My tendency to over-think things....

I don't feel at home in the LGBT community. The 'B' always feels so ignored and often judged that I tend to avoid it. As a woman married to a man, I've never really felt like I've been included in the sense of community. Sure, the groups and individuals I've talked to have always said "welcome!" and have appreciated my support, but in reality no one really related to me. I was too "normal."

YES. This. And with the fight against the "promiscuous" assumption, it's hard to bring up poly. We end up being "not gay enough" AND "sluts". *sigh*

I'm a little bit of a gamer (tabletop RPG's) but I'm not into any of those other things you listed as being big in your poly community either, so I hear you. I have a hard time with interest-based groups in general because, while there are geeky/nerdy things I like, I'm never AS into them as the rest of the people there, so I end up feeling like I don't really belong.

*hugs* No answers or even suggestions, but I totally understand! Oregon isn't THAT far from Northern CA, maybe someday we can have our own meetup! :)
 
I still identify as "Christian" although my definition of such has drastically altered in the recent years.

I think this was my biggest obstacle over the last 6 years or so. I had always found my friends through church and after years of not really connecting with anyone, and then my view/beliefs started to evolve and change, I was left floundering with no one I felt safe having theological discussions with. I had to look outside my normal comfort zones and venture into the unknown.

For some strange reason, about a year ago, I got some wild hair to join a Renaissance Faire group. I don't sing, play music or even like acting, in fact around strangers, I get real shy, but I do knit, sew and like history and this group had a place for that and it's also a year round re-enactment group. I can't believe how fast I made some really dear friends. It was really strange to sit with a group a women, sewing while watching scifi movies. While the Christian community is a minority, the Bi women out number the straight and lesbian combined.

It is a slow process, to find a place to fit. Start looking for groups that cater to your interests and visit a few times. Look into trying something new.
 
Have I recently mentioned how much I love this forum?? Well, I do. :p


YES. This. And with the fight against the "promiscuous" assumption, it's hard to bring up poly. We end up being "not gay enough" AND "sluts". *sigh*

I'm a little bit of a gamer (tabletop RPG's) but I'm not into any of those other things you listed as being big in your poly community either, so I hear you. I have a hard time with interest-based groups in general because, while there are geeky/nerdy things I like, I'm never AS into them as the rest of the people there, so I end up feeling like I don't really belong.

*hugs* No answers or even suggestions, but I totally understand! Oregon isn't THAT far from Northern CA, maybe someday we can have our own meetup! :)

I really do like the people we meet in the poly forums, and the people who are under 40 are generally much, much, much less weird about newness/current situation than the younger people are. Which is fine since I generally have more in common with people under 40 anyway. :p

I do love the idea of having our own meetup. I think it would be interesting to try to get as many polyamory.com contributors as possible together at once to see if we all like each other as much in person. lol

I think this was my biggest obstacle over the last 6 years or so. I had always found my friends through church and after years of not really connecting with anyone, and then my view/beliefs started to evolve and change, I was left floundering with no one I felt safe having theological discussions with. I had to look outside my normal comfort zones and venture into the unknown.

For some strange reason, about a year ago, I got some wild hair to join a Renaissance Faire group. I don't sing, play music or even like acting, in fact around strangers, I get real shy, but I do knit, sew and like history and this group had a place for that and it's also a year round re-enactment group. I can't believe how fast I made some really dear friends. It was really strange to sit with a group a women, sewing while watching scifi movies. While the Christian community is a minority, the Bi women out number the straight and lesbian combined.

It is a slow process, to find a place to fit. Start looking for groups that cater to your interests and visit a few times. Look into trying something new.

I grew up in a very tight-knit church. My grandpa was a pastor, my uncle became a pastor, I was VERY involved. My friends either went to my church or a church nearby and we all did churchy things together. Not having that connection is very strange to me. My problem right now is that I don't have any hardcore interests. I can't think of a single thing that I am so passionate about or interested in that I would want to have a dedicated time for week after week. Very few things I would be willing to set aside one dedicated day a MONTH for a group activity. I like variety. I need to find a group for variety. lol
 
I love getting to know new people. Especially new poly people.

I've been talking off and on to the woman I met at the last poly meetup. She checked in to see if I would be at the meeting tomorrow (she was debating about going but has now said she will definitely be there :p ), and we talked for about 2 hours or so via text. Turns out we have a lot in common. I've been enjoying the swapping of stories, random information gleaned, and general conversation that has been going on. I've also been enjoying that feeling of not knowing where things are going. Is she going to be a good friend? Someone I just see every once in a while at poly meetings? A girlfriend?

No matter what type of relationship develops, it is wonderful knowing that there is someone else that I can be my complete self around who understands and won't judge me.
 
