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Old 12-08-2017, 03:52 AM
LoveQuest LoveQuest is offline
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 54
Arrow Ideas, not feelings...

Originally Posted by anamikanon View Post
Hey LoveQuest, what do you think of my understanding of people? Not bad, eh?

This board is mostly about sharing experiences and asking for help. But I don't have things going on right now, so all I can share are desires and feelings. The responses then help me to develop my ideas, especially when there is "productive criticism".

So answering your question, I have no idea if you understand people well or not, but I don't think you understood my goal when you said 'you describing your feelings in some way you hope we will "understand" (meaning "agree")'.

To begin with, feelings are not meant to be understood or agreed. Everyone has the right to feel whatever they feel. I'm glad that I feel free to do that and share them. Yet, because the reasons behind them are too complex, I'm not focused in justifying anything that I feel, and empathy is not what I'm seeking in this thread. Instead, I'm more focused on describing my ideas and views, so that I can develop them further. I certainly wish that my ideas are understood, but I won't wish them to be fully agreed. Where there is no mistake, there is nothing to improve.

Originally Posted by anamikanon View Post
You don't need more discussion, you need to consider the possibility that people saying things you don't want to hear aren't stupid and may have something useful for you.
I don't recall judging anyone here as stupid. Perhaps you have some example to provide. But in fact one reason I prefer to participate in English boards is because the responses are much more intelligent.

Originally Posted by anamikanon View Post
Arguing to convince us with various and changing descriptions is not going to actually add value to your life unless you find a way to use it. If you do only what you want to do, you are already doing it. You'll be where you are infinitely till something breaks.
It is true that an ideas that can't be used are useless.
My wife is still difficult so I have a bigger challenge on hands which sucks too much of my energy. I have given up on two difficult long term partners before, but we are doing progress here, that's why we are still together.

Once more progress is done towards improving that situation (such as her sense of safety), then it will be easier for us to have civil conversations and reach agreements.

My goal is not to bring her into the direction that I wish to follow, nor to follow that direction without her. My goal is to put both of us into the same page, and decide together which direction to follow, whatever it is. That's the way I see us, as a unit, and she shares this same view.

Once her disorder is not getting in the way, we'll be able to find some middle ground.
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control issues, love feelings repressed, mental illness

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