Simultaneous NRE

She had mentioned that she and David have been together 15 years. I responded that I've only been with Ginger 2 1/2 years, and how in some ways, I feel like I barely know him. God knows, he's done some unexpected things in the past year, and I've felt out of the loop.

Also I shared this jealousy link with both her and Ginger yesterday.

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/images/Jealousy_Updated_10-6-10.pdf

I've been reading and rereading it. I want to determine what both Ginger and I are doing or not doing to have created this disconnect in our relationship.

It's easy to pinpoint what Ginger is doing that results in my feeling hurt and shocked and blindsided over and over again.

He is carried away by his NRE. He was so into her Saturday night, he didnt stop to think going to the next stage of intimacy with her the night before my daughter's unexpected wedding might just add more stress to me than I was already under. Almost unbearable stress and pain.

I don't feel great that, while I was dealing with the wedding stress, he went ahead and had a date with Carla both Thursday and Saturday, right before the wedding on Sunday.

He has also dismissed my feelings. I posted here how he laughed multiple times at my pain when we had that 6 hour relationship discussion. I know, as an Apsie, my emotions seemed kind of ridiculous to him. He couldn't help but laugh in a scoffing way.

Also he is not being reliable, just doing his thing without checking in with me. 2 of his last 3 sexually intimate dates, I did not know about until after the fact! Also, he "came home" (ie: signed off chat) 2 hours later last Saturday than I expected, and didn't say good night.

He also has cursed at me, telling me, "fuck you," and to "fuck off." Plus during the face to face talk, at one point he put his face and his finger in my face and yelled at me in a very aggressive manner.

To his credit, he has also been extra loving, telling me he loves me much more (altho I have mixed feelings about that... it seems like he's saying it just to butter me up). But he has been willing to have difficult talks about all his dating, the mess of dating a person new to poly, etc., etc. He has taken responsibility for mistakes he's made.

For example, when we had the long talk, I mentioned how it took me 3 years of dating to find him, "Mr Right." His response to that indicated he did not like being thought of as so right for me, and said it felt like "pressure." Which of course, hurt me, as it felt like my love for him was inconveniencing him rather than warming him. I don't feel I have been co-dependent. After all, I've got miss pixi, I've got hobbies and a job and volunteer work, etc. So, yesterday, he apologized for feeling this way, and said it's his shit that he has to work through. He "loves that I love him."

However, him not feeling well before and now, after, the surgery, has definitely hampered our emotional and physical connection. Even if he wasn't in NRE with Carla, this health issue would be challenging.
 
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Back to the "jealousy" link: on my end.

I think I am a good communicator. I am trying hard to identify my emotions down to their roots. How much of what Ginger does is hurting me, or how much is just triggering past hurts from my ex husband? Things like that. I am trying hard to break down my jealousy into manageable bits. I've told him how I want to feel special to him (altho at first he couldn't tell me I was).

I keep contrasting why it is I feel almost nothing but compersion for miss pixi and her Master, yet feel all bent out of shape for Ginger having a new partner. Argh!

Of course, I am willing to meet with Carla and David. Ginger is the one that seems afraid of me communicating with Carla. He's afraid I will say something so harsh, she will back out of wanting to be with him. (This doesn't seem like a valid fear, she's majorly hot for him.) It's all she can do just to slow the pace of physical intimacy. I am quite sure she can hardly wait to do oral and PiV with him, and isn't about to back out.

I am being courageous, I am doing self care, I love myself. I am trying to creatively work on this problem, over and over again.

However, I feel distant from him. The last time I saw him, last Friday night, when he got here, I was unmotivated to go to immediate delicious sex. Instead, we sat on the couch, miss pixi also in the room in a chair. I laid on Ginger's side, cuddling. We all chatted. But I didn't want to meet his eyes. I didn't feel close to him. Finally, after a full hour, I was willing to go have sex. But my heart wasn't in it. I felt like I was fucking a stranger. I even had to go into a headspace of remembering about when I was dating a lot and what it felt like to actually fuck a stranger, to be able to have pleasure and cum.

Blech. This all sounds terrible, doesn't it?

He gets his catheter out today. Now his reamed out prostate just has to continue to heal. He has tried to suppress all sexy thoughts all week since arousal felt bad with this thick catheter in place. I am not sure when he will be able to have any kind of sex again, could be another week, could be 2 or 3 more weeks.
 