I surprise myself sometimes. :rolleyes:

Keith was going to leave his phone at home when we go camping next week because he is afraid he won't be able to resist the urge to text the women he's been talking to lately (there are 2, one of which he will HOPEFULLY be meeting for coffee or dinner very soon). I decided that's silly. If he gets on my nerves with overt phone activity, I'll tell him. Why should he not be able to talk to people when I plan on spending most of the time reading and have a habit of texting at random times too?

He was pleasantly surprised that I insisted he warn the women that he may not be accessible as regularly (no idea what signal is like where we're going AND we do plan on doing some hiking/museum going during which he won't be able to use his phone), but on the whole I don't mind if he continues talking to them as much as he has been lately. I'm kind of surprised, too, because I have been very much looking forward to this "all about me" week. He's been promising it to me ever since we moved. Something about me doing something so big for him that he feels like he owes me. lol Ridiculous, of course, but who am I to argue if he wants to spoil me for a week?? :D

But again, who am I to complain that I apparently have next to no jealousy left in my system? Let him talk. It's adorable when he gets all excited about potential friends/girlfriends.
 
Keith and I are re-entering our exploration of D/s life! Woohoo! He wouldn't mind doing an almost 24/7 kind of thing, but I'm still not quite confident enough to do that. I need to find a book that is more focused on the D/s side since we aren't really interested in bondage at all. I am a bit of a sadist and he a masochist, so we've been dabbling with a few different whips and floggers and such for a while. Once again - working on building up my confidence in that arena. I've missed it, Keith's missed it, we just hadn't gotten back into figuring out what we enjoy and what our comfort levels are since the move.

So.. That is good thing numero uno. Good thing numero dos is that I have lost weight this month! First weigh in was June 1 and as of last Friday, I am down EIGHT POUNDS!! Super yay!

That is pretty much my life at the moment. I have a possible date in the next couple of weeks, but unless we get our vehicle worked on that isn't going to happen for a while. Our power steering needs work, and soon since I can hardly turn the wheel the way it is. Keith has no issues driving it (have I mention I lack all semblance of having upper body strength??? lol) so he doesn't view it as a priority. I just need to call and make an appointment so that he has no choice but to deal with it. Blah.
 
Today is mine and Keith's 2 year wedding anniversary.

It started off in an awesome way because of a bad situation. We took our vehicle in for some maintenance yesterday (things we've known needed to be done since we got the thing but had been putting off until we knew we had the money) and it turns out the power steering was about to go out (with no signs in the handling that it was happening). :( Boo. So that cost us like $500 more than than we planned, AND it meant they had to keep it overnight so Keith couldn't go to work last night.

So, the bad = a lot more money going in to the vehicle meaning we have to dip into our emergency fund a bit (but not too much, it'll be back up to full force within a few weeks without us stretching the budget much at all, yay!) and he had to use a PTO day that we were trying to save for next year to take an extended trip. The good = Keith got to be home last night and we had a movie marathon and made sure we were awake at midnight to have our first kiss (and stuff) on our anniversary.

I am now letting him sleep while I catch up on some housework and other stuff that I put off this weekend.
 
Oh, talking to new people, how I love and hate it.

On one hand, I absolutely love getting to know new people, hearing their stories, and just enjoying the process.

On the other, I am absolutely TERRIBLE at faceless conversation. Meaning, until we meet in person and I get to actually interact with someone, I am hopelessly awkward.

The plus side? The woman I'm talking to seems to be okay with it. :D And guys don't really notice. lol It's been a good few days, although only owning one vehicle is a real drag since it limits when I can be out of the house (it would help if I wasn't too big of a weenie to ride public transit on my own, but my mom's paranoia managed to transfer to me and I'm always afraid I'd get lost anyway :rolleyes:).
 
Fiona texted me today. Like a lot.

We hadn't talked in easily over a month. I'm torn on whether or not I should tell her that I am potentially going to be actively dating soon or if I should just ignore it since we don't talk regularly anyway.

I mean, she always seems to find it necessary to tell me that they haven't played since we left and that it's because she hasn't met anyone that she wants to do anything with. I don't know if that's her way of saying she still cares or if she thinks it's what I want to hear or if she just really thinks I want/need to know.

I don't know why I find it so hard to just say what I want with this woman! So frustrating. I've been so much better about being open and honest from the get-go with people I've been talking to lately. I guess it's harder to change old trends when it's with someone you have a history with.
 
On one hand, things are fantastic - I'm going to get to go visit my family in September, I'm finally making friends and have been talking to some awesome people on OKC lately, AND I've lost 10 pounds.

On the other, I am so frustrated with Keith! He was doing so well dividing his time and focus to make sure I got attention AND he got to nurture some new potentials until things got sexual with someone (rant in another thread) and he seemed to forget that it isn't fair to ask me to shoulder the entire weight of his bad mood while he spends all the happy energy he has on someone else. I've also been lacking in sex drive lately, so him pushing for sex has been causing some strife. Then whenever I'm actually in the mood, he's not. So frustrating being on different schedules!
 
