Okay, deep breath.
I've tried typing this three times now, and I'm not getting anywhere. There is too much.
I will attempt to sum up.
I've been married for 16 years, monogamously. Over the last 10 or so years I've become more interested in Poly as a concept. Recently I've met someone, and fallen in love. My feelings are reciprocated. We have had a brief emotional (NOT physical) affair.
I am still in love with my wife. My wife is aware of the situation, and unhappy about it. We've gone backwards and forwards several times. I have declared that I'm not willing to end the relationship with this new woman, I don't wish to leave my wife, but I understand if she is not willing to be with me.
Initially we instigated a large set of relatively arbitrary rules around what was and wasn't acceptable, to give my wife time to.... adjust and accept.
This (unsurprisingly) did not work well, and after a particular meltdown with my wife, where I felt she was crippling my new relationship and she felt I was more concerned over that relationship than my existing one we reached a new compromise, whereby I acknowledged that my actions had destroyed our monogamous relationship, and from this point I would start a new non-monogamous relationship with my wife, and concurrently with this new woman, and that neither of the women I was in love with were permitted to limit or constrain my other relationship.
This continued for a short while with my wife becoming progressively less happy until it became obvious to my new partner that I was not coping with the stress.
She has temporarily separated from me in order to allow time for my existing relationship to become strong enough and stable enough for her presence.
Currently I am miserable, missing her more with every day. She is miserable, and deeply regrets leaving me even temporarily. I don't know HOW to work on marriage or make it "strong enough". My wife feels that even though she's "left", she still here in every way that matters.
My wife believes that over time, we can heal, she can adjust, and I will be able to have a relationship with this woman when we are......... stronger.
I have no idea what to do. I'm struggling to make it through each day.
There is so much I've missed above, or glossed over. And it's still a small novel.
I............ don't know what to do, other than trying to make it through until morning. Everyday.
Thoughts?