Huge Problem likely Small Issue for your veterans, please help

You are actively seeking poor people BECAUSE of the persuasion your money will have on them?!? I suspected as much but the gall to come out and admit it is stunning.

Your GF isn't going to end up agreeing with you about your Harem Island fantasy because she changed her thinking. She'd be doing it out of fear of losing your income as a resource especially now that you've had a kid together. And you're okay with decimating people's psyches in that way. Sick.

It would be one thing to strive for Jubal's life in Stranger in a Strange Land and try to promote the ideals the familial group in that novel built but what you want isn't that.
 
But personally to me, it's more about Anarchy or living free, than enslavement. I want to give the gift of having the SOs enjoy total life freedom. If they want to get a job that's cool. But the gift is that they can enjoy being free with their time to do whatever they are greatest at.
Unless it's getting romantically involved (beyond sex) with another man, and then they are out. Doesn't sound terribly free to me, but maybe that's just me...

And I don't care whether you, your partner, all your neighbours, and all the local farm animals are in favour of you doing a threesome - it's still a very bad idea, given the current precarious nature of your relationship. Two days ago you posted that you and she had broken up (even if you were exaggerating a bit) and now you are going ahead with a threesome. Bad Idea, in my opinion. You came here looking for advice about your situation, and you are getting it.

OK, your concept of having the relationship with the Islanders/Caracoles definitely puts it in a different light than if you were looking to involve expats. You have a total population of, what, around 65k folks, most of whom are expats and transients, and are hoping to find enough natives in there that are within an acceptable age-range, female, unmarried, and poly.

I think you might need to revise your plan. :)
 
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...unless it's getting romantically involved (beyond sex) with another man, and then they are out. Doesn't sound terribly free to me, but maybe that's just me...
There will be a lot of "unless"-es, that's the point of a list of boundaries. However, like I mentioned before if it's a really together, cool guy, who can handle communication, feelings, others, and is basically a "poly guru" than it could be fine.

But allowing the girls the freedom to go find a guy with an attitude and a machete or worse into her life (99.9999% of the male population here)? Yeah, not that free. They can do that without me in their life. And we can agree to that before hand.
 
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You are actively seeking poor people BECAUSE of the persuasion your money will have on them?!? I suspected as much but the gall to come out and admit it is stunning.

Your GF isn't going to end up agreeing with you about your Harem Island fantasy because she changed her thinking. She'd be doing it out of fear of losing your income as a resource especially now that you've had a kid together. And you're okay with decimating people's psyches in that way. Sick.

It would be one thing to strive for Jubal's life in Stranger in a Strange Land and try to promote the ideals the familial group in that novel built but what you want isn't that.
I don't appreciate how you communicate. :rolleyes: I'm not going to give you my time/response unless you can do so more respectfully. :cool:
 
I don't appreciate how you communicate. :rolleyes: I'm not going to give you my time/response unless you can do so more respectfully. :cool:

I don't rely on your income to survive so I'm likely not as malleable as you'd like. And once again; this isn't Evan's Place. Its public. I don't care if I get your time or responses anymore than I care about getting a postcard from yesterday's bin bag contents.
 
I don't rely on your income to survive so I'm likely not as malleable as you'd like. And once again; this isn't Evan's Place. Its public. I don't care if I get your time or responses anymore than I care about getting a postcard from yesterday's bin bag contents.
If you're able to communicate your previous post (not this one, this one's fine) more respectfully, than I can directly answer you and your "you" comments. :rolleyes: If you don't need that, than by all means just spout your jaded opinions left and right. But don't expect something like that to be worth anything to anyone except yourself. :rolleyes: If you aren't sure how you were communicating was disrespectful :confused: I can let you know and give you the opportunity to re-frame. :cool:
 
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There will be a lot of "unless"-es, that's the point of a list of boundaries. However, like I mentioned before if it's a really together, cool guy, who can handle communication, feelings, others, and is basically a "poly guru" than it could be fine.

But allowing the girls the freedom to go find a guy with an attitude and a machete or worse into her life (99.9999% of the male population here)? Yeah, not that free. They can do that without me in their life. And we can agree to that before hand.
There is a huge gulf between the two.

Privilege is not only a position of superiority, but it should also be used as a position of responsibility. Based on what you have written, and what little I know of the island you are on, you are most definitely in a position of privilege there. I think that you have some other stuff that you need to work through in order to make this work in any sustainable, moral way.

