Hello all, I have soo many questions and I can't imagine being able to ask them all here, so here I go!
Firstly, Just recently got married to the love of my life last year, and everything seemed to be amazing and could never get better! We recently had a misscarriage, and it is affecting us both differently. My wife began to grow distant a month or so after it had happened, and would reassure me that nothing was wrong.
When she got back from a short vacation with her father, she informed me that she feels she is polyamorous. This was a HUGE shock to me, came out of left field so to speak. Over the last 7 years together the subject was never brought up and even before our wedding, the stipulation of monogamy was in both of our minds, with each other, and noone else forever.
This decision was brought to my attention one week ago today, and I being of a monogamous backround am still having a hard time with understanding everything. For example, she has never experienced this idea either, but insists that my worries are false and her confidence is not(which in and of itself is one sided)
I know her feelings are not bad, or wrong. Just as my feelings about it are not. I love this woman with everything I have, and after she explained everything to me in her own mind, my heart sank to my stomach. Feelings of abandonment, that I cannot provide something for her that she needs, that she is in love with someone else allready and doesnt want to get divorced...
I know alot of these are irrational fears and insecurities like this are not pleasant. Before we even talked about it we both came to the conclusion that regardless of trying this lifestyle or not, if it promotes problems in our marriage we will end it, but afterwords it seems more like this is something she will do with or without my comfortableness.
I have a lot of fears and most of them come from an idea that I will never be good enough for my wife now. when I had told my spouse that I need longer than a week to adjust and to comprehend what this may mean for us, she became very upset saying that i can never understand unless we try it and there is nothing else she can explain or talk about. If just telling my spouse that I need some time to contemplate could create this much tension, what am I to believe will happen durring the relationships with others?
I worry about loosing my wife to this, not the idea, but the fact that we both are not on the same page about it. If I tell her that I do not want to explore the idea, or if we do and it isnt everything she needs or wants. My close friends had explained that her hormones and feelings(emotions) are still off balance from the misscarriage and can take up to a year to correct themselves.
If anyone can help me with some clarity, how this love for others feels, and if someone has come from a monogomous backround and became polyamorous, please respond. I need that clarification before I continue to speak with her in that regard, because my first reaction was to say no and that I was uncomfortable, but now that I have done some reading it is looking like a better idea, but not ideal. I don't want to risk my marriage.
Thank you all for your time.
Firstly, Just recently got married to the love of my life last year, and everything seemed to be amazing and could never get better! We recently had a misscarriage, and it is affecting us both differently. My wife began to grow distant a month or so after it had happened, and would reassure me that nothing was wrong.
When she got back from a short vacation with her father, she informed me that she feels she is polyamorous. This was a HUGE shock to me, came out of left field so to speak. Over the last 7 years together the subject was never brought up and even before our wedding, the stipulation of monogamy was in both of our minds, with each other, and noone else forever.
This decision was brought to my attention one week ago today, and I being of a monogamous backround am still having a hard time with understanding everything. For example, she has never experienced this idea either, but insists that my worries are false and her confidence is not(which in and of itself is one sided)
I know her feelings are not bad, or wrong. Just as my feelings about it are not. I love this woman with everything I have, and after she explained everything to me in her own mind, my heart sank to my stomach. Feelings of abandonment, that I cannot provide something for her that she needs, that she is in love with someone else allready and doesnt want to get divorced...
I know alot of these are irrational fears and insecurities like this are not pleasant. Before we even talked about it we both came to the conclusion that regardless of trying this lifestyle or not, if it promotes problems in our marriage we will end it, but afterwords it seems more like this is something she will do with or without my comfortableness.
I have a lot of fears and most of them come from an idea that I will never be good enough for my wife now. when I had told my spouse that I need longer than a week to adjust and to comprehend what this may mean for us, she became very upset saying that i can never understand unless we try it and there is nothing else she can explain or talk about. If just telling my spouse that I need some time to contemplate could create this much tension, what am I to believe will happen durring the relationships with others?
I worry about loosing my wife to this, not the idea, but the fact that we both are not on the same page about it. If I tell her that I do not want to explore the idea, or if we do and it isnt everything she needs or wants. My close friends had explained that her hormones and feelings(emotions) are still off balance from the misscarriage and can take up to a year to correct themselves.
If anyone can help me with some clarity, how this love for others feels, and if someone has come from a monogomous backround and became polyamorous, please respond. I need that clarification before I continue to speak with her in that regard, because my first reaction was to say no and that I was uncomfortable, but now that I have done some reading it is looking like a better idea, but not ideal. I don't want to risk my marriage.
Thank you all for your time.