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  #921  
Old 09-29-2018, 02:17 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Weds with Prof was interesting, we had a bit of talk about dating and partners. He told me a long time ago that lies because he can and does it to see if people ever call him out on it, ego in extremis. He is spinning his monogamous gf lies and half truths, he spins me a number of lies too, I know him well enough to now know when he does and I just don't care. I did tell him he might want to be honest with her and let her make an informed choice. He said she doesn't want to know about his dating life. She sounds like me a couple of years ago, head in the sand and hoping he will change. It has made me look at Mr Lime in a new light.

Mr Lime, Thursday night. I went and did my volunteering at the kid's school for an hour or so and then we had a great time. NRE! Lots of talking, he asks me a lot of questions about me which is very thought provoking. Sex twice and ready to move into some BDSM play. He said he wants to talk to more in detail about pain first. In some ways he is very wild, Army helicopter pilot before moving moving into regular work which requires him to be very detail oriented. It is funny watching him pack his bag so carefully and organized when naked with his long braids down to his very nice round ass. I like being fucked by a man with Predator hair.

He said he was telling his friend about me and has 3 things he notices, very intelligent, funny and driven. I was quite flattered!

Lots of STD talk, we are both going to HIV done as the minimum, as see what else we can finagle through insurance. It is likely to only be a few of the main ones. He wants to fluid bond, not using those exact words. I asked him if he usually is the go-full-steam-ahead with relationships type, as this all very fast for me, he said no, but understands my concerns. I really feel like doing the chocolate covered boyfriend monogamy thing. He told me about his out of state FWB and the he would break up with her on his next trip. I told him I was fine with him not breaking up with her but there would be the expectation that they would use condoms. I told him that I had other people too. It feels like if things go well ( NRE is crazy ) that we might slide into monogamy. But I am in no rush to make any big moves or changes. The monogamy path is one I think I want to walk on occasion and then find that monogamy is really not for me. I have a huge capacity to care.

We met for a bit briefly after work today ( NRE stolen minutes ) and took a walk around the park. He invited me out of state again, I said no, but kind of opened up to it when I was driving home. When do I ever say no to travel. He said he will look at flights.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #922  
Old 10-05-2018, 05:59 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Mr Lime doesn't want to do open relationships or polyamory or any version of non-monogamy. He wants to just date one person.
We had an extensive discussion about him still being married and his FWB and that he has been doing some form of open relationship and/or informed non-monogamy for a period of time, at least a year. He said he doesn't want to do that anymore. He said he and his wife officially called the marriage off in May after 21 years. Very short recovery time.
I didn't ask if he will officially file for divorce, I get the feeling he won't anytime soon, kids, house, taxes etc. I said that I am not asking him for any change in what he does, I am not asking him to stop seeing his, or, as he calls describes it, his FWB, or to stop having conjugal visits with the wife, but says he wants a monogamous relationship.

I am certainly taken aback by this. I just don't know. My conversation with Prof last week was quite the eye-opener, his whole " Ms Cherry doesn't want to know so I don't tell," discussion. Ms Cherry is holding out for Prof to give up his non-monogamous ways and has no idea that I have been in his life for over 5 years. Prof offers what he can with time. I can't do Ms Social Hostess but Ms Cherry has ( I have picked this up over time ) body issues and prefers vanilla sex. Prof has treated me very poorly at times but also, in his own way, been there for me and the kids; I wouldn't be sitting in this house if not for him. He has worked his latest out of the country trip to be back in time for the wedding, we fly out tomorrow. He has paid for everything and I believe him when he says he values my family. Do I cut Prof off because of someone I met 2 months ago?

I simply don't have a consistent view of of what kind of relationship model I want. It changes from hour to hour and day to day. Mostly, I come back to the idea that I don't want an adult male in my house 24/7, that is why solo poly has worked for me. But sometimes I think I want the full-time thing. I did try it with Mr Dom but when he moved into my town it became overwhelming and he moved back down to his original town and then moved a distance away.
A number of years ago there was "Joe" who floated the idea of moving closer to me, I was not into that idea at all. Mr PoD had a meltdown because I wouldn't commit to just him ( although he wanted other partners too ).

