Peace and joy and love

I've been feeling a bit like that too. I decided to chalk it up to post Christmas blues, nothing major to look forward to and the blah routine same old that is going on day after day. I'm so looking forward to our date Thursday. That makes such a difference to me; dinner, drinks and some good conversation. As well as some smooching ;)
 
I often wonder what attention I would get if I were single and poly. If I were available for more than just a heart connection. Unfortunately the no sex thing isn't that appealing and I won't find out who is attracted sexually/romantically because of that. Then again, if they are only attracted because it could go there, then I don't want them anyways. Really there aren't many that are thrilled just at the thought of hanging out with me. Ah well, its not that I complain, just that I notice.

You are an absolute joy to me derby, sex or no sex (sex is infrequent for us, in case you hadn't noticed...and I still want to hang out with you ;).
 
You are an absolute joy to me derby, sex or no sex (sex is infrequent for us, in case you hadn't noticed...and I still want to hang out with you ;).

Thank you Mrs RP...you've put a smile on my face (which isn't an unusual occurance btw).
 
seriously?

I haven't a clue why sex is such a big deal.

I've never had an issue "making friends" and having people who WANT to spend time with me, and I'm quite vocal about the fact that I'm simply not available for sex....

:confused:
 
hi derby, i really think that poly lifestyle is good for children to be a part of. they can become more openminded and accepting of lifestyles other than the traditional man and wife only married till death do they part.

and i'm glad that i know now that there are others who live this way.
 
hi derby, i really think that poly lifestyle is good for children to be a part of. they can become more openminded and accepting of lifestyles other than the traditional man and wife only married till death do they part.

and i'm glad that i know now that there are others who live this way.

There's a number of us who live this way. ;)
 
thanks loving radiance. since we are not very open about our situation, i'm not around others who are in this lifestyle, which is why it's nice tobe on forums like this. hv a good night.
 
sounds like the same basic struggle that Maca is dealing with.
He has this real issue with wanting to "have someone too". Ironically-he's got girls chasing him around corners, but he doesn't see that as being comparable to me not having guys chasing me around the corners (I don't go anywhere TO get chased). He figures if I went somewhere, they'd be chasing so it's the same.
But-it bothers him that I have GG and he has "no one".

At the same time, everytime "someone" comes along who MIGHT be able to become "another one" over time..... he rushes into sex and then gets rid of them because "they only want me for sex."........

I keep tilting my head in curiosity. I can't understand why he can't just enjoy meeting people, getting to know them as people and then see what happens OVER TIME.

I met GG April 9th, 1993.
We spent 3-5 days a week together outside of work, and we worked together 5 days a week....

It was summer of 1995 before things took a turn towards sex.
That was a one time moment.

We continued to be friends and remain in close contact for years. It was 2001 or 2002 before our relationship turned romantic/sexual.

Seriously, that time of building a friendship IS the reason we're in love with each other (and not in lust).... because we fell in love with the deeper parts of who we are.


Ok-that wasn't meant to be a rant Derby.

On a side note-I'd be happy to tell you how beautiful you are while I'm visiting-and even though I'm bi-I don't want sex, so you can enjoy the attention without the concern that I want you for your body.

:D


I worry about this my self. Seeing my husband with with his GF makes me feel wonderful but I often think about having someone else too. I don't really have anyone in mind and I am not actively looking. I worry about my husband and who he will deal with it. Up until he met his GF we had been swingers. This is really new to both of us but we are doing our research and readying other people's stories. We both feel like not only does this life make sense to us but we think it would be a great fit for our life. I worry that just because his head tells him it is ok I don't know if his feelings will agree.
I don't want to rush into anything I don't even do that when it is just sex. I defiantly can't rush into something when our feelings are involved. I see how happy H and his GF are and how happy H and I are and I want to share that with someone else.

Sorry it is so long and random. Just been thinking about this lately.
 
