Need Advice - Very... very weird situation

I feel for Thinker. Being polyamorous in theory is one thing, but having your wife fall in love with another man, knowing they were making love in your home, then moving said man into the home that he formerly shared with the wife....if Thinker had any small crack in his psyche, I can see how such things might just send him over the edge.

That being said, I found myself feeling sick at his offer to be Boo's "Sugar Daddy," and keep her for sex and companionship. This is his WIFE he's supposed to love and protect her, not degrade and denigrate because he's unhappy with the path their life took together.

I can't tell, OP, if you mean you dated Boo for 2 months or if Thinker has been out of the house for 2 months. Either way, I feel you moved in alarmingly fast, given the situation. Sounds like everyone needs to take a step back, deep breath, and get some help from outside sources.
 
It sounds like you and Thinker have not sat down and openly discussed his feelings.

We have not sat down since things have gotten bad. The only thing that we have done is he has told me that he "veto'd" me and I should leave my relationship with Boo. Boo and I neither want our relationship to end and Boo has explained that she will not end her relationship with me. At this point, Thinker does not want to even hear my name mentioned.

Personally I think you need to step away for a moment and look at this situation with a rational mind, but only regarding YOUR decisions... not HERS. Are you comfortable continuing to involve yourself in an arrangement which she continues to enable?

I agree. Fortunately for us all, circumstances have separated the three of us. Boo had an out of town trip she needed to make, so she has been away from myself and Thinker for nearly a week and will be gone for another week. I think that this time allows us all to get a fresh perspective of the situation. I know from talking to Boo, she is now starting to see that she is enabling his behavior as well and is none too happy about the way she's been treated. At this point, I guess it really is her decision. If she and Thinker can proceed with a "don't ask, don't tell" polyship and it works for them, who am I to say it's wrong? I know it would be wrong for ME to be involved in a that type of arrangement. I want to know what my partner is up to and to stay current with their life.


You love her and are wiling to weather the drama because of that love? That's on you. If you think about it...that'sthe same thing she's doing for him.

[Legal note: if Thought is a custodial parent, legally he can take the child pretty much anywhere without notification and it would still be legal. Still a crapoy thing to do.]

Yeah, I think you're about right on that... If there is one thing that anyone can agree on is that everyone has a different opinion on how poly should look & work. I love her madly, I am willing to stand by her side through anything life throws at her. I know this deep in myself and I have conveyed the same to her. So, I guess until I am told she wants otherwise, I'll deal with the craziness.

(Response to legal note: Thinker is a step-parent, not a biological parent)

I feel for Thinker. Being polyamorous in theory is one thing, but having your wife fall in love with another man, knowing they were making love in your home, then moving said man into the home that he formerly shared with the wife....if Thinker had any small crack in his psyche, I can see how such things might just send him over the edge.

That being said, I found myself feeling sick at his offer to be Boo's "Sugar Daddy," and keep her for sex and companionship. This is his WIFE he's supposed to love and protect her, not degrade and denigrate because he's unhappy with the path their life took together.

I've spent a lot of time talking to Boo about her past history in relationships. One thing I know for sure is that she does have the ability to "bring out the crazy" towards the end of her relationships. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that she loves so "hard" and she gives back 10 fold what she receives. It makes men suffer from abandonment issues with her. She does have a quality about her that makes men want to be selfish (even I've experienced this to an extent).

I have the same opinion of the "Sugar Daddy" situation, with the addition of from (they say the best predictor for the future is the recent past) what I have seen, this very well could be another attempt at manipulation to get her to conform to his desires.

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Everyone here has been very thoughtful and considerate in offering their advice. I truly appreciate everyone's input and I take everything said into consideration. I try to look at this situation as an objective observer, but it can be very hard to do when you are this close to the action.

I will try to keep everyone posted on how things go. I think that this break we have taken from each other (albeit forced) was not a bad thing. It sucks being away from someone you love for a long period of time, but it is good for self-reflection.
 
Well as you can see, opinions vary regarding what you ought to do. I can actually see the points on all the posts that have been posted on this thread, so give it all some careful thought, and decide what you feel is the best decision for you.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I've spent a lot of time talking to Boo about her past history in relationships. One thing I know for sure is that she does have the ability to "bring out the crazy" towards the end of her relationships. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that she loves so "hard" and she gives back 10 fold what she receives. It makes men suffer from abandonment issues with her. She does have a quality about her that makes men want to be selfish (even I've experienced this to an extent).

Be careful. This almost makes it sound like it's her fault that men act this way. Although, to be fair, if she has repeatedly gone from 1000% loving someone to putting on the brakes in 2.5 seconds, their could very well be an issue with how she makes decisions or how she communicates on the way to making a decision.

Hope things work out for you. Update us when you get a chance.
 
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