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Old 02-11-2020, 07:18 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,912

Originally Posted by JackDarlene View Post
I am still recovering from the loss of my other female partner. Her husband now has a new partner but the chemistry is totally different (he's in love with her, but I am not, and neither is Darlene).

It's been a year, and we've tried to adjust, but it just doesn't work, so I guess we're going to have to let go and live with the memories of what we had for a while. It was wonderful while we had the 4 of us. We had something very special and very rare. Life happens, though, doesn't it?
Hi, Jack.

The I/we/he things are confusing. I assumed this is Jack posting. I edited your post to make it more about individuals, for clarity.

We strongly suggest that you name your partners and metamours in our Guidelines, rather than just saying "my wife," "my boyfriend" "my lover," "my partner's partner," etc. You can see how confusing that can be. I am going to suggest nicknames.

We have Jack.
We have Darlene.
We have your late female partner, Betty.
We have your (shared) male partner, Jared.
We have Jared's newish gf, Lucy.

So, Jared has a new female partner, Lucy. Is she local to him, but not local to you, Jack and Darlene?

You, Jack, and your wife, Darlene, have tried to establish an intimate relationship with Lucy, but neither of you are in love with her. And apparently, she isn't in love with either of you. Are there no fond feelings at all? Is there jealousy and competition? Is Jared moving to monogamy with Lucy?

Why is that? Does Lucy object to Jared continuing his relationship with the 2 of you? Is Jack OK with letting you, Jack, and Darlene, both go now?

Love is rare! Why is it necessary to let go of each other? Can't you at least still be good friends?
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 64)
Pixi (poly, F, 42) my partner since January 2009, cohabiting
"Maestro" (mono, M, 38), Pixi's bf since April 2013, co-primary
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Old 02-12-2020, 08:55 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 18,611

Hi Jack,

I'm sorry to hear that you are still grieving from the loss of your female partner (Betty). Grief doesn't have an expiration date, it lasts as long as it lasts. You will probably always have an empty place in your heart where Betty used to be. Sometimes when you have a loss in a quad, the remainder of it just doesn't adhere together. You will always have wonderful memories and that is the important thing.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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