I'll give you another scenario about focusing on the locals - the "girl" may well be willing and able to move in with you, but since her family is going to be living within a few miles of you, are you prepared to deal with them when they arrive at your doorstep with some massive concerns (possibly backed up with some associated hardware) about what you are doing with their daughter/sister? Expats would be far less of this sort of problem, since they tend to have less immediate local ties.

It's one thing to have the locals be maids, gardeners and cooks, quite another to be in a relationship with them.
 
I am actually talking about . . . finding locals who are . . . enamored by the idea of merging with a cultured westerner . . .

You being the "cultured westerner" who would save them from themselves? Did you really mean to say such a thing? If so, your views are clearly those of a supremacist, and elitist, which is rather disgusting. While you indeed may be from a different culture than the locals, do not for a moment believe that you are more cultured, as in, more advanced, more sophisticated, or superior in any way -- nor that any of the local islanders would want to be "merged" with you for any reason other than to take your money and laugh at you behind your back.
 
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nor that any of the local islanders would want to be "merged" with you for any reason other than to take your money and laugh at you behind your back.
This was one of the concerns that I raised wayyy back when. You may think that they are with you out of love, etc., but the imbalance of privilege is going to attract those that want a rich sugar-daddy to provide for them, buy nice things, until they find a real husband. It's just not going to be sustainable on that basis, as far as I can see, unless you have an ever-changing cast of characters, like the Playboy Mansion (I believe that you said that Hefner was one of your idols)

If Hefner polyamorous?
 
ADD NEW LIFESTYLE IDEAS TO THE MIX (for adding crazy pressure):
So then we started watching THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR, POLYAMORY (The Showtime Show), and reading about that lifestyle and I completely realized that was for me and that here on the island I could easily go so far as to setup a kind of den of girls if I wanted to. It'd be very easy down here to do that.

Does not sound like you're ready for poly either. It's more like using the term to your advantage to be able to sleep around with a "den" of women. Would you be understanding if your "wife" told you that she wanted a den of "men"?

Sorry for being so blunt!
 
There is a huge gulf between the two.
Sorry but I missed the context of what the two points with a gulf between them was? Let me know, sorry, mind is wandering today...
Privilege is not only a position of superiority, but it should also be used as a position of responsibility.
Absolutely. I love how you said that. Maybe doing what I'm thinking is new to me and I need to learn how to do it responsibly, but I am a responsible person and I am interested in learning how to do this responsibly. But that is probably an inescapable position of mine, that it's a dynamic of privilege. But I'm a person trying to remain humble despite that fact, and willing to learn how to work with that responsibly. You guys are making me feel like Hurley in Lost. lol. It's not a curse. :eek:
Based on what you have written, and what little I know of the island you are on, you are most definitely in a position of privilege there. I think that you have some other stuff that you need to work through in order to make this work in any sustainable, moral way.
Yeah and these are the kinds of discussions and reflections I need to be having with people, such as yourself. So I really appreciate bringing that up. Some things we can't see ourselves so easily.
I'll give you another scenario about focusing on the locals - the "girl" may well be willing and able to move in with you, but since her family is going to be living within a few miles of you (or less), are you prepared to deal with them when they arrive at your doorstep with some massive concerns (possibly backed up with some associated hardware)
lol
about what you are doing with their daughter/sister? Expats would be far less of this sort of problem, since they tend to have less immediate local ties.
Yes and in fact I can just make sure to clear everything with the entire family each time. I think that would be a good idea.

As far as Expats as an option, there are two reasons I don't like that. 1) I can honestly pidgeon hole the expats here as hippies, or societal rejects, or already happily married, mostly white people. And 2) I am not attracted to that kind of disheveled people, let alone whites. 3) I've explored what I like and I prefer Latinas (although not the hot-blooded ones). 4) I really like the idea of the Robin Hood dynamic. It makes me feel good considering my position.
It's one thing to have the locals be maids, gardeners and cooks, quite another to be in a relationship with them.
Hmm, not sure how to interpret that, but I know what you mean.
 
Sorry but I missed the context of what the two points with a gulf between them was?
What I was saying was that there is a huge gulf between "poly gurus" and mad-men with axes. There are some quite reasonable guys in there who probably can "get" poly quite well who might complement your living situation well. For example, when you have to go off-island for some function it might be good if you have a man around the house that you can trust to make sure that things run smoothly.

I'm not saying do it, just that you maybe should be open-minded to the possibility. It might also show that this is more about egalitarian relationship dynamics that about an ego-boost for yourself "look how many women I have in my thrall", which is the perception at least some on here have gained from what you have written.