I was having a bit of a panic earlier this week. I have a little book that I have been writing stuff in that I really don't want falling into the wrong hands. I had put it somewhere safe and it was so safe that I couldn't find it either. I found it yesterday so my fears that it might have walked off at the new years party were put to rest. I think in the future I'll just keep it in the same spot so that I know where it is.

On top of that my daughter asked me the other day why her dad has a girlfriend. The only answer I could come up with is "why not". I don't know how she is understanding gilrfriend. She is only 4. Neither set of parents know that we are poly and I figure eventually it's going to be the kids who out us since we don't live in secret around them.

So it's been a week of examining what it means to me if my secrets become public. I don't know how ready I am to face it head on. I don't know if I'm brave enough. On the other side of it I wonder if it would just be easier to be out to everyone and get it over with and know where who I really am stands with people. I know that once I do come out that I can't take it back so I'm still weighing the pros and cons. I'm not ready for the potential drama yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be 100%. All I know is that I'm ready to be honest if confronted with questions.
 
The only answer I could come up with is "why not". I don't know how she is understanding gilrfriend.

I love that answer Derby.
Kids are so.... basic and simple.
They tend to accept that if there isn't a reason NOT then it's no big deal, in MUCH of their lives. ;)

I think that was an awesome answer.

I understand that still brings some work up for you with considerations of how to deal with the issues that will arise when it "all comes out", because kids do accept, and then they don't see the big deal about sharing what they know/feel. So, it will come up.

But-that's ok, it was still a WONDERFUL answer and I think that when the time comes, you will find that you have another wonderful answer too. ;)

I can't wait to meet you!
 
I understand that still brings some work up for you with considerations of how to deal with the issues that will arise when it "all comes out", because kids do accept, and then they don't see the big deal about sharing what they know/feel. So, it will come up.

I would actually love to hear what Spicy Pea's view is on that, since she has lived it as a teenager.
 
Feel free to email me a "question" email for her-and I'll forward it to her to respond to.

Most of all, she doesn't care. She's always known her whole life that I believe STRONGLY in people having a right to live their life anyway they want.

My ex-girlfriend had a motto she said all of the time (when Spicy was little) "if two people share love, who cares about the details as long as it's love, it's a good thing".

;)
 
I haven't been sleeping well this week. I haven't completely nailed down the reason yet. Someone I worked with passed away last week and she is also a community member in the community where I work. The family are in a state of crisis. I'm having some guilt over looking for a new job. The thing is that this community will never be without crisis and it will never be a good time to move on. I need to move on to a position where I'm feeling like I can make a difference again.

I also worry about keeping my husband awake as I'm falling asleep. As I'm falling asleep my body twitches and he's commented on it more than once. So if he comes to bed as I'm drifting off I tend to worry that if I let myself sleep I'll keep him awake.

And then there's been the what if worries about coming out. With my book going missing and my daughter's comment on the weekend it's been on my mind a lot. Some of the stuff I'm facing is kind of a coming out to myself (which is a little bit scary in and of it's self).

I sent a message to my husband's girlfriend yesterday to see if she would like to get together and to get to know one another better as I know I've made a pretty lousy impression on her. I'm on edge waiting to hear back. I guess I'm kind of expecting the worst there. Although I am hopeful that she'll give me the chance to be who I am when I'm not feeling all fearful and threatened.

Maybe I can just blame the full moon, if there is one at the moment. Things will settle in me again, right now I'm just feeling stirred up.
 
As I'm falling asleep my body twitches and he's commented on it more than once. So if he comes to bed as I'm drifting off I tend to worry that if I let myself sleep I'll keep him awake.

Both my husband and I do this to some extent. He has never said anything, but I sometimes wake myself up:p. I find that when my husband does this, it helps to cuddle up next to him and drape my arms and legs over him and he settles right down.
 
I do that too.
GG says it helps to just caress me or touch me and then I just calm right now. Maca says he just holds me tight and I calm down.
 
