A while ago I wrote about playing with a friend / starting a fwb relationship and not being somewhat afraid of falling in love. Well, that didn't quite happen, at least on my side - I find the biggest part of me only wants to see him say once every two weeks for a scene and then perhaps a follow up date the day after, but not much more involved then that. He however is more romantically inclined, wanting to stay in daily touch, trying to win me over with little gifts etc. While a part of me likes that attention a lot, I feel a need to reciprocate, and then I don't feel free anymore in the relationship.
I also really care for him in the sense of wanting the best for him. I think it comes together with taking on the responsibility of being dominant in the relationship (I do want to lead him in the areas where I'm more experienced), but for some reason this causes me a different kind of trouble with saying "no" then I'm used to. He's doing his best not to be pushy, but his wishes are extremely obvious.
As for the poly part, the boys have done an incredible amount of work in a short time to understand their issues and get along. But that's just a side-note for now.
What I'm really trying to understand now is this preferring of different levels of involvement. I have a part in me that's angry about having to spend more energy then expected, and wanting to break up. It would be relatively easy now, as we've only been involved for 2 months or so and I was abroad for the last 2 weeks on top of that. Then there's another part that really enjoys having another relationship, getting the attention, and getting to lead. And a third which is just afraid of the relationship getting out of hand. I don't want it to be a long-term committed thing. But if he does, what do I do now? And, how do you people deal with the need to reciprocate when someone gives you something, when you feel it but in fact don't want to get more involved?
I also really care for him in the sense of wanting the best for him. I think it comes together with taking on the responsibility of being dominant in the relationship (I do want to lead him in the areas where I'm more experienced), but for some reason this causes me a different kind of trouble with saying "no" then I'm used to. He's doing his best not to be pushy, but his wishes are extremely obvious.
As for the poly part, the boys have done an incredible amount of work in a short time to understand their issues and get along. But that's just a side-note for now.
What I'm really trying to understand now is this preferring of different levels of involvement. I have a part in me that's angry about having to spend more energy then expected, and wanting to break up. It would be relatively easy now, as we've only been involved for 2 months or so and I was abroad for the last 2 weeks on top of that. Then there's another part that really enjoys having another relationship, getting the attention, and getting to lead. And a third which is just afraid of the relationship getting out of hand. I don't want it to be a long-term committed thing. But if he does, what do I do now? And, how do you people deal with the need to reciprocate when someone gives you something, when you feel it but in fact don't want to get more involved?