Maybe doing what I'm thinking is new to me and I need to learn how to do it responsibly, but I am a responsible person and I am interested in learning how to do this responsibly.
OK, often you can learn from other experiences - do you have some good models of relationships from your life that you can base things on - folks who you have looked at and said to yourself "this is a Good Relationship"? How did those relationships look?

But that is probably an inescapable position of mine, that it's a dynamic of privilege. But I'm a person trying to remain humble despite that fact, and willing to learn how to work with that responsibly.
You can not escape your privilege. What you can do, though, is to learn about what it is and isn't and how to shape your life so that you don't abuse what you have.

Example - someone who is very wealthy (like Hefner) is going to tend to have fantastic-looking women around him. To anybody outside of it, it's fairly obvious that they are essentially gold-diggers, but he seems oblivious to it, thinking that they love him for his spirit - massive ego-boost. Essentially in a situation like that, his privilege is what is drawing them in, not his spirit. Learning to differentiate the two *from the inside* is very difficult, but I would suggest a vital skill.

The gold-diggers are going to try to limit the number of other women that are around - because while love may be infinite, money isn't and they don't really want to share this with others.

Setting yourself up from a position of privilege and being a sort of "charity" (what you call the "Robin Hood dynamic") in return for what appears to be a romantic relationship is problematic on many levels. Because you are getting something highly significant in return, not just doing it out of the goodness of your heart.

Yes and in fact I can just make sure to clear everything with the entire family each time. I think that would be a good idea.
And if they say "no f-ing way", which I suspect most of them will - what do you do then?
 
You being the "cultured westerner" who would save them from themselves? Did you really mean to say such a thing? If so, your views are clearly those of a supremacist, and elitist, which is rather disgusting.
OMG here we go again. You don't live here. I do. If you did, you would get what I'm talking about. I am not a racist, bigot, supremacist, elitist, or any of that. But if you are trying to tell me that a homeless orphaned boy on the street knows what an Andy Warhol is, you're really just projecting some emotions and not using your head.
 
This is priceless - watching evan try to explain himself and backpeddle and making himself look like a bigger [ad-hominem] with each successive reply.

Keep it coming.
 
OMG here we go again. You don't live here. I do. If you did, you would get what I'm talking about. I am not a racist, bigot, supremacist, elitist, or any of that. But if you are trying to tell me that a homeless orphaned boy on the street knows what an Andy Warhol is, you're really just projecting some emotions and not using your head.



So, are you saying that you want to sponsor local homeless orphan boys with art scholarships?

That would have to be the most noble thing you said since you arrived here.

Except you probably didn't mean it that way.
 
More fish in the sea.
If you had the ocean around you to select from, then yes, but you are on a small island, with a local native population who know each other probably quite well. Word will spread. I think that the actual number of candidates (as I stated earlier) is actually going to be very small. If you require the family (which may include extended family) to agree to this, I think that you are rapidly approaching zero viable people for you.
 
This is priceless - watching evan try to explain himself and backpeddle and making himself look like a bigger [ad-hominem] with each successive reply.
The same thing happened when I said I was probably the most mature man on the island. It did not mean that I think so highly of myself that I think I'm the most mature man in the world. Just that here, it's not difficult to take the title. Down here there are people that are wrecks of self-esteem being coupled with Latino "Machistas". It's a vortex of immaturity and ignorance. And having arrived I am a "prince among thieves" so to speak. I have the experience to be able to say so. Maybe that's arrogant, but I think someone was asking me and so that's why I had to say that. I was just being honest and open. I'm not going to not say something informative just because I can't readily figure out a more PC way to frame it in the worry that people will think less of me if I say it bluntly. If people want to hang me by my words, that's their own ignorance actually.
 
If you had the ocean around you to select from, then yes, but you are on a small island, with a local native population who know each other probably quite well. Word will spread. I think that the actual number of candidates (as I stated earlier) is actually going to be very small. If you require the family (which may include extended family) to agree to this, I think that you are rapidly approaching zero viable people for you.
I cede to your experience, but in my experience here, flirting with the chicks, forming friendships, meeting families, I believe they are a lot more willing to let their daughters have a boost in life than you seem to think. Maybe it's good timing, or the people I pick up on, but only time will tell. I will keep your perception in my pocket at all times though ;)
 
So, are you saying that you want to sponsor local homeless orphan boys with art scholarships?

That would have to be the most noble thing you said since you arrived here.

Except you probably didn't mean it that way.
That would be a different forum. Here we talk about love, sex, relationships, poly, etc. But I guess you could open a dialogue up on how Philanthropy compares to the concept of Compersion. If you even care to be serious on this forum. That might be worth discussing, instead of sarcastic cliffhangers.
 
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