What words do you use - lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, something else?

Just focus on the love and not the labels.

I'm lucky in that I could care less about labels. I will never let myself feel equal with Redpepper's husband out of respect for there relationship and him as a person. I like the supporting role:)

I feel very much like you in the respect that their relationship DOES come first and I will do nothing to jeapordize this. I'm not usually a labels kind of person, but for some reason I feel the need. Perhaps it is because I had a wife for so long.
This is all just very new to us too. What we were doing just seemed natural and the right thing to do for us. And then we find this whole new world of people and support and all these terms... It can be a bit overwhelming.

I do focus on the love that we have for each other. That's what gets me through these long days so very far away from my family. lol I'd just like to call them something but not sure what. I suppose it will come with time.
 
How About just that Honey..Family. Cause thats what we are. Its does seem strange now that we have found this "explination" for what we this is...but it doesnt change it. Still the same relationship as before..But with a name.
 
How's about just calling yourselfves Lucky LOL! Sounds like you are all on the same page and heading for a great future:D
 
True that baby. You're absolutely right.
Just kinda in introductions was what I was thinking...

hehe we ARE lucky. :D thanks Mono
 
Intros can be tough....we're still somewhat in the closet in this small town. Out of deference to my wife and our other, I really like Mono's "lifelove" label. Secondary just doesn't do it.......
 
I like to call my husband what he is and depending on the company, I call mono my "primary." It denotes that he has a place over others in my life, but not the same status as my husband. If I am introducing mono to people not in the poly community I call him my "boyfriend" or "other partner." I feel a bit strange calling him my "life love" as I feel my husband should be fitting that role.... but then I see mono as fitting it also, so I don't use it at all and it has become my name. If we were ever to get married I would call him my "other husband" I think. Marriage is a commitment that comes with it's own labels and I like to use them as they are respected in our culture as having loved each other enough to commit on a deeper level than simple boy/girl friend. That would seem fitting with mono and I.
 
I love this thread!

I would ideally prefer to be able to introduce my partners by their names, plain and simply and not have to explain why I'm holding hands with someone that I haven't exclusively introduced as my bf. But, I live in a very small community. Just getting up and going for a walk with someone of the opposite sex immediately invites questions from at least one person, even when there's absolutely nothing sexual/romantic between us.

So, it gets complicated. I introduce 'R' as my friend, (it's much too early for us to have any kind of bf/gf/lover status) and when my lover 'D' comes to visit, I will introduce her as my friend as well. I also will not refrain from kissing her or flirting with her in public. That will immediately raise confusion and at least a few questions from other people in my community.

That's where I have no idea what to call them or what to say when people ask. If they want to know the truth, I'll tell them, but not without the fear of being misunderstood or rejected.

'R' is someone I'm falling in love with, feel a very, very strong connection with, but I'm not ready to be his gf, so I still call him a friend, not bf. My connection with 'D' is much more clear, simply because she's in a primary relationship with her gf. I am one of her side lovers and we're good friends. I'm happy being called her lover and don't need more from her. I also really love her, but I'm not in love with her.

I would hope that in the future, there will be acceptance when and if I call more than one person my bf or gf.
 
What do you call your secondaries?

I'm currently debating this with my [fill in the blank] - what exactly do we call each other? What do you call your secondaries?
 
I'm currently debating this with my [fill in the blank] - what exactly do we call each other? What do you call your secondaries?

I suspect you'll find a wide variation on this depending on who & where you are "calling" it to. It will likely depend on your life and lifestyle, the network of people you expect to interact with (family, co-workers, children, etc).

It may vary from "close friend" to OSO, lover, mate, soulmate......on and on.
Whatever is appropriate for the given audience. And sometimes it may just be their proper name and leave the audience to twist it in whatever direction their minds are capable of :)

GS
 
Yeah, I think we're mainly talking about names for the circles we're out in, if that makes sense. Or on the internet, where people know we're poly but not who we are.

I'm not really looking for a definitive answer, just some suggestions. Nothing we've come up with so far quite fits.
 
I call her by her name.
I also refer to her by her name when talking to others.

I usually let people work out for themselves what the relationship is.
 
Started out calling her our gf, now she's the wife. If I have to specify when I'm talking to someone, I call them by name (which is bizarre since at home we all go by pet names...lol) or if I refer to them together, then they are my girls.

Hope you find one that suits everyone. :)
 
I call him by name when talking to others.
IF someone asks about our relationship-he's my boyfriend.
But I HATE that term and would prefer not to use it-so I don't OFFER it that way.

Often I'll say he's my best friend-because HE IS my best friend. But ONLY if it's not going to leave the situation feeling/looking like I lied in terms of not acknowledging the depth of our relationship.

I never lie about us being committed lovers.
 
Given names or boyfriend depending on the person I'm talking to.

Online it's Breathes for my primary & Possibility for my secondary. I'm not overly fond of hierarchical (sp?) titles but these two terms DO cover what type of relationship they are in my life.

Breathes is a name he's used forever online & Possibility because I started calling him that online to help differentiate between the two without going primary & secondary since, to me, primary and secondary are just words with no special meaning & both of my guys are VERY special to me so I don't want to degrade them that way.
 
His name mostly but as a way to state our relationship to others then we use boyfriend. And I hate that. To me it doesn't totally convey what he means to me. I've tried to come up with a better name but I was never successful and he is the one that settled on that description.
 
Whatever is appropriate for the given audience. And sometimes it may just be their proper name and leave the audience to twist it in whatever direction their minds are capable of :)

GS

For us three, my husband is my man and my (.........) is my "second man", but at least I say that with a twinkle, because emotionally he´s not secondary to me. With other people, I often use other terms, as Grounded Spirit has put it - it depends on the audience.

Some people I´m not so closely related with or of whom I know they would never ever understand poly, don´t even know about our situation. For them, he´s just my best friend.

For me personally, when I try to describe my feelings, he´s one of the two men I love most in the world, and the female, melancholic, elvish part of the whole.
 
I've been trying to figure this one out, too. I just use his name as much as possible, but of course there are those situations where you're talking to people who don't know the others in your life by name, and it's more natural to use a descriptor like my husband/boyfriend/partner/etc. I refuse to say "friend," because I don't want to downplay/be secretive about anything. For a while I used to say "guy I'm seeing" or something like that, but that seems too casual now. So generally I end up saying boyfriend, even though I'm not fond of the term.
 
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