Flowing toward a triad

pulliman

Member
Hi everyone,

I've lurked here for ... ages, it seems... and tonight is the first time that I want to post something. I don't need the labels, but I've been poly all my life, while my wife has been monogamous. We've had the usual agonies. I have a LDR that has lasted many years, but I rarely see her and my marriage has managed the difficulties. I've read (and adore the writing of) many of you, most of all (hate to single you out, but seriously, you're amazing) GalaGirl, and thought I'd share what is happening in my life tonight.

My previously monogamous and straight wife (W) is out tonight with a woman she's fallen in love with. They connect, they share, they are absolutely gorgeous together. When they kiss, when they smile that sheepish grin about the other, when they open up to the happy space, they are in such puppy love that ... well, it makes me more than happy. Ahem. Cough. Compersion is easy. Raging horniness at my wife's exploration of her deeper emotional self is overwhelming. And awesome. Cough...

The thing about this woman she's fallen in love with is that she and I met years ago, and fell in love with each other more recently. But, having a past in which I'd cheated on my wife, before I figured out what ETHICAL nonmonogamy was, I was simply not going to cheat again. Ever, not if it was going to destroy my marriage. We were close friends, I told my wife all about her, my wife knew something was different with this friendship, was nervous, but we kept lines of communication wide wide open. Eventually, this woman (A) contacted my wife ... and ... they inadvertently fell in love, it seems. My wife started to see me differently, understanding nonmonogamy in a way that she never had, and safely saying that we (A and I) could be lovers. Which we now are.

So, tonight, my wife W and my girlfriend A are ... lovers, for the first time, on their own. How did we end up in a triad?! But that's where we are. The threesomes we've had (HELLO, that was sexier than any fantasy I've ever had) helped them feel confident with each other, and hiding from the kids (heat and passion in a kiss) led to a walk with making out (like, seriously, in the bushes, like you're teenagers?! that's so cute!) and has now led to making love.

Maybe this is the only place I can imagine sharing that, yes, it feels weird to be alone on the night my previously monogamous wife is with a lover for the first time... which should be a monumental shift in any marriage... except it's with my lover... and I'm just so HAPPY for them. They're so damn beautiful when they are together. They are so utterly gorgeous when they open up to each other.

It's funny, people hate on the unicorns and the triads. But give it a break, people: We didn't expect this. They are quite open to the possibility that I'll be the hinge in a V that includes sexy threesomes but not them as lovers, outside of explorations like tonight. And they are best friends, they tell me, no matter what they do with their bodies. But I'm seeing them going deeper and not yet safe with each other, constrained by the social expectations around us. I can imagine that in a year, we'll be Out in a way we aren't right now. Or hidden but pretty damn happy. Because they seem pretty damn happy, and I am, too, with both of them, and with them together while I'm alone.

Why am I writing? because I'm alone tonight while they make love. But I'm HAPPY, and I didn't really expect to feel that. And this community (in which I've lurked) helps me, and that means a lot to me, so, in the grand scheme of things: Thank you. Thank you for being here with and for me. You've helped me more than you could know.

pulliman
 
It's funny, people hate on the unicorns and the triads. But give it a break, people: We didn't expect this. They are quite open to the possibility that I'll be the hinge in a V that includes sexy threesomes but not them as lovers, outside of explorations like tonight.
It's not unicorns and triads which are "hated on", it's the people who try to shoehorn a V into a triad and wonder why there aren't enough pieces. I think you'll find that this serendipitous triad formation is the type that is encouraged.
Why am I writing? because I'm alone tonight while they make love. But I'm HAPPY, and I didn't really expect to feel that.
Congratulations to all involved. It sounds wonderful.
 
It's not unicorns and triads which are "hated on", it's the people who try to shoehorn a V into a triad and wonder why there aren't enough pieces. I think you'll find that this serendipitous triad formation is the type that is encouraged.

This, exactly.


Congratulations to all involved. It sounds wonderful.

It's all new, NRE abounds! Horniness aplenty! Fun! Here's hoping it has staying power.
 
Points taken, re triads and all - that was badly stated on my part. Thanks for the clarification.

As for the NRE, yeah, it's partially that. But really, it's the happiness toward the couple I'm not in, the compersion, that really stands out to me.

The longer history is that my wife really did NOT like my LDR for many years, and only recently and slowly have we found peace about that. For her to fall in love, herself, and for them to find each to each other as they have, is a natural growth that none of us were expecting. It just feels easy, normal, and right to be doing this.

Thanks for the kind words, all!
 
A happy story! Wow! Awesome!
 
The longer history is that my wife really did NOT like my LDR for many years, and only recently and slowly have we found peace about that. For her to fall in love, herself, and for them to find each to each other as they have, is a natural growth that none of us were expecting. It just feels easy, normal, and right to be doing this.

When it feels easy, normal, right and natural? That is your feelings telling you that the speed you are all going at is good for all, that the expectations are being kept realistic and reasonable, that you are willing to let some things just unfold as they will and not FORCE a particular outcome, and that all players are getting their needs met in a way that satisfies them... all good things to experience.

Congrats - and good for you guys! :)

Galagirl

PS: That is kind to let me know my writing resonates with you. Thank you.
 
I'm a lurker, and new poster just figuring out where I fit in. But, this..your post....I can almost feel the loveliness. I feel warm and happy for you. I can relate to the unexpected falling in love as that is what happened to dh and I...and relate to feeling such love and happiness knowing that they are happy pursuing something else wonderful in their lives.

I'm, ignorantly, unaware of what the whole "v" thing that is mentioned is about. I am not used to the terminology, lol. Not sure why people would hate on them a bit haha but I'm new to finding out there are actual terms for how we love, or the dynamic that we wish for.
 
this community (in which I've lurked) helps me, and that means a lot to me, so, in the grand scheme of things: Thank you. Thank you for being here with and for me. You've helped me more than you could know.

pulliman

Welcome! It's amazing how much support a person can get from an online forum!

I hope you continue to share with us and I look forward to hearing more!
 
I'm, ignorantly, unaware of what the whole "v" thing that is mentioned is about. I am not used to the terminology, lol.
V vs. Δ.

The terminology is based on the shape; in a V two people who are romantically uninvolved with each other are both involved with the same person, often referred to as the Hinge. In a triad it's a closed triangle, meaning that each of the three people is romantically involved with both of the others.

You might find the Glossary and Definitions thread useful.
 
You see, the rule is you aren't allowed to say you are seeking a triad (even if you are), you are only allowed to be happy or mention it if it happens.
 
You see, the rule is you aren't allowed to say you are seeking a triad (even if you are), you are only allowed to be happy or mention it if it happens.

Smiling. I totally misspoke in my original post, and love this way of phrasing it, instead. Thanks!

Right now, these relationships are all of different histories and different levels of involvement. But, we do seem to be stumbling toward a triad. To go at the nuance of the quote: it's not like I'm seeking a triad - I just hope it really happens among the three of us. We're all pretty open about the differences in our relationships, which sexually speaking is two hot married folks, two passionate lovers, two intimate and exploring best-friend make-out partners. We're different, and also love being all together. Enjoying the differences seems to be the effect - feeling safe when you're not involved in that other event (or being all together and loving that too). Because the sexiness is just an expression of the emotional and personal. How we are as a trio, or in couples, just feels good, right now. So, yeah, happy that it's happening, definitely that.
 
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