little more together and plan to do 30 minutes. And work clothes with a pair of sport shoes will be fine. I go home and shower so it doesn't matter.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1043  
Old 01-29-2020, 04:13 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I am contemplating a job change. The information arrived in an email so it wasn't like I was looking and it is within the same business.

I talked to my lawyer about how much my ex could go after as an increase in child support and if it made sense to even apply. And to those who haven't read my blog, I pay my ex despite me having the kids the majority of the time and being the one who pays for allllll the kid stuff, shoes, field trips, haircuts, birthday parties, clothes. Lawyer said apply.

I think for the first the year the difference will be good but not really worth the change. Looking to years 2 and 3, the difference will be significant and have a long lasting impact even if the ex gets to file for an increase.

My current job is fairly easy compared to what I have done. I feel I have got a bit lazy and complacent, and by that I mean I don't work 24/7. The kids already have after school activities set-up so I can do the extra hours. They are also likely old enough to be left home alone for the day ( we will need to practice that ) for the few days a year that there is no program for them to attend on school vacations. So, after a week of thought and number crunching, I will apply. I will be quite fine if I don't get the job, I am happy enough where I am, but the extra $$$$ is the difference between getting by and getting rid of my student loan and bulking up retirement.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1044  
Old 02-06-2020, 03:55 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I messaged Mr Exotic on Monday night. He had changed his online pic and I wanted to see if he would a) reply and fizzle or b) block and delete. He had sent me a Happy New Year Message out of the blue and has chatted a little before fizzling.

He replied instantly. I asked if he has seen a movie related to the pic ( same actors The Matrix and John Wick ) and he said no and would I watch it with him? I replied with a simple "sure" This is America, people totally want to hang out but rarely actually schedule. He asked me when? I said Friday. He said definitely, Where? I said his place. I have no desire to do a mad clean up and also plan to watch the movie and leave. If he wants another date and is willing to talk about his new thoughts on STD testing then I am all for it!

I did my testing at the local public health place and by local I mean far out of the way but the only option. Interesting. They will only do the Big 4 unless you have symptoms and then they will direct you back to your own doctor. I did the Big 3 as I had a few done under my insurance recently. And I got my results back. All good.

I discussed Mr Exotic with my therapist. She said proceed with caution and only if he has new thoughts about the STD testing and come to a different understanding.

I agree.

I liked him but his communication stank. I also can agree that my approach was a bit strong and there a few red flags waving with my connections to exes. I have been clearing up those red flags since he raised them, I needed to do it for me and future dating, so maybe I don't look quite so...I don't know the words...person with unfinished business.

Prof. I do wish him the best, medical is going "ok". Phasing him is out is going fine apart from concert tickets. I bought tickets. Crap seats, but a band on my bucket list. Prof is always good for a concert. I can't get anyone else I know to go to concerts that involve a late night and dragging your butt out of bed the next day to go to work.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1045  
Old 02-08-2020, 06:56 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I met with Mr Exotic tonight and I am not sure what to make of it.
I still find him very attractive.

We ate a tiny dinner. Went to a bar that was local to him, and by local I mean across the street, that he wanted to try out.

The bar tender person was brilliant.

I have worked in "pubs/bars" my entire student life. My main pub was 400-500 years old. I can pull many a pint but can't pump out cocktails. I do see pint pulling in America and slowly die inside. Sone pints require many minutes od settling and topping up. You need to have the angles down.

So he used the explicit words of "second opportunity."

There were small pecks on the lips.

I said I would like to "date' some more. He said he was going to ask. I asked about weed. He said he had smoked. It was a bit obvious that he had. I dunno.

I think he still has unresolved things with his ex. They have been divorced for many years. He talked about her.

I dunno.

I think he is still yearns for that family unit.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1046  
Old 02-09-2020, 04:32 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I think I just got flaked on.

There was a little texting today with Mr Exotic, I said I had found the movie he was interested in Netflix and had a bottle of whisky. Not exactly an invite but not exactly not. He replied that he would be at mine at 8pm.

I hasn't actually said I was free but I was excited. He saw that I saw the message.( blue check marks )but I didn't actually send a confirmation reply. I messaged at 7:20pm about parking and he replied minutes later saying he had an upset stomach and was staying home.

I actually called him, as I was worried I had messed up by not actually replying to his message and just leaving it a blue marks.

He said he had been at a catered event ( he had told me he was doing that ) and had an upset stomach, but it was not too bad. He said it was fine that I hadn't actually replied. He didn't offer to reschedule and I didn't ask.

I doubt I will hear from him again. I am certainly not going initiate. He is just not interested.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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  #1047  
Old 02-09-2020, 05:08 PM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I pieced a few things together and strongly suspected that his depression is "active." He had talked about his depression said there were a few very bad years but nothing for a while now.

