Is thin the only sexy?

Smart people are sexy. Despite their shape or size. I have always thought that.

Smart's not enough to do it for me. I know plenty of smart people I wouldn't touch with somebody else's ten foot pole. But it is a key component.

So is generosity. Personal integrity is huge for me. So is confidence. Kindness and compassion. PASSION! Definitely passion! And not just sexual. I LOVE it when someone is really passionate for a cause, or a field of study, or an art form, or whatever turns them on. Makes for great conversations, which in turn may lead to deeper sharing and then, well . . . who knows!

There are physical components, too. I used to have a definite "type" that I was attracted to, but not anymore. I dropped that mindset like a hot rock when I met Fidelio, who is not at all my type but is exactly perfect for me. Now, it is strong healthy bodies that appeal to me, and I like 'em with some substance. I'm one of the Amazon women, and I don't want to worry about breaking a lover.

For me it's not one thing or another, it's the whole package. Oh yeah, and the package matters, too!
 
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So is generosity. Personal integrity is huge for me. So is confidence. Kindness and compassion. PASSION! Definitely passion! And not just sexual. I LOVE it when someone is really passionate for a cause, or a field of study, or an art form, or whatever turns them on. Makes for great conversations, which in turn may lead to deeper sharing and then, well . . . who knows!

Oh Yes! All this too! I think these are all important!

I think the Smart thing is just the initial at first glance thing I go to though, I like it when someone is smarter than I am because I love to learn. I try to make all my situations, relationships or otherwise, learning situations, because with out it I get bored really fast. You can actually learn from just about anything, regardless of how smart someone is, but knowing some one is smart from the get go, gives you a good idea what your in for....

I am not sure I explained that right. LOL. I may be into smart people, but I am not especially bright myself. Hahaha!
 
My metabolism is a wreck. I could be 150 which isn't bad because I am tall, but two years later I could be 200. Then two years later back to 150. I jump around like that constantly.
1) How tall? (My wife is 5'10" and I'm 6'4")
2) My metabolism is not quite as wonky. I have weighed in at around 170 most of my adult life.
3) I'm hoping to see a pic or two of you sometime in the future.
4) ? :p
 
An aspect of the wieght question I find interested is that it appears it's ok to publicly comment on people's weight when they are thin/skinny..

I'm tall and thin, maybe weigh 135 and would be perhaps 5'10. I constantly hear "oh, you're so thin", "geez, you're so skinny". These types of comments come from friends, business colleagues...people at the shops !!

But yet it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...

I don't actually like it when people comment on my weight, it seems rude...and it would not be ok to comment if someone is big, I'd never randomly comment on someone's size - big or small.
I'm sure people say it thinking it's a compliment of some sort...it just comes across as a random comment on my body size.
A strange dual standard a think...
 
An aspect of the wieght question I find interested is that it appears it's ok to publicly comment on people's weight when they are thin/skinny..

I'm tall and thin, maybe weigh 135 and would be perhaps 5'10. I constantly hear "oh, you're so thin", "geez, you're so skinny". These types of comments come from friends, business colleagues...people at the shops !!

But yet it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...

I don't actually like it when people comment on my weight, it seems rude...and it would not be ok to comment if someone is big, I'd never randomly comment on someone's size - big or small.
I'm sure people say it thinking it's a compliment of some sort...it just comes across as a random comment on my body size.
A strange dual standard a think...
I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I'm 6'4" and currently weigh in at 170. I have for most of my life....However, when my wife and I met, I was severely malnourished, and weighed about 140. I heard it all the time.

I try to gain weight, however, it just doesn't happen.





Also, when I cut weight down to 155 for a fight, my wife gets upset because she says I look sick. Then I get, from heavier people, "WOW! Like YOU need to loose weight!" in response to my eating light and trying to cut weight to make weight for a fight. :( It still hurts people.....
 
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. . . it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...

You might be shocked to know how often exactly this happens. It IS completely unacceptable, but it is a reality that some obese people face daily.

At least the ignorant comments to you are intended as a compliment for the most part.

