My turn again....
So this last week, along with all the other drama, T popped his head up on MSN said one word (my name) and disappeared again...
This ripped the scabs from my barely starting to heal heart and left me raw and bleeding again (in my already stressed situation - I am not quite as thick-skinned as normal and this is so close to my heart).
Today I got an email from him - telling me I am missed deeply, that he is searching for excuses to talk to me and apologising for the contact, saying it was unfair.
The response I want to send runs like this:
T,
You are missed deeply, by both of us. Knowing that you are hurting weighs on my mind a great deal.
You need no excuse to speak with me, I am here, I miss you and I want you back in our lives. As far as I am concerned, all you need to do is add me back everywhere you removed me from and we can take it step by step from there. There is no need for apology for wanting to speak with me. It costs me a great deal to respect your wish for no communication.
There is nothing unfair about talking to me. What is unfair is the choice you made to unilaterally cut us both out of your life. What is unfair is continuing to make that choice every single day. I do not understand what it is you think you do by making that choice.
Surely it would be fairer to allow both (WaterWolf) and myself to have a voice in whether or not you are a part of our life? Surely it would be fairer to do us the courtesy, and show us the respect, of having open, and honest, communication. Hard work, discomfort and awkwardness do not deter me from working towards something beautiful, whether it be nothing more than friendship or something deeper.
(FlameKat).
..............
WaterWolf, quite understandably holds a great deal of anger and resentment, both about the way T has hurt me in this situation, abandoned their friendship and run like a coward from his feelings (general gist of a very long tirade) and intends to respond to his email quite bluntly about the above issues, including a statement to the effect that if T wants back in he (WaterWolf) expects to see the same effort deployed towards their friendship... (I have no problem with this... I do feel the need to send my own response though (after all the email WAS to me, and I have a relationship with T as well)
Should I just let WaterWolf send his response only? Should I send my response separately to WaterWolf's or together? This is really bugging me a lot...
Communication is a key issue for me... I feel I need to send my response separately and let the boys work on their stuff separately - but then I don't want to be out of the loop either...and WaterWolf isn't ready to have T back in his life yet, or at least that is what he is saying... but I am sitting here hurting from his absence.
I want to find a middle ground where I can talk with T, just talk and maybe game, and WaterWolf be okay with that... and they work things out as they are ready.
(Quick reminder: both these relationships are for me, LDR's - WaterWolf and T live in the same city)
WaterWolf is also dealing with the death of a friend (funeral tomorrow).
What is fair here? Am I wanting too much from WaterWolf at this point (in general - obviously not pushing the issue while he is dealing with the funeral etc), or am I right to expect a little movement?