I get to visit family!! We'd been discussing it for a while, but since Keith wants an extra long vacation next year he can't take time off and I didn't think it was fair to go without him. The other day he told me I should go and that he would actually enjoy having a weekend where he could spend the entire time focusing on games, hanging out with friends, or doing whatever he wants that I'm not interested in - this was before we got in a fight, so I know it's not like he's just saying okay to make me feel better. :) So, I get to take a week vacation - as much as going and staying at my parents' house is a vacation since I'll go to work with my mom a couple of days and pretty much just hang out with family the entire time.

Mario and Fiona will probably come stay at my parents' house (which could potentially lead to some awkwardness so I need to make sure to have a looooong conversation with F before I go) as well as my sister, her husband, and my nephew so it will be a full house and my mother is thrilled! I haven't gotten to talk to my dad yet, but I'm sure he'll be excited too because he felt guilty that they couldn't really afford to come visit until next March.

I can't wait! Just over a month until I get to see everyone! :D Financially it's not the smartest move we've made lately, but psychologically I think it will be really good for me so it's worth scrimping for a few more weeks while we build our savings back up. It's not like I'm going to spend any money while I'm there since I'll be mooching food and lodging off of people.
 
I should not invite someone that did not make me happy back into a serious part of my life.

I should not invite someone that did not make me happy back into a serious part of my life.

I should not invite someone that did not make me happy back into a serious part of my life.

Ever since I announced the trip, Fiona has been texting/facebooking me like crazy. I keep having to remind myself not to encourage too much intimacy because I don't want/can't deal with all the crap I had to deal with when my relationship with her was confusing. We are friends - ish right now. We've only talked, like, 2-3 times since I moved and I do not want to let myself get all caught up in the loop of "well, what did she mean when she said/did this?" kind of thing like I used to do.

I wrote her a letter detailing what I would need to happen for her and I to have the same sort of romantic-like relationship that we used to have. I don't know if I'm going to send it to her or if just getting my past frustrations out on paper was enough, but it did help ground me and remind me of WHY I didn't fight harder to make a LDR happen. While I care for her, a lot, her life isn't really compatible with what I want/need. I'm thinking it's easier to let bygones be bygones and leave the letter unsent, but we'll see how crazy I get in the next week or so. :)

I just focus way too much on things that I should just let go. Something I most definitely need to work on.
 
Understanding has been reached with dear Keith!

He didn't view cyber sex as a big deal, and normally I don't either, but it was vastly different for me when he did it with someone he actually cares about. Even if she is super far away and the likelihood of them ever meeting is slim I felt like I should have been told that their relationship has a sexual side to it now, too, so that I wouldn't have been blindsided. He already understood why I wasn't happy with the disappearing act, but now he understands why I hadn't gotten over it yet.

So, we're good now. He knows that I believe in the same boundaries for online relationships as I do in person ones, which he was apparently not entirely clear on before. I am fairly certain I'd said it before, but we don't write these things down so who knows.

I told him on Monday that I wasn't going to have sex with him until we were on the same page about everything. Oddly enough, since then I've had more of a sex drive than I have in months - I've actually masturbated every day (as opposed to the MAYBE once a month that's usual). So, tomorrow after the gym should be a good time since we can FINALLY do it! When we argue, we tend to have crazy sex then forget to resolve the issue for real, so I wanted to make sure it didn't happen this time. Apparently it worked since we've reached clarity.

:p Yay! ;)

As for Fiona... She texted and FBed me again today and I ignored it... She went from definitely staying at my parents' house at least one night to maybe not coming at all, so I'm done. I'm not offering any energy, if she wants to come visit - great, I'm sure I'll enjoy it. If she doesn't - that's fine, I get to spend time with my family and see friends from high school and all the people who are willing to take the time out of their lives when I'm going to be around. If she persists in contacting me, I'll send her the letter explaining how I feel about her and our relationship in general. I'm tired of having to explain the same things to her, though, since I've told her multiple times that I feel like she values me when I'm around, but as soon as I'm out of sight I don't matter (I read somewhere about a relationship of presence and that really seems like how she feels about it). I can't handle that - I'm an all or nothing kinda gal, so... Yep. Kind of feeling peaceful about that situation, too. Maybe I just need this one last thing to either make me let go entirely or try my hardest to make it work. To date, I've done neither.
 