Mr Lime wants us to date and see where it goes. The idea of one person scares the crap out of me. You can only care for one person? Only have sex with one person? I am not a fan of the word "love", I think I 'like" and "care" are more my style. I have so much "care" . I don't want to be limited in the number of adult male partners that I can "care" about. I am poly"care"amous. Deep, long lasting care. With a capital C, Care. I don't fall into love or out of love easily, I don't even understand romantic love, but I do really really care.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 10-05-2018 at 06:01 AM.
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  #923  
Old 10-13-2018, 12:07 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Lots of good things. The wedding weekend was just wonderful, hanging out with the cousins for the first time in 15 years! We had lots of periods in life where we lived very close to each other and we were more like siblings. Prof got on well with everyone and took great photos. He told me that whole weekend trip would be his treat! Wow! I was very much stressing about how to cover it, I know he would have let me make payments or it would have burned up most of my signing bonus.
Continuing with Prof; Weds night, I was in bed and his cell phone rings, I know he will be up in a minute and I never would answer it. It rings again. So I start to get out of bed to go get him, 2 phone calls late at night = urgent, then the house phone rings. The house phone has an old style answering machine so I got hear the entirety of Ms Cherry's message. " I love you, why won't you answer your phone etc." So when Prof came upstairs I said we need to talk about this and we did. He said he is very clear with her that monogamy is not an option. I said she is crossing the line into demanding girlfriend. He made a few excuses, like she's out of town, lonely, wont be around his birthday... I said we all text before we call, no-one ( and I'm including other partners ) would call on a night that was not theirs for anything less than a real issue and she has just called 3 times on a night that you haven't been free for years. She left a magazine on the table with her name and address, Prof told her not to but she did anyway. ( she maintains that she doesn't want anyone of the other partners to know who she is ). There are other things but she is trying to stake her claim publicly. He asked me what I think he should do and I said I am saying anything about what you should do but are you aware this is escalating into drama? He said is but is trying to ignore it and calm it down. My reply is that I am not willing to have girlfriend bleed-over again. I have done it twice already and a third time is just too much. He is just as responsible as they are because he is the repeating link.
He questioned if I am breaking up with him over it. I reassured him that I am not. He said he really doesn't want that, in fact he wants me to start calendaring again and start setting up weekend time as well as set dates for next summer. I was pretty shocked at this and told him that my calendaring fanaticism used to be something he complained about, he admitted that he had but he he actually missed it since I had stopped doing it and it was important to him to get some time other than Wednesdays secured. He said that things with us are good, he loves me deeply, loves my family and will not throw the relationship away due to other partner drama. He wanted reassurance that I am in it for the long term too. He said he regrets how the other relationships impacted us in the past and pointed out that nearly all our problems ever have been because of the other partners. Umm yes!
I did point out that I am pretty crap with the socializing thing, like I see "real girlfriends" participate with (like his friends in the city that he does partner dinners and things with ) and he said yes but that I know all his real friends and he is fine with me keeping the socializing to our local town and he can take other partners to that kind of thing. It feels like, and the conversation pointed to, he wants me to be his "real girlfriend" moving forward.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #924  
Old 10-13-2018, 04:38 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Part II

So the calendaring thing. Makes me nervous, as I am a scheduler in recovery, but Mr Lime is also asking for dates. I did connect a non-work electronic calendar to my phone, I have been avoiding doing that.

I had quite a long text chat with Mr Lime over the scheduling and time expectations. I asked him about phone chat, he said pretty much anytime but he may not be able to answer. I said I do a " phone talk?" text before calling so random calls aren't likely. I also said I would like to phone talk every once in a while as the schedules mean we are likely to only see each other once a week and often times less. He is very open to that, not a phone-call-phobe.

We worked out that we will see each other on second Thursdays at his place and he actually wanted full weekends at mine when I don't have the kids but we compromised on the Saturday nights. I am offering Prof a few Friday nights plus I have friends to see and frequently just want to be home.

