JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
... On the bit about not dating other people, the reason I wont ask him is he is seeing no one besides me, so its not fair to be working on relationship with my spouse and tellin him to have no one else. But yes, it would reduce my stress greatly.
It really is ok to ask for something...as long as it is ok if the answer is "no" (if "no" is not an acceptable answer then you are not asking...you are demanding.)
A few months after Dude starting dating Lotus, and after I became involved with her as well (independently) she expressed a preference/made a request that we "close" to new partners while we were learning how to be with each other...so as not to add the stress of NRE/new relationships to our already complicated dynamic. Dude and I agreed that that would be wise/acceptable...to be re-evaluated at a future date.
No such requests were made of MrS and TT - the "ends" of the W...Lotus and I agreed that it would be unfair to ask that of them as they, at that time, were only involved with their spouses - also that they are such "slow" movers that we didn't feel that asking them to restrict anything about their interactions would be fair,
So, the three of us (Dude, Lotus, me) have been "closed" (to NEW partners - standing relationships or new interactions within our W being exempt) for the time being. During this "closed" time - Lotus and MrS have been slowly figuring out there own "thing" and TT and I have established our own metamour/FB relationship. I think that we are approaching the point where where we have to discuss the "closed" aspect again. Not for myself or her but I think Dude would feel better allowing the possibility of new interactions, should they arise. (He has a higher sex drive than the rest of us combined - but has an aversion to NSA sex).
Due to an unfortunate, sad, untimely and unexpected trauma in the life of Lotus and TT, this is not the time to discuss it...but it is going to happen soon. There are a few people on Lotus's "messy people" list that, I think, are reasonable to exclude (although Dude may disagree...which is his right). One of the great things about our paramour/metamour/what-ever-amour dynamic is that every single person genuinely cares about the feelings of everyone else...and is able to disagree without being confrontational/dismissive. God...that feels good. I love being involved, to whatever degree, with such honest and empathetic individuals.
More info = more better. If delivered with compassion, even a controvertial opinion can be heard...
JaneQ