Last edited:
I have a date. Tomorrow! I'm super excited. A picnic and movie in the park. I felt kind of bad that I had to veto going out to dinner when he asked, but I have 0 spending money right now because the truck needed work AGAIN (darn thing isn't worth what he's putting into it, but whatever, it's easier than buying a different vehicle I suppose) and I didn't want him to pay for me (I have this weird thing about people buying me things before I know I'm going to be in their lives for a while and will be able to repay in some way - whether by also buying things or by random baking/meals or whatever) but I figured a picnic is nice anyway and he seemed to like it. We can claim our spot early and eat and chat leisurely while we wait for dusk. :)

He's actually a friend of a friend, although I don't know their connection really. I'll ask tomorrow, I'm sure. He's significantly older than I am (17 years), but so far we've had a lot in common since we enjoy the same books, movies, and are just all around friendly people.

Keith is slightly envious, but seems happy for me. He's been wanting me to get out of the house more since we've had some financial upsets and I've really gotten down about my inability to find a job. Being overqualified sucks as much as being underqualified. Oh, well. One day. At least I've started hearing back from a few places.

So, just a month until I get to visit family, a date tomorrow night, and I've started getting at least some vague interest from places that may possibly one day want to hire me. It's a pretty good day.
 
Good day. Minus the fact that I'm staying up all night so I can pick Keith up from work in a couple of hours, I had a great time. Made some yummy food, watched an awesome movie, and met a pretty amazing person. No instant or crazy chemistry, but we got along great and we're going to hang out again soon.

I also talked to a (local) friend that I hadn't spoken to for about a week. We had a really good conversation and our senses of humor are so similar - it's great. Hopefully she and I get a chance to hang out minus the men sometime soon. No offense to them, but sometimes it's nice to bond woman-to-woman. And she is someone I could definitely see myself interested in once we know each other better.

:rolleyes: It was soooo hard to meet people for months, but now it seems like I'm going to be busy left and right again. Gotta love it!
 
Date #2 tomorrow! I'm excited, because I think it will be really fun (we're just going to wander a specific area of the city that has a lot of bookstores/art galleries/coffee shops) but nervous because I got sunburnt and I have no idea what to wear that won't interfere with the blisters but will still look cute. :( lol

I also have a couple of job interviews lined up later in the week, which is awesome. I don't know that either of them are going to work out (the scheduling is weird AND I've already planned a week long vacation in a month...) but getting back into the habit of being in interviews and interacting with people on that professional level will be great for me even if a job doesn't come of it.

Life has been stressful - money-wise, small spats with Keith, etc, etc, but I think I may be seeing a light at the end of it. Not that it's been terrible, but it definitely hasn't been the best.
 
*sigh of contentment*

Major steps have been taken this week.

I'm pretty sure I only have one more step to officially let go of any hope that Fiona and I will even be friends in the near future. After a final effort to reach out and keep in semi-regular contact, she disappeared (again) and then got upset when I said I was done putting out the effort if she wasn't going to reciprocate. I kind of feel like she deserves an explanation about how poly was actually one of the reasons Keith and I moved, what kind of relationship I'm really looking, and how the poly community has become such an important part of my life since I've moved out here. She doesn't know I've been trying to date. She doesn't really know anything about my life here. I think telling her would make me feel better and know that I've put it all out there for her to decide if what she wants/is willing/is able to do would fit with what I want/need, but I don't really know if SHE would want to know.

Date #2 lasted 12 hours. He is officially being dubbed Bashful, because he is adorably shy. The date was great, though. We went to bookstores and randomly wandered, met a friend/woman he is casually dating for coffee (she and I share a career path so she was giving me some info to help me in the job hunt), then we actually went back to her place and hung out with her and her partner for a while, then he brought me home and we continued sitting on the couch and talking for hours. Finally about 10 hours after picking me up, he kissed me and we spent another 2 hours cuddling and kissing and tickling (okay, he was tickling and it wasn't on purpose I'm just super sensitive, but it was fun). Finally it was almost time for Keith to get home from work, and I was exhausted so he went home. It was just so casual and fun and nice. So many stories shared. It was just... nice. I'm excited to see where this goes.

I've also had a few job interviews. Nothing is working out so far, but I'm getting closer! And I got caught up and have been maintaining my housework (finally). I've also made plans with some friends for the weekend. So, yeah. It's been a good couple of days.
 
So, Fiona texted me at random this morning. Funny since I had drafted an email to send her. After discussing what she'd asked me about (Fifty Shades of Grey.. Ugh! Eventually I'm going to give in and read that damn book, but I am NOT looking forward to it!), I told her about how involved in the poly community I've become. She asked if I'd met anyone special, and I told her that I'm not sure yet, but that I have been on a few dates with a guy. No response yet.

Half of a check, though, for saying half of what I wanted to. I'll gauge her response (if I get one) and decide if I want to tell her the other, more emotional half. The half that puts all of the various thought processes I've gone through about her on the table. The one that explains WHY I thought it important that she know how important being poly has become to me. Or maybe I'll just give up and send the long version to her via email. We'll see... lol Overall this is making me feel better, though. Good thing Keith peer pressures me into doing what I know I need to do. :D

In other news... Date #3 tonight!
 
Back
Top