In college I had a dear friend who struggled with a metabolic disorder. I forget the specifics, but she was obese. Not enormous, but definitely obese. She was also brilliant, charming, funny, energetic, hard-working, funny, loyal and very wise. She designed and made her own clothes because she hated the choices that were commerically available to her, and she was always neat as a pin and very well dressed.

She was well-loved and respected within our circle, but she dreaded going out in public, because it was not uncommon for some people to stare and comment. The stares at least were silent, but the comments! One time a half dozen of us made a supply run for a class project. At each stop, we split up the list and separated, to get the job done ASAP. In one of the stores, a strange female walked right up to my big friend and said, "No man is ever going to want you because you are so fat." Out of the blue. I saw it all and stood there dumbstruck, but another friend with us jumped right in from another aisle with, "Okay, she's fat. And you're ignorant, small-minded and ugly. She's working on her problem. What are you doing about yours?" The two of us went over to my big friend and we stood there looking at the woman until she went back to her own business. As we were leaving, one of the guys with us casually put his arm around our big friend and laid a righteous, passionate kiss on her. I was proud to be walking out the door with all of them. I just wish I had been as fast thinking as those two.
 
"Okay, she's fat. And you're ignorant, small-minded and ugly. She's working on her problem. What are you doing about yours?" The two of us went over to my big friend and we stood there looking at the woman until she went back to her own business. As we were leaving, one of the guys with us casually put his arm around our big friend and laid a righteous, passionate kiss on her. I was proud to be walking out the door with all of them. I just wish I had been as fast thinking as those two.


fast thinking is a great asset !

I know I probably would have just sat there shocked and disturbed, and would have come up with a thousand replies hours later. Good on them !

Stories like that are gold though, it gives one the opportunity to think about appropriate responses. I'm going to put some thought into how I may next reply to a comment on weight..
thanks :)
 
I appreciate it when fat people can say they are "fat" and it's not meant or perceived as an insult. Autumnal Tone has talked about this before.

Just saw this on rereading the thread....

Yeah, "fat" is merely a descriptive term, same as "pale," "brunette," "tall," or "short." The term indicates nothing more than that a person has enough adipose tissue to be noticeable.

I'm fat. That descriptor, however, tells you nothing of much use in most contexts. It would take a great many more descriptors to give you an inkling of my appearance and whether or not one would find me attractive.

A friend's daughter, upon meeting me, exclaimed "You're fat!" as if it were surprising. Her mother was mortified. I laughed and told the girl her grasp of the obvious was quite firm. Her mother and I were engaged in the dance of sorting out whether we wanted to date, so it was safe to say that the girl got a lesson that showed thin is not the only sexy.
 
A friend's daughter, upon meeting me, exclaimed "You're fat!" as if it were surprising. Her mother was mortified. I laughed and told the girl her grasp of the obvious was quite firm. Her mother and I were engaged in the dance of sorting out whether we wanted to date, so it was safe to say that the girl got a lesson that showed thin is not the only sexy.

My mother has often told me a story of how mortified she was when I, as a child pointed at a dwarf (sorry, is that word un PC nowadays ?...should I say short statued ?) and exclaimed loudly "look how short that man is !!"

She has often told that story...so I was well prepared when my son, at age 6 did exactly the same thing at the local shops. I simply replied - yes, he is short, and there's a reason behind that which we can discuss.

And the short statued man smiled at us.
 
I dream of getting back to my ideal weight for height range, for health reasons but also because in honesty, I feel more attractive at a thinner weight. There are definitely too thin people though out there, and weight is not the only factor in wanting to be in a relationship. If I'm in a conversation with two different people - one perfect appearance but nothing to say of any interest, and one much less ideal (but within the general range of my personal taste) but with wit and kindness I'll pick the person with IQ and EQ.
 
Sexy or attractive?

I know lots of sexy heavier girls. The eyes, attitude, smile - all there. But I'm not attracted to them, never have been. Conversly, I know lots of VERY "attractive" women that aren't sexy at all - the eyes, the smile, ESPECIALLY the attitude, just aren't there. And intelligence and personality are sexy completely independent of physical attributes.

I don't buy the "big girls are more adventurous" bit - I've been with many shapes and sizes, and inhibition or the lack thereof has little or nothing to do with size or shape.

