Hi, I'm new here, and not sure I'm in the right place, but I just feel so lost and frustrated.
Here's my story. I'm a mostly straight woman in my late 30s, married with two young kids. I have had a number of relationships over the years, and I'm ashamed to say that I cheated, many times, when I was younger. I don't excuse or forgive it, and I disliked myself for it even as I did it. I have learned as I have matured that I am not monogamous by nature (not that I think cheating is an acceptable form of non-monogamy - I absolutely do not) but for many years I didn't know that "non-monogamous" was a valid thing to be, and thought I just needed to suppress it and "behave" and just be "normal". So that is what I did. I married a wonderful man and we have wonderful sex and two wonderful children. But I don't feel wonderful.
Early in our relationship, I floated the idea of opening it up. He was open to talking about exploring things like threesomes and swingers clubs, but ultimately when the kids came, he wanted to "settle down", and we never did any of the things we talked about (which were the bare minimum of what I'd like).
Once my youngest was no longer a baby and I started to feel human again, I broached the idea again. This time more confidently, with a better understanding of who I am and what I want. It was met with a sorry, no. I continued to bring it up over the next couple of years, and after much reading, therapy (together and solo for me), unrealistic compromises, discussion, and honesty, we're still in the same place, and I just don't know how to cope with my feelings.
I love my husband, I love our family. I love the way we run our home and the way we co-parent, and we have a lot of fun together. I've chosen to stay and give up my desire for additional relationships and sexual freedoms. But even though I know he's the "normal" one, I have a hard time truly understanding his position. I genuinely don't see how us dating other people takes away from what we have together. People tell me that I'm selfish and unrealistic - that I want to have my cake and eat it, too. Well, yeah! I do! And I struggle constantly with what seems like an arbitrary limit we put on ourselves with the perception that we can't have a happy marriage *and* a boyfriend or two. But I have accepted that I can't have it all, and have chosen my marriage, but although I haven't and won't act on it, the longing just doesn't go away.
Here's my story. I'm a mostly straight woman in my late 30s, married with two young kids. I have had a number of relationships over the years, and I'm ashamed to say that I cheated, many times, when I was younger. I don't excuse or forgive it, and I disliked myself for it even as I did it. I have learned as I have matured that I am not monogamous by nature (not that I think cheating is an acceptable form of non-monogamy - I absolutely do not) but for many years I didn't know that "non-monogamous" was a valid thing to be, and thought I just needed to suppress it and "behave" and just be "normal". So that is what I did. I married a wonderful man and we have wonderful sex and two wonderful children. But I don't feel wonderful.
Early in our relationship, I floated the idea of opening it up. He was open to talking about exploring things like threesomes and swingers clubs, but ultimately when the kids came, he wanted to "settle down", and we never did any of the things we talked about (which were the bare minimum of what I'd like).
Once my youngest was no longer a baby and I started to feel human again, I broached the idea again. This time more confidently, with a better understanding of who I am and what I want. It was met with a sorry, no. I continued to bring it up over the next couple of years, and after much reading, therapy (together and solo for me), unrealistic compromises, discussion, and honesty, we're still in the same place, and I just don't know how to cope with my feelings.
I love my husband, I love our family. I love the way we run our home and the way we co-parent, and we have a lot of fun together. I've chosen to stay and give up my desire for additional relationships and sexual freedoms. But even though I know he's the "normal" one, I have a hard time truly understanding his position. I genuinely don't see how us dating other people takes away from what we have together. People tell me that I'm selfish and unrealistic - that I want to have my cake and eat it, too. Well, yeah! I do! And I struggle constantly with what seems like an arbitrary limit we put on ourselves with the perception that we can't have a happy marriage *and* a boyfriend or two. But I have accepted that I can't have it all, and have chosen my marriage, but although I haven't and won't act on it, the longing just doesn't go away.