The lack of sleep could be a lot of things; time of year, relationships, kids, job, death, losing your book (I'm glad you found it btw!). I decided to look on my troubles more wholistically and not take one thing and microscopically disect it. It seems to be working for me, maybe it will for you.

I don't know what makes you think you left a bad impression with the gf. She hasn't reached out to you and does poly very differently to you it seems. I think she just is kind of doing her own thing no? She likley doesn't think of you at all except in terms of when she can spend time with your husband. Some people just aren't all that interested in strong friendships with their metamours.

The two of you are so different, I'm not sure why pursuing anything more is such a priority. Is it because you want a family type of poly? If so then I think, from what I know, she isn't your gal. Your hubby needs to find one that is ;) just kidding! Of course I haven't stepped up to the plate. Maybe you need another partner too? :D
 
The lack of sleep could be a lot of things; time of year, relationships, kids, job, death, losing your book (I'm glad you found it btw!). I decided to look on my troubles more wholistically and not take one thing and microscopically disect it. It seems to be working for me, maybe it will for you.

I work things though by dissecting them. I talk things through and write about them and then eventually I can let them go. It's all just part of the process. This too shall pass. I'm don't suffer from insomnia all that often, usually I'm asleep the second my head hits the pillow :)

I don't know what makes you think you left a bad impression with the gf. She hasn't reached out to you and does poly very differently to you it seems. I think she just is kind of doing her own thing no? She likley doesn't think of you at all except in terms of when she can spend time with your husband. Some people just aren't all that interested in strong friendships with their metamours.

It's just kind of weird for me to be friends with her primary and share a partner with her and not have a friendship with her too. Why I think I haven't made a good impression is because there have been times when I have most definitely had my grumpy pants on when she's been around. The walls have been up with her in the past. I wasn't ready to just let her in as a friend just because my husband likes her. I think maybe I was subconsciously wanting her to put the effort in with me. I've also made a lot of assumptions about the way she does things, especially since I haven't really sat down and talked with her about it.

The two of you are so different, I'm not sure why pursuing anything more is such a priority. Is it because you want a family type of poly? If so then I think, from what I know, she isn't your gal. Your hubby needs to find one that is ;) just kidding! Of course I haven't stepped up to the plate. Maybe you need another partner too? :D

Hubby really doesn't need to find someone else. He and his gf are well suited for each other. As for family type poly I think what I want is people around me who I'm comfortable with and who feel like family. I don't want to live with more people (heck I wouldn't mind living alone lol). I don't need another partner. I'm tickled pink with the 2 I have. At the very least I wouldn't have the time to build something with anyone else without something else having to give.
 
So things are looking better today. I had a sleep and I think it helped to get some things off my chest here. I really am just a big worrywart sometimes. I'm happy it's Friday. I'm taking my little girl out for girl time this evening. I haven't decided what we're going to do yet but it's so rare to have one on one time with either child that I'm really looking forward to it.

Tomorrow I'm going to hang out with my best friend for the day and we're going to have an un-birthday celebration (as it seems like something fun and cheap to do with the kids). Then it's off glow bowling! I love Fridays, the whole weekend is just layed out in front of me full of sparkly possibility.
 
I had a dream last night where someone I know in the community wrote a poly article for some on line source and included pictures. Some of the pictures were of me and they were put there without my knowledge or permission. I got really angry about it and said that I didn't want things out there about me without my permission. This person told me that it was just better this way that everyone know. I told them that it wasn't their desision to make.

Last night was great fun. Dinner and bowling. I got to talk to some people who I don't talk to often which was a nice change of pace. I like that there are events like this who are appealing to a different group of people who sometimes aren't all together comfortable at some of the other events that come up. I liked that there were less people and I was able to just be (which for me means being a little silly).

I also saw my best friend during the day yesterday. Her new years resolution is to make more time for friends and family. For the last year she's been all caught up in a new relationship and hasn't had time for anyone else. We did some baking and took the kids to the park. It was really nice and relaxed.
 
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