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Old 10-03-2018, 12:23 PM
Shadow Shadow is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: England
Posts: 2
Thumbs up Poly and infidelity, a silver lining.

A few years ago, my husband and I were continentally separated (through no fault of our own) for a number of months. It was a really difficult period for both of us and one of us handled it better than the other, instead of being able to cope I sought the support and affections of a new found friend and quickly monogamy became infidelity.

Up to this point, DH and I were essentially monogamous. I have always identified as pansexual and have had relationships with both men and women. It was no secret that I was very (and continue to be) very open minded and I was happy and excited to experiment. Polyamory was not even a word I understood at the time.

After my indiscretions, I was completely open to DH and told him the truth. Soon after we were reunited and attempted to continue on, moving past my infidelity. Though we were able to move forward, a part of me had been awakened by this experience - I had met someone that I wanted to be with, that I almost instantly fell in love with and yet I did not want to lose my DH either...

It was DH, after many months of misery on my part, who suggested polyamory. We sat and discussed it for hours on end, we came up with rules and expectations that we both had of our new 'situation' as it was fondly named and very soon after I had approached by now OH who was willing to engage in a V. My DH did not want to lose me, he wanted me to be happy and he wanted us to be happy - he felt ultimate compersion and with no knowledge of polyamory or his own thoughts on the subject, he was willing to share me.

Almost 2 years later, my DH and OH are the best of friends (we, like everyone, have our own issues) and I am happy that I have the two men in my life who I absolutely love and adore. My DH and I have 2 children who are completely aware of the situation and love my OH as much as they love Dad.

Though infidelity or broken relationships are generally not a good idea to enter into polyamory, after a period of ups and downs it has worked for us. We are now talking about potential future metamours that would see both DH and OH dating and perhaps finding a unicorn or two. That said, there is no pressure and it will happen if / when the time is right. I do still feel a bit of jealousy about this and I am nervous as to how I will feel when they both meet someone else but I only want them to be happy!

At this time, we are 'in the closet' and only a couple very close to us is aware of the truth. I hope that a time will come when I can tell my family etc - who knows, maybe when Facebook adds multiple relationship statuses
Me - 33/F/Pan/Poly (Pivot MFM)
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infidelity, polyamory

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