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Time for a relationship update.

miss pixi's new bf/Master is pretty introverted, but he's becoming more and more comfortable with having her at his place. In fact, she is now at his place for a 2 night visit! I am basically OK with it, though since we've been living together for a year now, I am accustomed to having her around. I just need to remind myself I lived alone for 3 years, so I can manage 2 days without her. I am glad she's having fun with him.

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Ginger's operation on his prostate. It's been a rough recovery. He is still having bleeding. He still gets uncomfortable "down there." He hasn't driven a car yet.

I've seen him twice since the operation. The first time we just hung out, took a little walk, talked, kissed just a little. The 2nd time, a few days ago, he felt he wanted to try a little sexy time. We laid in his bed and made out, he did some nice things to me digitally and orally. I touched him a little but very gently. It was fun, and the cuddling when we let the sexy feeling die down was very good.

However, since then he's decided he should try more to not get aroused as he thinks he has more bleeding after an extended time being erect. That means, no visits from me, miss pixi or Carla. I miss him. This is difficult. I am managing sexually without him, miss pixi and I have sex, I can also take care of myself, but he misses the sex, and I wish I could at least cuddle him just for comfort and bonding. According to what he has researched, it could take many more weeks until he is healed enough for sexy time or actual intercourse. sigh...

I know he's still in the throes of NRE with Carla. Of course. They haven't even officially consummated yet. I find I really don't want to hear about her. I want to meet with her and David, along with Ginger, so I can find out if we can all get on the same page, but he's really not up to that challenge yet. So it's on hold, like everything else.

So, I feel uncomfortable still with him having this gf. I feel mostly OK with miss p being with her bf. Happy for her. Occasional twinges of jealousy and envy are fleeting. We have good sex, tons of cuddles, shared activities and words of love. But just the same, it's still difficult being with 2 partners who are in NRE with their new people!

I've stopped going to OK Cupid again. I had a few nibbles there, but nothing came of it, partly because men can suck, and partly because my heart just isn't in it right now.

Ginger and I IM chat a lot. He is able to do some work around his place, starting to get the screen porch back up on his little cabin, wiring up some outdoor lights to light the way from the main house and driveway up to his cabin. He can go shopping with his wife if she drives. He takes lots of walks on his land which can help him feel more comfortable in the surgery area.

I've been gardening a lot. Last year was spent getting the interior of our new place set up, and we did minimal gardening. This spring it's all about planting flowers! Fun! We also put 2 tomato plants on our deck.

If Ginger wasn't Aspie and being tactful came to him more naturally, this would be easier. Sometimes he just blurts things out about her in a way that results in me feeling down. I don't think he can change that. I have to learn to anticipate those times so I can just let it roll off my back.
 
Hi Mags,

It sounds like you are dealing better with things now? Hope so. I've been meaning to post for a while but haven't had time. I have a few more thoughts that I may add later.

Mostly I just wanted to say that my dad had the same operation as Ginger last year. It really cured some of the issues he'd been having. After the operation, he had some bleeding for a while (maybe a full month?) and got better slowly. But overall, the operation was a really good thing for him.

Best wishes!
 
Hi Mags,

It sounds like you are dealing better with things now? Hope so. I've been meaning to post for a while but haven't had time. I have a few more thoughts that I may add later.

Thanks, Meera. Yes, things are better around here, despite yet another (minor) flood. The shower diverter had gone bad and water was leaking from there down into our newly carpeted basement. But a plumber fixed it. No damage to the new carpet, just some warping on one of the laundry room cabinets.

My back has been mostly behaving. It did go slightly out last week, but I now have a manoeuvre the osteo taught me that pops my hip back into the right place.

My newly married daughter still seems to be on an even keel.

So, the only real problem right now is waiting for Ginger's bits to heal. And adjusting to him having Carla in his life.

Mostly I just wanted to say that my dad had the same operation as Ginger last year. It really cured some of the issues he'd been having. After the operation, he had some bleeding for a while (maybe a full month?) and got better slowly. But overall, the operation was a really good thing for him.

Best wishes!

Thanks! That is great to hear!
 
It's been almost 2 weeks since I updated.

I was alone last night. Miss Pixi went to see her Master for an overnight, leaving at 3pm yesterday. Ginger finally felt well enough to attempt a drive, so he went to kirtan. He messaged me when he got home and again this morning, saying he did well with the drive and the singing and socializing.