If asked him if he cancelled because of depression and replied " Yeah, pretty down." We have been texting a bit he says it is a daily struggle which renders him not good BF material. Closely followed by, he doesn't want to be anyone'e BF anyway.

So this is my 3rd dating encounter with someone who has depression. Only one of them was honest about it. The other 2 I actually had to ask outright because of their behavior.

I have been reading a bit more about depression and dating and relationships both last night and this morning and I just don't think it is path I wish to walk. I feel guilty saying it but relationships are hard enough to navigate. I have a lot of experience working daily with depression and family with depression. I am allowing myself to be OK with not wanting known depression in my romantic life.

I am glad I got a straight answer. I really like Mr Exotic when he is in a good place. But the idea of someone "making" themself spend time with you...
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.

Last edited by Atlantis; 02-09-2020 at 06:19 PM.
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  #1048  
Old 02-09-2020, 07:14 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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I've been struggling with that a bit myself, Atlantis. I don't know. Mental illness is really tough.

One of my ex-boyfriends, John, has severe depression he doesn't want to get help for. I love him dearly, but not romantically anymore because I can't let myself get that entangled with him or I'll get sucked down too.

My husband, Henry, also has fairly severe cyclical depression. The difference is that he treats it, and he wants to get better. He takes medication and he is in counseling.

I recently found out that my boyfriend, Charles, also suffers from depression and he's been having a hard time with it. Still kind of figuring that out. You're right, it does make things more difficult. You can't really help someone who doesn't want to help themselves, either.

I never really worry that Henry is making himself spend time with me, but I do worry that about Charles. I don't like feeling like an obligation. I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing to put your own mental health first and not get involved, especially if you don't have a strong connection already.
__________________
Me: 36 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant woman.
My People:
Henry, 32yrs, my husband & collared submissive (5yrs), poly, pansexual, currently no other partners.
Charles, 27yrs, my boyfriend (1yr), poly, heteroflexible, currently no other partners.
Jennifer, 44yrs, ex girlfriend but very close friend.
Mark/xH, ex husband (10yrs married, 2yrs divorced).
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  #1049  
Old 02-12-2020, 04:55 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,144
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Thanks Vicki. Big Thanks. You say it so well. Those who are willing to work on it and those who are not.

Part of me is very attracted to how attractive I find him and the larger part of me is "no way".

The new hard work therapy me is open to enthusiastic and energetic relationships. Folks who are aware of their shit but want to make things different. I am aware of my shit and I want to make it different.

Mr Exotic seems very accepting of his depression. I want to be with the, "Today is good," Mr Exotic. I want to be with a partner who finds most days good.

I see now that his love-bombing and "very enthusiastic about the future" talk was on a "good day". Most of his days are bad.

Most of my days are pretty good. I might whine and complain on my blog: but most of my days are good. I have good things on my calendar. Some with people and some by myself.

Mr Green and I have had been texting. My therapist gave me very strict texting guidelines for texting someone who is very ill. Very good guidelines. I am glad I listened. She was correct. I am texting support. Outer circle supporting in.

Despite all that is going on with him, Mr Green messaged me at the weekend. An update. Information.

I sent a message last night and his brother replied. Mr Green texted himself sometime later. He is doing well. Out look is positive.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.

Last edited by Atlantis; 02-12-2020 at 02:10 PM.
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  #1050  
Old 02-14-2020, 03:25 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,144
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My neighbor texted me to say I have flowers at my door.

I drove home wondering who they could be from.

I had no clue till I stopped in the petrol station and realized that tomorrow is Valentine's Day.

At no moment on the drive did I think they were from Prof. It wasn't till I realized that tomorrow was Valentine's Day did he come into the equation.

I feel a bit bad. I am drowning in work and all the calendar dates are just dates. In my head Friday is organized. Meetings, pick up times...My kids are with their Dad tonight so I had no thoughts of sending stuff to school for Valentine's parties or whatever. Nada. Nothing. Friday is the 14th. Here is the list of things to do on the 14th.

I was in bed before 8pm last night. Tonight will be the same. When my brain is very over worked it needs to go to sleep. It does not feel a need to pace the floors all night stressing. I do appreciate this about my brain. Brain says bed time. I say OK. My kids are now old enough to do bed-time without me if necessary though probably not regularly.

I was willing to let the cats wander the house freely last night and sleep with me. A little after 8pm I realized the cats were no-where upstairs. I went downstairs and they were sitting outside kitty jail, AKA the downstairs small powder/toilet room, waiting to get put to bed!

Kitty jail is pretty awesome. 2 beds, food, water, litter boxes, window perch, and the toilet is covered with "buddy blankets". Adopting older pets is a good thing.

I am not having any sex. At all. I am revelling in slow dating and holding onto my STD testing clearance.

It's hard to describe. This feeling/certainty that you will have to be awesome over a period of time before I am willing to fuck.
__________________
Me: late 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. partner of 6+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Lime: early 50s. 1 year partner. It's complicated.
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