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Old 02-13-2020, 12:17 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Hello soconfused13,

Trying to give your ex-husband the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like he sees sex as non-emotional; that is, sex is just something you do for fun. (Think sport sex.) He is speaking in a callous way (BJ/pussy wife and ass wife) because "Hey it's just sex, it's only sex." Like there aren't real people involved, just sex robots. Love has nothing to do with it. I am assuming you (and Lissa) do not look at it in that way. If my assumption is right, then maybe you and Lissa are not sexually compatible with him. If I'm wrong in that assumption, then maybe that particular part of his behavior is okay. Although I'm not so sure about the "cooker and cleaner" remark. And "You need to figure out how to overcome your emotional and medical issues?" That sounds rather selfish. What is *he* willing to contribute in this relationship?

Re: does it look like a complete recipe for disaster? ... actually it sounds like a pretty sweet deal for him. For you, not so much ...

Re: does it look like he thinks poly is all about the sex not the relationship? ... well I don't know if poly is what he's shooting for. He definitely wants some kind of nonmonogamy, and he does seem to want your consent. But does he want you to consent freely, or does he want to push you into it?

Re: does it look like he is trying to manipulate two people he knows who love him? ... it does look manipulative on his part, yes.

Re: do I think there are any real feelings for you, or does he just want you there to fulfill his needs and desires? ... he is definitely focused on what *he* wants, not at all on what *you* need.

Re: do I think this type of personality could actually hold a poly relationship together? ... look at his track record. He has split up with you twice, and the second time, he met Lissa and divorced you. All while continuing to have sex with you and then after the fact he says, "Hey, how about you be the cooking/BJ/pussy wife, and Lissa can be the cleaning/ass wife." This does not sound like a man who can hold any kind of relationship together, much less a poly one. It sounds like he wants you to be the one who holds it all together.

Re: you are a little afraid that no man would want a disabled woman with two special needs kids ... this does complicate things a bit, but let's assume you're right. You then have a choice, of being alone, or of being with him. Which of those two options is worse? Only you can answer that question, but being with him does not sound to me like a good deal for you right now.

Re: you don't know what has happened to the man you fell in love with ... perhaps you are staying with him in the hopes that he will become that man again. I don't know whether he will. He could be going through a mid-life crisis; maybe he'll come to his senses after awhile. How long are you willing to wait?

As the others have pointed out, you have to take care of yourself before you can be a good helper to other people. Take care of yourself.

Sympathy and regards,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-28-2020, 11:10 AM
Amygdala Amygdala is offline
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Adelaide South Australia
Posts: 56

Wow, just wow.

It's one thing for a guy to dream of having two women, so common it's a cliche... But

Could it be possible that that entire time from the first spit up that he was searching for his magic third he thought he could manipulate as way to get this happening?

5. do you think this type of personality could actually hold a poly relationship together?

Perhaps the question should be Do I think I could hold a poly relationship with this person?
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