I didn't do so great last night. Just felt lonely and depressed. My life has seemed kind of empty in some ways lately. Things with miss pixi are great. Otherwise, no one called me to do childcare in a month, so I took a hit financially and also missed the kids of the 3 families I work for. Also, miss p and I need to save money and so I havent been able to go poking around in thrift stores. Then, of course, Ginger being post op has been rough.

But things will turn around. I did do childcare 2 days ago, and am booked to work next week and the week after as well. Ginger is healing and soon will be ready for sex and other activities. I just need to keep being careful with our finances. We are saving for summer vacation trips.

But ugh, after a break for surgery and recovery, Ginger will be resuming with Carla. He saw her last night at kirtan, but they acted "restrained." She's not out as poly, of course. He also told me she told him she had a "cold sore" earlier in the week, her first outbreak in 10 years. Oh great.

They are scheduled for a one on one date on Thurs or Friday this week. I am just assuming it will be time for intercourse.

They had only seen each other once since the surgery, until last night. I however, have seen him 4 times, twice I went to visit him at his place, once he made the drive over here (with resulting discomfort), and once, miss p and I took him to a followup dr visit at the hospital, and he took us out for lunch afterwards to thank us for the ride. We have had some limited sexy time, with mixed results.

As I have said, I am trying so hard to come to accept Ginger needing/wanting/having so many intimate relationships in his life. As it is, now, I do not understand it, and have not accepted it. Since I don't, I feel like a large chunk of Ginger is cut off from me now. It was different our first year. Now it feels like I need to pull back and treat him more as a casual lover/friend than a real partner. And that sucks. It feels like a DADT thing, and I miss the closeness, joy and ease we used to have. I don't know what to do. I just can't feel compersion for him and Carla.

It was hard to do self care last night. I was just so sad and lonely. I wasn't able to just enjoy my own company. I couldnt fall asleep til 2AM, and woke at 6... so tired now, but I tried to nap and it didn't work. Guess I'll go mow the lawn.
 
Sending hugs your way. There is no rule that says you have to feel compersion for someone. Anyone who says you absolutely must is full of shit, and it does not make you any less poly, if you do not. Sometimes it is just not possible and forcing it will not make it come. That is like having bad sex and forcing yourself to fake an orgasm to make your partner think they did something spectacular. The key might be to change the shape of your relationship to that of a more casual arrangement or secondary. He is in NRE, and can you really endure this for the next 12-18 months? If anything, the disconnect will grow and cause even more distance and strain.

It seems like this current arrangement is hurting you, and that alone is unhealthy because it is not getting any better. As we all know, relationships ebb and flow. Your relationship with Ginger could be transitioning from the shape that it has been to a different one. I am all for discovering the new normal. Is this what people call growing pains? You have to take care of yourself. I am not going to offer that godawful advice of getting another partner because at this point it would be just filling a void. I do hope it gets better for you,
 
Thanks for the support, FoL.

I haven't updated in over 2 weeks. Things are still kinda crazy with Ginger. He is still healing from the prostate operation. Things are improving oh so slowly. I hope in another month or two he will be back to full operations.

I tried to establish a deal where he only told me the basics about developments with Carla, but that leads to me feeling distant from him.

Last Saturday night I had to work. Ginger had invited me to an outdoor drum/dance in a different town about 45 mins away, but I wasn't free. However, he really wanted to go out, and was considering driving himself there. However, his wife told him it would surely be bad for his healing to attempt 1 1/2 hrs of driving. So he posted on the event page on FB, looking for a ride. An hour before I had to leave for work, he told me this, and said Carla and David were going to drive him to it!

I don't think they were planning on going but once they found out Ginger was free, lo and behold, so were they.

So. He told me he "didn't expect sex." And I thought, surely not, since David would be there in between Carla and Ginger.

Well, I got home from work around 10:30 and sat up til 1AM to see if Ginger would check in with his usual "good night." He didn't. I went to bed. At 5AM I got up to pee, checked my lappie and he'd said good night at 2:15. Immediately I perceived the truth, he'd had a 3some with the both of them...

I couldn't get back to sleep after that. At 6AM Ginger came on (so we'd both had only 4 hrs of sleep) and confessed that yes, he had them come to his cabin and they'd had a 3some. Both men are bi but this was the first actual MM experience for both.

So, now Ginger is in a relationship with David as well as Carla!

I felt so overwhelmed. Quite depressed. Really couldn't take yet one more partner for Ginger. That makes 6 new people in 12 months.

So. Sunday I had him come over and we talked it out. miss pixi had spent the night at her Master's. Ginger went and picked her up from the train partway through, so she heard about the latest development.