Last night with Mr Lime was fun if embarrassing. He mixed very strong margaritas and I really wasn't prepared for how strong, so I had a few. And it was one of those moments when the alcohol hits you at one go and bam! I was really drunk at 6pm. We had some great sex. He used his hands and my arms and legs to pin me. Very strong restraint. Luckily, I am keeping up with the yoga so could bend as requested We are working up to a full-on BDSM session but it would need to be at my house which won't be for a few weeks.

Lots of NRE. We are text chatting a lot when I am at work. He keeps asking me what I want from a relationship and I am being honest and saying I really don't know, it changes. I want sex, communication, caring love, but not 24/7, I want my free time too. I have no desire for a live-in lover. Maybe that part will change one day.

The embarrassing part of last night was being asleep by 7:30pm. We had plans to go out into town for dinner and a walkabout. I woke up at 2am to pee and we had sex at some time in the middle of the night. but apart from that, I was asleep for around 11 hours. I was disappointed that we didn't get to spend real time together but I was so tired from all the activity of the past 2 weeks that 2 strong margaritas and lots of orgasms and I was out like a light!

Och well. It is likely we will continue to see each other and he was fine about it.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #925  
Old 10-16-2018, 06:13 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Had to do a schedule shift with Prof due to work so we just had a booty call on the way out the door he said, " I love you."
That is so uncommon that I had to blog it!
Neither of us are big on the " I love yous." I do go through occasional bouts of trying to say it more but it never lasts long.

We did have the big discussion last week where he thought a lot of his lovers, including Ms Cherry, were very interested in the money. I said I really didn't care and was with him long before he started what he is doing now, if all the money disappeared then he would still have a roof over his head with me. I said I have loved and cared about him for years, a deep love, I accept him for being the git that he can be, he annoys me, we get frustrated with other, but its pretty much a long haul thing at this point. He was very much in agreement and said he hope I know if anything ever happens to me then he will take over everything financial for the boys.

Chit chatting away with Mr Lime while he is away. I texted tonight that I should message less and retain an air of mystery. The big texting trap is one I fall into often. But he said he really enjoys it and the connection is important to him. He is a more " out in the open" emotional person than I am, keeps asking what I want in a relationship. He said tonight that he would like to spend New Year's eve with me. I will have the kids but said we could out for a few hours. I don't think I have made it to midnight at New Years for years!

I am really enjoying him. Very, very smart but with a wild side. He sent me pics from a leather place, the type where you buy pieces of leather. He is going to make me some restraints but his favorite thing to make is collars! He puts jewel studs in them! Sounds very sexy.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #926  
Old 10-22-2018, 05:34 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Friday night with Prof. He denied ever saying Ms Cherry was interested in the money. I didn't argue. He also said don't recycle conversations that we had where alcohol had been consumed, a very fair comment. He was the one that brought up the "state of our relationship" discussion; I had no plan to do so. But he was again being very loved up and said he understood my concerns with Ms Cherry ( I had not mentioned a thing since the other week with the phone calls ) and said he had could summarize our relationship in 5 words or less. ( Very Ernest Hemmingway and the 6 word story he had not heard of that so I explained the story. And for those who do not know " For sale, baby shoes, never worn. " ) His 5 words are " I'm not going to give you up." Not exactly 5 but hey... He was very into explaining his mistakes with Ms White Pickett, I tried to tell him there was no need to rehash. He apologized for putting her and the drama first and said I had been with him the longest, gone through all sorts with him, and he had no intention of giving me up because of other relationship drama. It was very sweet and entirely unexpected. We again agreed that if our relationship ended because we didn't like each other then that was fine but neither of us would go down the path of break ups or not speaking because of outside influences. He apologized for his silent treatment over the cloud storage photo thing and said he over-reacted. He is very into planning next summer and looking ahead.

