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Old 02-16-2017, 03:38 AM
WaffleBattleBlues WaffleBattleBlues is offline
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 7
Wink OK, I'll talk

1. Do you want an open relationship?


2. Is your relationship stable and happy?

At this point and for the last few months, yes. Talking to my wife about poly and telling her this is something I think I *am* was tough. But the result was a new openness in our relationship that's gotten better.

3. Are you an enthusiastic sex & relationship communicator?

I am now. Talking about sex is easy. I think I still need work on the relationship communication stuff simply because I sometimes have thoughts or questions that I forget to communicate.

I also need to be a little better at proding my partner to communicate. Weekly check-ins help a lot.

Still, much better than before.

4. How jealous are you?

Strangely, not at all. I've actually been trying to come up with fantasies and scenarios where I might actually be jealous of my wife with another man or woman. I'm doing this to prepare for when we finally do open our marriage sometime in the future.

By "strangely", I'm really referring to my relationship history. I've been very insecure about my abilities as boyfriend or lover. But I think I've finally dealt with those feelings.

5. How anxiously attached are you?

Well, considering my wife told me about a year ago she wanted a divorce and now our relationship is the best it has ever been, not so much.

Sure, me delving into poly might ultimately result in the end of our relationship. But I'm not afraid to face that anymore. I'm accepting myself for who I am and I'm sure she does too. But life doesn't usually give us exactly what we insist we need. I've learned to let go of my anxiety over this and learned to roll with it.

6. How cognitively flexible/tolerant of ambiguity are you?

Life is ambiguity. I deal pretty well. I expect I'll deal with ambiguity in relationships also by being tolerant, forgiving, loving and trying to forsee problems, so I can prevent them.

7. How well do you regulate your emotions?

It is mind boggling just how much I used to suck at this. Twenty years of marriage and consciously, tirelessly working on my own crap has made me pretty damn good at this. Until the next left hook to my jaw, then I'll probably have another fabulous learning experience. I have the tools to deal with them, though and that's the real power.

8. Do you have a supportive community?

Not yet. It's available to me where I live and I'm aware of it, but I haven't engaged yet because my wife isn't ready for that. Actually, I wasn't ready for it myself until recently. Eventually, I'll join that community with the full consent and (hopefully) participation of my wife. Until then, I read everything I can get my big mitts on about poly, in preparation for when I can stick my toe in the water.
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