He was here about 3 hrs. He tried to get touchy feely kissy kissy and I was in no mood for that. After he left I had a hysterical screamingcrying fit. Then a nap. And I was then depressed for a couple more days. I didn't want to talk to him much. I wasn't much of a partner for miss pixi. Tuesday night he begged to come over. He was ready for sex right away but I sure wasn't. We talked for about 3 hours and finally cleared the air. I am giving up on the DADT thing. It just makes me feel distant and suspicious. I would rather know the truth, how close he is getting to both of them, etc.

All this is compounded by him being Aspie. And when he is upset he gets more Aspie. It takes a lot of talking to see each others' POV. But somehow that night, we managed. After 3 hrs of talking in my bedroom, we went out to the kitchen, and I ate dinner with miss pixi (she saw we were busy so just ordered us some pizzas). Ginger stood by as we ate, and after eating I felt better and we had some good sex.

The next morning (yesterday) he wanted me again, and so I went over to his place for a couple hours. When I got home miss pixi also wanted sex.

Then in the evening I met YouAreHere at a local restaurant for dinner! That was great, to meet in person, share all kinds of things about our families and lives.

Then before bed, miss p and I had sex again. Yikes, I think I finally had enough to last me a day or so. lol

So, yesterday afternoon, Ginger told me David is coming to his place between work and going home! I guess Ginger's place is a halfway point between David's work and home. Well. Knowing Ginger, there will be sex. This will be the first ever one on one mano a mano sex for both of them.
 
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Well, that was a long post. One more thing... I finally figured out how to categorize Carla-- she's a diva.

The woman has three kids, 3, 5 and 8. The two elder ones are in school. She is a full time SAHM. Her mom lives nearby and seems able to sit the kids pretty much any time, any day, or overnight. David is also very willing to be with the kids anytime he is home, so she can go out whenever she wants in the evenings. She goes to kirtan once or twice a week, drum dances whenever she wants, and Latin dancing lessons. Now she's got a 2nd man to love her up as well. The woman has the life, I tell you.

Ginger told me David loves to "serve" her. I see it as almost like a D/s relationship, without actually being one. Ginger admits he's being nice to David so David will trust him more with Carla, but now the two men are starting a relationship of their own!

It's all quite a big fucking deal.

I was feeling sidelined. But after our talks, I feel reassured, for now at least, of Ginger's continued devotion to me. I feel like I do put a damper on his dating, and so at one point I said, maybe you'd be better off without me. He replied, If you left, my life would totally fall apart.

Which was good to hear. He's not great with giving me those kinds of reassurances.
 
I'm glad the talks went well - here's hoping that trend continues, regardless of the Carla/David stuff.

And yay for good wine, good food, good conversation, and great company! :D
 
It was fun time, but so crowded! Our poor waitress. Well, at least the noise level was high so our talks of poly and all that that entails was drowned out by everyone's chatter!

miss p is going away to camp on Saturday. I will be here alone with the dog for a week. Ginger and I are making plans to visit some local lakes he knows about, for swimming. Swimming really calms me down, so that is good.
 
I feel like I do put a damper on his dating, and so at one point I said, maybe you'd be better off without me. He replied, If you left, my life would totally fall apart.

This is the sense I've had about Ginger - that because he has you and counts on your love and for certain of his needs being met, he feels stable and confident enough to seek out others. If he didn't have such fulfilling and satisfying relationships with you and his wife, with whom there is a reliable "home base" of love and security, he probably wouldn't be as adventurous to pursue things with other people. You give him what he needs to truly feel okay being himself - and he's poly.

It's a compliment to what you give him, but ironic, ain't it?
 
David came to him for a first one on one on Thursday. Now I just get home from driving miss pixi to NH and various errands to have him tell me both of them are coming over tonight! Raging love affair.
 
Things got so crazy with Ginger and his NRE for Carla and David, I started another thread for help. So, latest updates are over there. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70559

I posted about going to the 4th of July party with him, and them being there, and Carla avoiding Ginger out of respect for me and fear of being overly demonstrative, them not being out, etc.

I didn't mention, in the week before the party, miss pixi was away at camp. Meanwhile Ginger had told his lovers he wanted to take a week off from sexual intimacy with them. I came to find out tho, that week was Carla's week for PMS and her period anyway. So him asking for time off was kind of redundant.