I am certainly a little taken aback by the recent declarations of love and what feels like commitment. It is certainly very nice, but I do take it with a pinch of salt. He and I have been up and down over the years. He kept saying " I am not going to give you up." It felt very genuine. My 6 words or less was " Long term family." He kept asking me for a statement about our relationship and he again iterated that not matter what happened to our relationship or if anything ever happened to me ( my fear in life ) that he would financially take care of the kids. He would organize what I had and make sure they had whatever they needed, as in college etc. He asked what was " long term family" repeatedly. I said that to be part of my family, and it includes friends, means you never stop caring. It goes beyond here and now to whatever is needed for always. I think he was hoping for some kind of " love" statement. I don't quite function with the term " romantic love" as I have written here many times. I get family love and friends as my family love. Romantic love seems so impermanent ( and this is just to me ). I feel nothing as I do family love, that I get. Family may annoy you and irritate you and drive you nuts, but family will be there when the house burns down and illness strikes, family love is permanent. Family love accepts you as you are, knows your flaws and mostly laughs about them. Family love will give you a kidney and steps in front of a bus. Prof said he paid for the wedding trip not for me, but to be with family, he said he did to be part of the family, my family.

Mr Lime is wonderful. Romantic love? NRE? Loves to talk on the phone and plan for spending time together. It's a little intense and crazy, a little overwhelming. But I am being not me and going with it
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #927  
Old 10-30-2018, 03:47 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Mr Lime continues to be very enthusiastic. It is a little unusual and over whelming. He wants to have almost every free second on my calendar. He wanted to come down for 2 nights this weekend and I said fine but I need time to go and do some of my stuff alone, maybe meet my friend for lunch. He is coming to spend most of the day with me tomorrow. I took a day off work ( the horror ) to get the kids to annual doctor's appointments, so Mr Lime can hang out till about 3pm. I have some other chores to do too but we should stil be able to spend some time naked. He will be away over Thanksgiving, possibly for another 10 day trip, so I understand trying to jam in the time while we can.

It's me, he is not doing anything that is out of the ordinary. I am trying not to panic at the attention. It is unsettling for me to be the pursued and not the pursuer, it is definitely out of my comfort zone.

Last week Prof booked me on a flight to meet him at a conference for 2 nights mid November. It was one of those " I need to book it now so yes or no," moments. I said yes. I can leave after work so that is fine and be back home before kid pick up.

Prof has also got tickets for a live music event on Wednesday and booked a hotel near my work so I won't be too exhausted on Thursday. He is being very keen at the moment. Not sure what has sparked it all off, but I am enjoying it.

I am thinking long and hard about why I am so skittish about relationships. What am I afraid of losing and what are the benefits. I have a lot of resistance to being told what to do and how to do it. I am very sensitive to criticism and do feel that by opening up my life I open the doors to feeling lacking and inadequate. If you don't know then you can't judge.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #928  
Old 11-10-2018, 04:55 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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So Halloween night was good fun, nice dinner, music and hotel with a view with Prof. Mr Lime spent the weekend, I got tickets to an event on Friday, dinner, cocktails, 2 nice walks, a sunrise and sunset, some cooking, lots of sex.

Mr Lime has asked a few times about what I want from relationship with him. He is very clear on what he wants, a monogamous long-term GF. We have actually had number of in-depth conversations on the topic, he is always the one to bring it up. This afternoon was probably the most intense, as I had been unable to answer him about I want. This is something I have been unclear on for years and never seem to stick to my idea for very long either. But i have been putting a lot of though into and trying to move away from the idea of the effort and energy that I usually look for. My usual baseline is someone who will make me a cup of tea and come to the hospital if I break my leg, a low bar indeed.

I have been thinking and trying to do some more feeling about what I want. What I want is to be a priority and not get time and energy leftovers. I want acceptance for who I am, go to be early and not all that sociable in the morning, but hard working and dedicated. I want sex and someone who thinks I am sexy, desires me. I want someone to be all in, either I am independent and do it all myself or I have someone who I trust to do half. I either do solo-poly or have someone willing to commit.

Mr Lime, I do think, has a lot of NRE and enthusiasm very quickly. We are only 9 weeks in to this.

A lot of my reservation is about his marriage and where he is with what I term " disconnecting" from the relationship with his wife. He says he is a lot further along with it than I think he is, but he still hasn't told his "kids" that the marriage is over and they are not really kids but young adults, college and end of high school age. He said he is looking at apartments ( rents are crazy here ) and wants his kids to come down next summer for an extended stay and maybe for me to meet them. Well, that is not going to work if they have no idea their parents are separated and neither is a good idea if they announce a separation and 2 weeks later he introduces his new girlfriend. The kids will need time to grieve the end of the marriage, generally not a quick thing.

