lafeelicite
New member
Hi all!
I apologize for my english, it is not my mother tongue. But it is the langage we both speak with my bf so it makes sense to be on this forum, I guess
I am divorced and mother of a 3 years old child. I am together with my BF since 8 months. We where first in open relationship, i didn't want strings as I was recently divorced. But we decided to become a couple and I didn't feel anymore the wish to have sex with other partners. Not talking about polyamory, I didn't even know so well the concept.
Our relationship is great: he are very authentic, we can talk about everything, we have a deep mutual respect and love. Sex is also great. Only thing I was concerned without raising so much the subject was his wish to become a father (I want other childrens and a familiy life) and his involvment with my son (they don't speak the same language so it can be tricky).
2 weeks ago, I went to a BBQ on my own and met a stranger. I felt in love with him, wich never happened to me before, specially being already in a relationship (and a great one!)
I have opened my heart to this new person (lets call him Y) and told him that I am in a relationship and very happy. He said he would be open to try poyamoric relationship, not knowing it but open.
I talked to my BF about this crush and that I wanted to be in a relationship with both of them. He reacted greatly, not judging and not throwing his feelings on me... but said it is not for him.
Since then, we had several talks with BF. I decided I don't go for Y. within the next month so we can give each other some time to think if there is space for a solution that would fit for everyone. But since I became obsessed with this. My feelings for BF increased and are enhanced by our talks and sex and the time we have together. It is even becoming quite passionate and i feel a bit too dependant on him (I have this tendancy).
At the same time, I still have Y in my head and I feel I have something to live with him.
I go on individual therapy session and my therapist thought I should ask BF a break to go with Y and confront my fantasy to reality. As I was as well suffering and felt that BF was too (a strong schema in me is being afraid of making the loved one suffer), I followed her idea. BF was away for a few day, we had this talk on phone.
But since then (2 days ago), I was not able to see Y who is busy and I still text with BF and share how much we love each other.
He is coming back tomorrow and we both want to see each other but i don't know what is a good idea. I still want to try something with Y and would like to go for polyamory. I don't want that BF accept that only because it is too much pain to loose our connection. I don't want him to betrail himself and his needs.
Am I thinking wrong somewhere? Do you have any idea / other way to look at the situation that could help me rethink about it?
Thank you very much for reading me and if you can, taking the time to reply. I have been reading this forum since 2 weeks and I think comments are very usefull and respectful
I apologize for my english, it is not my mother tongue. But it is the langage we both speak with my bf so it makes sense to be on this forum, I guess
I am divorced and mother of a 3 years old child. I am together with my BF since 8 months. We where first in open relationship, i didn't want strings as I was recently divorced. But we decided to become a couple and I didn't feel anymore the wish to have sex with other partners. Not talking about polyamory, I didn't even know so well the concept.
Our relationship is great: he are very authentic, we can talk about everything, we have a deep mutual respect and love. Sex is also great. Only thing I was concerned without raising so much the subject was his wish to become a father (I want other childrens and a familiy life) and his involvment with my son (they don't speak the same language so it can be tricky).
2 weeks ago, I went to a BBQ on my own and met a stranger. I felt in love with him, wich never happened to me before, specially being already in a relationship (and a great one!)
I have opened my heart to this new person (lets call him Y) and told him that I am in a relationship and very happy. He said he would be open to try poyamoric relationship, not knowing it but open.
I talked to my BF about this crush and that I wanted to be in a relationship with both of them. He reacted greatly, not judging and not throwing his feelings on me... but said it is not for him.
Since then, we had several talks with BF. I decided I don't go for Y. within the next month so we can give each other some time to think if there is space for a solution that would fit for everyone. But since I became obsessed with this. My feelings for BF increased and are enhanced by our talks and sex and the time we have together. It is even becoming quite passionate and i feel a bit too dependant on him (I have this tendancy).
At the same time, I still have Y in my head and I feel I have something to live with him.
I go on individual therapy session and my therapist thought I should ask BF a break to go with Y and confront my fantasy to reality. As I was as well suffering and felt that BF was too (a strong schema in me is being afraid of making the loved one suffer), I followed her idea. BF was away for a few day, we had this talk on phone.
But since then (2 days ago), I was not able to see Y who is busy and I still text with BF and share how much we love each other.
He is coming back tomorrow and we both want to see each other but i don't know what is a good idea. I still want to try something with Y and would like to go for polyamory. I don't want that BF accept that only because it is too much pain to loose our connection. I don't want him to betrail himself and his needs.
Am I thinking wrong somewhere? Do you have any idea / other way to look at the situation that could help me rethink about it?
Thank you very much for reading me and if you can, taking the time to reply. I have been reading this forum since 2 weeks and I think comments are very usefull and respectful