Anyway, he and I had a mostly good week, and a couple days were extra good, and one 20 hour period was actually great. On July 3rd we watched a movie (I wanted him to see Big Lebowski, because of his own Dude-like qualities), watched fireworks, both on my big screen, then it was thunderstorming and we watched it together, lots of sex and laughs and fun. He spent two nights with me that week and we saw each other for part of pretty much every day.

On both overnights, he was having so much fun, he exclaimed, "We need to do this more often!"

Whereas I'd been missing more actual time spent together, grieving the lost time, he wasn't aware of what we'd lost until we actually made some extended time together happen.

So, all that was good. Fun and bonding. Then the party happened and things kinda went to shit again!

A couple days ago Carla messaged me on FB. She was reaching out. She was asking me about my problems with them dating Ginger, and whether there was anything she could do to make things easier. We talked back and forth about our backgrounds in poly, my expectations for my relationship with Ginger. She said her husband "adores" Ginger and I reckon she does too. As far as I know, from what she said, what Ginger has said, they are all coming just this close to coming out and saying I love you to each other.

So, it was nice of her to reach out. We 4 are getting together in 2 days for the long awaited pow wow. So our IMing was some good preliminary work.

Sometimes it all just feels like work. SO much work. So many issues, so many emotions, so many awkward conversations. It's like, I've been given these people, these hot and sexy and horny poly noobs, as family. Whether I want it or not. And to keep Ginger, I have to work around their couples' issues (David's jealous request for no one on ones for Carla and Ginger, their non-outness, their need for spontaneous nearly last minute dates, Carla's fucking menstrual cycle for godssakes!). It's exhausting and maddening.

And meanwhile Ginger's genitourinary tract issues (even as the prostate heals, he has continued pain on his right side and back from complex cysts on his right kidney that will need to be aspirated) just makes everything that much harder.

Now Ginger is planning a drum dance on his land. He generally has one once a year in late summer or early fall. In fact, at last year's in October, I recall seeing Carla for the first time and read in her body language her new found crush on him. This year, of course he wants to invite all 3 of us. But I reminded him I have avoided 2 months of drum/kirtan, and the one I finally went to last Sat, at the party, did not go well. So I said, if he invites them I will probably stay away. Of course, he hadn't thought this far ahead, despite mowing his parking field this past week in anticipation for the party.

So, he got all sad, and said if I wasn't coming, he didn't want to have it. Finally he said, if I left early, he could have them come late. We could be staggered. (But what if I don't want to leave early?)

Also we talked about how much PDAs I would be comfortable with Carla showing in front of me. She is a touchy feely person in general and has a habit of touching even her platonic friends a lot, in dance, huge long lasting hugs, massages, even sitting on people's laps or spontaneous cuddle puddles.
 
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I remember 2 months or more ago, at a drum dance, Carla had her long lustrous dark hair in a high ponytail, and was swinging it around purposely, as part of the dance, and Ginger started swinging his long locks, and she took off her hairband and swept up his hair and bound it so he could swing it.

That was before they were a couple.

And shit, I'm a loosey goosey hippie chick, but I thought, that is really getting all up in his personal space. He loved it of course. Swung his damn hair so hard he forgot about his glasses and they went flying off.

So, that is how she is with platonic friends. miss pixi says she gets up up in ppl's business because she wants more sex partners, so does that kind of thing to see who responds.
 
Oops, I wrote this last night but forgot to hit send:

A week ago Carla gave me dates that she and David would be free to see Ginger. July 11, 14 an 16.

I said ok, and can one of those days be used for all 4 of us (5 actually, because miss p wants to be there) to get together and pow wow? She said sure, she'd love that.

And then despite claiming those dates, she then made plans for her and David to get together with Ginger TODAY. Which he agreed to. Which, I did get that request 2 days ago, so technically it was within the 2 day window I'd asked for as a general rule... but jeez. Give em an inch they take a mile.

So, Ginger saw them today, for a public date at local lake beach, midday for a picnic. I was not "allowed" to ask about it or talk about it this afternoon or evening as we have made a boundary for him to be able to "savor his good time" for 24 hrs after a date.

They were supposed to "talk." Hence the public date.
 
I remember 2 months or more ago, at a drum dance, Carla had her long lustrous dark hair in a high ponytail, and was swinging it around purposely, as part of the dance, and Ginger started swinging his long locks, and she took off her hairband and swept up his hair and bound it so he could swing it.

. . . He loved it of course. Swung his damn hair so hard he forgot about his glasses and they went flying off.

