Sorry but I missed the context of what the two points with a gulf between them was?
What I was saying was that there is a huge gulf between "poly gurus" and mad-men with axes. There are some quite reasonable guys in there who probably can "get" poly quite well who might complement your living situation well. For example, when you have to go off-island for some function it might be good if you have a man around the house that you can trust to make sure that things run smoothly.
I'm not saying do it, just that you maybe should be open-minded to the possibility. It might also show that this is more about egalitarian relationship dynamics that about an ego-boost for yourself "look how many women I have in my thrall", which is the perception at least some on here have gained from what you have written.
Maybe doing what I'm thinking is new to me and I need to learn how to do it responsibly, but I am a responsible person and I am interested in learning how to do this responsibly.
OK, often you can learn from other experiences - do you have some good models of relationships from your life that you can base things on - folks who you have looked at and said to yourself "this is a Good Relationship"? How did those relationships look?
But that is probably an inescapable position of mine, that it's a dynamic of privilege. But I'm a person trying to remain humble despite that fact, and willing to learn how to work with that responsibly.
You can not escape your privilege. What you can do, though, is to learn about what it is and isn't and how to shape your life so that you don't abuse what you have.
Example - someone who is very wealthy (like Hefner) is going to tend to have fantastic-looking women around him. To anybody outside of it, it's fairly obvious that they are essentially gold-diggers, but he seems oblivious to it, thinking that they love him for his spirit - massive ego-boost. Essentially in a situation like that, his privilege is what is drawing them in, not his spirit. Learning to differentiate the two *from the inside* is very difficult, but I would suggest a vital skill.
The gold-diggers are going to try to limit the number of other women that are around - because while love may be infinite, money isn't and they don't really want to share this with others.
Setting yourself up from a position of privilege and being a sort of "charity" (what you call the "Robin Hood dynamic") in return for what appears to be a romantic relationship is problematic on many levels. Because you are getting something highly significant in return, not just doing it out of the goodness of your heart.
Yes and in fact I can just make sure to clear everything with the entire family each time. I think that would be a good idea.
And if they say "no f-ing way", which I suspect most of them will - what do you do then?