He has no idea what divorce will entail. He thinks it will all be amicable and easy. He told me to create a timeline in which I think he should have certain steps completed. I said absolutely no way, it all has to come from him and what he thinks is realistic, and by the way, we have only been seeing each other for 9 weeks!!!!!!!!! Slow down and take a breath!

But all this thinking and talking has resulted in some clarity for me. I am not doing half-assed "relationships" and by that I mean living together, sharing bills and being emotionally there for each other. Either I do my thing or there is real commitment and intent. I am not accepting emotional, time and energy leftovers from anyone if they expect, in return, full-time love and dedication.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.

Last edited by Atlantis; 11-10-2018 at 04:57 AM.
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  #929  
Old 11-16-2018, 05:23 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Feeling a little beat down. Having managed to repair my washing machine boot, garbage disposal, removed and replaced the toilet by myself ( 2 week project ) the gods have now thrown me a broken shower arm. Having cleaned up the water that sprayed everywhere and reassuring child that these things happen and I am not at all upset, I am out of home repair energy.
Ex is being an ass, court is likely looming. My resilience tank is running low. I at least managed to get packed for the trip out of town and I can leave work at bit early to make the flight.

I talked to my old replacement this week. She plans to quit, says she has no idea how I how managed to do it, and has 120 emails to deal with that night alone.

I got 2 performance evals back today from the new job. Apparently I am "killing it". Nice to hear, though a rather unusual turn of phrase under the circumstances. I took over a meeting earlier in the week as I couldn't deal with the incompetence being thrown out under the guise of a few acronyms. The person was patronizing and insulting. One meeting person tried to get me to speak to my credentials on the issue but I did not, however, I will not take being treated like an idiot under any circumstances.
Fucker, you are failing on every level, pick up your shit. I am done covering your ass. I am a newbie here but you are incompetent. Was the message. ( I don't want to punctuate that rant correctly )
Shit shovelling began the next day.

I don't miss it. I like going home and not dealing with this kind of crap. It was kind of fun to use my brain and knowledge for a short time A bit Gandalf and " You shall not pass!"

However, it makes me want to crawl deeper and further under the radar. I don't want to "kill it", I want to be ignored and left alone but it is starting. "Can you deal with this?" Well, yes, but I don't want to, and you are not paying me to. I am a minion, please only expect minion from me.

The pay cut is currently killing. Even forking out for airport remote parking and Uber for the weekend is budget busting. And I need a new shower head arm.
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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  #930  
Old 11-20-2018, 05:42 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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I wrote a long update and walked away before posting so it was all lost. Weekend trip was great.

Holidays. Polyamory and open relationships and time. I am not happy.
Prof just texted that he is out of town and cancelled Wednesday. "Out of town" is 30 minutes away. He is likely with Ms Cherry and might be seeing his own adult children but likely not. Why am I pissed? It is just the kids and me again.

Mr Lime was all agro about me dividing my time, but where is he? Out of town with wife and adult
kids.

You all want me to be independent and not ask for too much time and not ask for birthdays and holidays and other special times of the year?????? Fine. But do not fucking ask me what I am doing otherwise. So do not tell me that you don't want me seeing other people.

I am sooooo sick of being alone for the special days. On one hand I don't care. I can occupy my time very easily, I do not struggle with alone time. I love it and enjoy it. What I cannot stand is the interest in my time when others do not have plans. Either I am alone and I do it all my way or I am not. Alone means I pay my own rent, pay all the bills and have my own holiday traditions with my kids. Men folk say they like my independence, like that I don't ask for much, like that I manage it all by myself. Well, the other side of that is I do what I want and when I want. Don't ask me who I am meeting for dinner ( my old boss ) when you are ferrying your wife to medical appointments. I cannot be independent one minute and answerable the next, unless you are paying me ( work, my job ).
__________________
Me: mid 40s female.
Prof: late 50s. 5+ years.
Mr Dom: early 50s . Ex BF and now good friend.
Mr Six: early 50s. FWB for 3+ years.
Mr Lime: Early 50s. Recent meet. Kinky Dom.
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