So, that is how she is with platonic friends. miss pixi says she gets up up in ppl's business because she wants more sex partners, so does that kind of thing to see who responds.
TBH, that sounds like a playful, spontaneous way to meet and get to know someone. I could see myself doing that - it sounds like they had fun. If I'd told you I went to an event like that and did the same thing with a man I'd met there, I have a sneaking suspicion you would have given me some kind of "atta girl" cheering on. But I realize this is Ginger we're talking about, so she was all up in his business, invading his personal space. She must be evil, lending him her scrunchie.

A week ago Carla gave me dates that she and David would be free to see Ginger . . . I said ok . . . then despite claiming those dates, she then made plans for her and David to get together with Ginger TODAY. Which he agreed to. Which, I did get that request 2 days ago, so technically it was within the 2 day window I'd asked for as a general rule... but jeez. Give em an inch they take a mile.

Mags, you know I regard you as a friend and we've shared a lot, so I hope you won't hate me for saying this, but I think you are losing your mind a little over this. Is a "mile" with Ginger truly yours to give? Have you now put yourself in the position of approving his calendar? Does his wife even do that? Does everyone agreeing to give you a heads-up a few days in advance acctually mean Ginger is no longer free to be spontaneous and that he is not allowed to spend his time as he wants?

Your metamours don't have to be your enemies just because you were there before they were. I truly hope this situation stops being so intensely uncomfortable for you. I've been thinking about you quite a lot.
 
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She didnt "lend him her scrunchie." She took it off her hair and put it into his hair herself. Flirtatious indeed. Go for it girlfriend. Even though his established gf is standing right there. Whatever. He's poly, anything goes.

So, he came over last night. After some terrible "sex" because of his pain, we went out to the living room to talk. I ended up realizing there is so much jealousy and angst between Ginger/Carla/Doug, I really didn't want to see them tonight. I don't want to be in the middle, I don't want to be "supportive" or "give advice" anymore.

Yesterday morning I shared some of the anxiety advice I read here, from LR, which I found very helpful, with Ginger, and he asked me to share it with David. So I gave G permission to share it with David. I also sent all 3 the "Are you in poly hell?" link.

Now I am done "helping." I am almost done caring or feeling anxious. I am just kind of sad. And bored.
 
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David lies on the far side of bed, beside his wife and male lover, watching with jealousy as Carla and Ginger gaze into each others' eyes, wrapped in each others' arms, whispering sweet nothings. David just wants to get to the sex. But now Ginger is not managing to do sex very well. So there's more romance, what they call "connection" going on between Ginger and Carla, than sex. And they are basically fine with that. But D isn't. And so there he lies, watching. Waiting. And suffering.

And when Ginger described this scene last night, I said, "Ach, it's all so complicated! All that."

And he chuckles benignly and said, "I like complicated."

And I said, "Well, I don't."

And so, I am losing respect for him, the way they are going on with this really really awkward triad. It kinda makes me sick. It's like, to Ginger, we, his lovers, are one big science experiment, mechanical moving parts, and he pushes a button here, moves a lever there, and then collects his data, changes his hypothesis, logs it into his flow chart, and moves on to the next day of experimenting.

He must be getting off on having 3 lovers vying for his attention. miss pixi first suggested that to me. It makes sense, and my sister concurs also.

Cindie, I don't see my metamours as my enemies. I've been around poly long enough to not think that way. I do feel they are my competitors. There is much more about this situation than I have shared here. Some of it is just too private. So, try not to judge, as I can't share the whole story. It wouldn't be ethical.

Ginger is going to the regular monthly drumming tomorrow night. I asked him to come here afterward and spend the night. Not just because if I didn't, there was a good chance he'd have them back to his place afterwards. Because I am sure they will be there. But because I am trying very hard to keep some sort of healthy connection going between Ginger and me. If I want to spend more time, I need to ask for it. miss pixi will be at her Dom's place for the night. Next week she and I are going away for a week.

I am working 4-8 tomorrow night. Ginger can get here anytime after I return. I expect a trying time with him, because of his pain. He has a MRI to investigate his kidney scheduled for next week. God knows how long he needs to wait for another surgery.

And so it goes.

I was going to have them come here tonight. But I cancelled this morning. I don't want to be in the midst of this dynamic. Let them work it out. I don't even want to sit around trying to make "vanilla" chit chat, and "get to know them better" at this point. I don't see the point.
 
I don't have any advice or words of wisdom. I just wanted to tell you that I've been reading your posts, and thinking about you. It sucks that things are rough right now, and I hope your situation gets better.
 
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