I'm 6'1" and the heaviest I've been in my life was 177; I'm at 165 now. Spent my teens and half of my twenties at 130 and couldn't gain weight, period - I ate enough for 3 or 4 people at every sitting. Now I eat hardly anything and sit between 160 and 170.

So I'm going to be completely honest and break from most of the posts here - I like smaller girls. In fact, TINY girls, the smaller the better. I've dated maybe 10 women my whole life over 5'5". YES - there is such a thing as too thin; but you can be thin and healthy. In order from "biggest" to "smallest", the ladies in my life line up like this - Lana is 5'5" and 115 with full breasts and and looks like a supermodel. Violet is smaller still at 5'1"-ish and 100 lbs or so, with small breasts and a butt that qualifies as a genetic freak on a white girl, lol. Her figure changes a lot - since we've been together she's been everywhere from 90 to 130 ls. Loved it all, she wears curves well - but never got "thick" or "heavy". Adrian is TINY. 4'10" and 85 lbs with full C cups and I can't get enough of it. They are all in excellent physical condition, not sickly like some people seem to think all thin people are.

And +1 here for the comment about people telling you you're too thin being just as bad as saying you're fat. Grrr!

Some of our closest friends weigh over 1,000 lbs between them. And they have quite the poly life going on what with another couple playing with them and a regular GF, all plus-sized but not nearly as large as they are. And they get freaky as hell in the bedroom, though I'll admit the physics of it are a bit beyond me, lol.

Some say women who are thin "feel like you'll break them"; I counter because I like a woman I can "throw around", lol. Different strokes for different folks, as always.

I don't want to come off as mean or rude, but I'm not going to lie - I find obesity horribly unattractive. I don't look down on big folks, not at all! But when I hear people say a particularly large person is super hot or that they like that, I just shrug - it's not for me.
 
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Oh - about the comment earlier that got so many people's dander up. I see both sides of that coin; being heavy doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself!

BUT - I know plenty of people who got comfortable in a relationship and "let themselves go", caring less about their appearence and gaining weight, people who used to keep in excellent shape. And many of these people complain about their sex life diminishing, which is just inviting the comments from people without tact.

The dead givaway is when they become single again and drop the weight in a couple of months, buy new clothes, and start maintaining their appearance again. Tsk tsk.

Point being, it CAN be the case, it's just not ALWAYS the case.
 
It's kind of cool how we're all attracted to different types. I hear you HMA with finding people sexy without finding them attractive. Most people can be sexy, it comes more from a way that they hold themselves and the way they feel about themselves but out of all of them there are only a select few who I'm going to find attractive.
 
Some of the most "attractive" women in the world have zero sexiness in my opinion. Some people simply pump out sexual energy and regardless of what they look like you can't help but feel it. It's about energy and presence for me and it usually is not from women that are trying to be sexy...it's from women who are internally sexy. They are conduits to something primal that attracted mates before man became clouded by the ideals of advertising and fashion.
 
Well, thin is certainly NOT the only sexy !

An open smile, personal warmth, a sense of playfulness, a strong sense of confidence in who they are, a wicked sense of humour...

I think I'd almost be inclined to say those would be the things I notice upon meeting someone, rather than physical attributes...it's often sometime later that I discover I'm physically attracted to someone - but I think it's probably those personal attributes that allow a physical attraction to even occur..
 
I'm fat, and I've been actively working on respecting myself. It's been paying off. I find beauty all over the spectrum of shape and size, but fat men hold a special place in my heart. Embracing that fact has helped me feel better about myself, because if I'm so attracted to an aspect in someone else, I shouldn't deny it to myself. Confident, chubby sex is pretty fun. :cool:
 
I'm glad to see all the self confidence and open mindedness both in this thread and in many places out & about these days when it comes to positive self image and seeing beauty where the media tells you it isn't.

That said - I'd like to say that I'm starting to get annoyed with that pendulum's motion, lol. Not in this thread, but in general - being told your shallow because you're not attracted to somebody or to a body type, etc., is... Well, annoying isn't strong enough a word, lol.
 
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