Miserable, Doing it wrong. No idea what to do next

Oh wow, I remember this highly emotionally laden thread! Remnant posted 48 times in 8 days, and then...... just stopped. I wonder what happened to him and his big problems.
 
heyhey!

I took a step back because some of the negativity from some of the responses was actively unhelpful. Then I got............ busy.

Currently, we're all cohabitating. My wife, my girlfriend, her husband (who is now also my wife's boyfriend) and our 6 children.

In general.......... It's working pretty well and I'm as happy as I can remember being. There are still issues of course (any relationship has them), but things are going well, and it's been about 6 months under 1 roof.
 
heyhey!

I took a step back because some of the negativity from some of the responses was actively unhelpful. Then I got............ busy.

Currently, we're all cohabitating. My wife, my girlfriend, her husband (who is now also my wife's boyfriend) and our 6 children.

In general.......... It's working pretty well and I'm as happy as I can remember being. There are still issues of course (any relationship has them), but things are going well, and it's been about 6 months under 1 roof.

Wow, Remnant, thanks for responding so quickly! I sure didn't except to hear that solution. I wonder how you worked it all out? And what the issues are (but don't tell us any more unless you really want to).
 
Time mostly :)
A period of time with very limited contact with girlfriend, which then caused a period of shared time where I had some time just with GF and some time with both women concurrently. Things then grew somewhat quickly, and about September last year we ended up spending 4-5 nights all together, and moving in just seemed logical.

Issues are not major, generally someone doing something stupid and/or someone overreacting. With 4 adults in the relationship things tend to get sorted out reasonably quickly. The main ongoing stressor is lack of space, we're in the process of investigating extending our house, or moving and buying a bigger one.
 
Glad to hear things are going better for you guys.
 
We are in similar situation..

Okay, deep breath.

I've tried typing this three times now, and I'm not getting anywhere. There is too much.

I will attempt to sum up.

I've been married for 16 years, monogamously. Over the last 10 or so years I've become more interested in Poly as a concept. Recently I've met someone, and fallen in love. My feelings are reciprocated. We have had a brief emotional (NOT physical) affair.

I am still in love with my wife. My wife is aware of the situation, and unhappy about it. We've gone backwards and forwards several times. I have declared that I'm not willing to end the relationship with this new woman, I don't wish to leave my wife, but I understand if she is not willing to be with me.

Initially we instigated a large set of relatively arbitrary rules around what was and wasn't acceptable, to give my wife time to.... adjust and accept.

This (unsurprisingly) did not work well, and after a particular meltdown with my wife, where I felt she was crippling my new relationship and she felt I was more concerned over that relationship than my existing one we reached a new compromise, whereby I acknowledged that my actions had destroyed our monogamous relationship, and from this point I would start a new non-monogamous relationship with my wife, and concurrently with this new woman, and that neither of the women I was in love with were permitted to limit or constrain my other relationship.

This continued for a short while with my wife becoming progressively less happy until it became obvious to my new partner that I was not coping with the stress.

She has temporarily separated from me in order to allow time for my existing relationship to become strong enough and stable enough for her presence.

Currently I am miserable, missing her more with every day. She is miserable, and deeply regrets leaving me even temporarily. I don't know HOW to work on marriage or make it "strong enough". My wife feels that even though she's "left", she still here in every way that matters.

My wife believes that over time, we can heal, she can adjust, and I will be able to have a relationship with this woman when we are......... stronger.

I have no idea what to do. I'm struggling to make it through each day.

There is so much I've missed above, or glossed over. And it's still a small novel.

I............ don't know what to do, other than trying to make it through until morning. Everyday.

Thoughts?


Dear friend, I am also having almost similar situation. We are on same board....
 
Happy happy

heyhey!

I took a step back because some of the negativity from some of the responses was actively unhelpful. Then I got............ busy.

Currently, we're all cohabitating. My wife, my girlfriend, her husband (who is now also my wife's boyfriend) and our 6 children.

In general.......... It's working pretty well and I'm as happy as I can remember being. There are still issues of course (any relationship has them), but things are going well, and it's been about 6 months under 1 roof.


I am feeling so happy for you. That dream should come to me asap.
 
WHAT! This was the most shocking update I have ever read on this forum.

I would never have predicted, in a million years, that Remnant and his wife would now be living in a polyamorous foursome with the GF & her husband, all in the same house and with their 6 total kids.

I guess this is a happy ending?

But I can't imagine how the introvert wife could be happy with so many people in a house...I hope she isn't just accepting the situation out of necessity...

When I was reading through this thread, I was flabbergasted that Remnant at first didn't mention his kids at all, then said he and his wife had 3 kids at home, then later said it's actually 4 kids (the eldest away at boarding school).

Like, there is a big difference trying to convince a monogamous wife to go poly if there are no kids involved vs if there are kids. And 4 kids seems way more stressful than 3.

Your wife is a saint for forgiving you, Remnant.
 
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