Sanitarium86
New member
Hi there,
New member first post, go easy.
So I've been doing my research and A LOT of people pointed folks in similar situations to this site. So here I am.
Anyway, down to business.
My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years that I wouldn't trade the entire world for. I absolutely love this woman, she's my everything. Alas though it seems either we have hit a low point or I just don't do it for her anymore, but I'll get to that later, a little backstory first.
When we first moved away from our respective family homesteads, I was the carefree happy go lucky side of the relationship, tethered only by what I chose to be. I encouraged us to go on trips we could barely afford, have impromptu nights out during the week and so forth, the world was our oyster and I was game for whatever whim flew through hers or my head. Then reality started kicking in, either her demeanor changed or mine did, but we both grew up and locked ourselves down to the daily grind, paying bills, limiting trips, and not really ever going out, in fact over the last year I've withdrawn from public settings to the point that it even bugs me.
Well my fiancé decided about 2 years ago to start going out with "friends" and visiting "co-workers", and I was fine with this, then in the last 6 months she has been with two other men, and we're still together. Like I said I wouldn't trade what we have for the world, so I forgave her on both counts.
Now for the gut check.
She came out and plainly admitted to being with another guy last week (this was number two in the last six months). Again I decided to swallow the normal macho pride and somewhat forgive her for this. We've had a few long conversations about the situation. And it seems while she wants to be with me, and says she loves only me, these guys are a "power trip"(my word) and she just likes to feel wanted.(I think she can feel wanted without actually committing to the follow through)
So now we're in an odd situation, we both have way to much going on at work to discuss this any further for a couple weeks. But in the interim we've decided that she can have ,a stable if you will, a few guy friends that this is okay with. Personally I would be more comfortable with threesomes, but she has expressed that this would be something she would have to be comfortable with the other guy one on one with first.
She has encouraged me to get out there and find me a few women that I can have on the side, but to be honest I'm not interested in that. Like I said I have withdrawn quite dramatically in the last year, not to mention I don't have the time or the patience to woo another woman.
The other issue, we've had a threesome with one of her exes from high school before. It seemed to turn out well enough. And one last thing, as much as my logical mind fights it, the thought of her pawing at another guy the way she used to with me kind of turns me on. Make no mistake we have a health sex life, but I feel like the "danger" and "intrigue" isn't there anymore, that "am I gonna get it or not" feeling, there's no tension to break anymore.
In the end I guess I'm really not asking what to do. I guess I'm venting. But I do have several questions.
Should I go out with her and her "stock" occasionally?
Even though I don't want to should I try to find someone "on the side"?
How often is to often for her to text and speak to her "stock"?
And so forth, I was raised a strict southern baptist so you can imagine that literally ALL OF THIS is brand new and very perplexing to me, especially adding it to stress I'm dealing with at work.
Thanks for reading this damned wall. And any input is good input.
New member first post, go easy.
So I've been doing my research and A LOT of people pointed folks in similar situations to this site. So here I am.
Anyway, down to business.
My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years that I wouldn't trade the entire world for. I absolutely love this woman, she's my everything. Alas though it seems either we have hit a low point or I just don't do it for her anymore, but I'll get to that later, a little backstory first.
When we first moved away from our respective family homesteads, I was the carefree happy go lucky side of the relationship, tethered only by what I chose to be. I encouraged us to go on trips we could barely afford, have impromptu nights out during the week and so forth, the world was our oyster and I was game for whatever whim flew through hers or my head. Then reality started kicking in, either her demeanor changed or mine did, but we both grew up and locked ourselves down to the daily grind, paying bills, limiting trips, and not really ever going out, in fact over the last year I've withdrawn from public settings to the point that it even bugs me.
Well my fiancé decided about 2 years ago to start going out with "friends" and visiting "co-workers", and I was fine with this, then in the last 6 months she has been with two other men, and we're still together. Like I said I wouldn't trade what we have for the world, so I forgave her on both counts.
Now for the gut check.
She came out and plainly admitted to being with another guy last week (this was number two in the last six months). Again I decided to swallow the normal macho pride and somewhat forgive her for this. We've had a few long conversations about the situation. And it seems while she wants to be with me, and says she loves only me, these guys are a "power trip"(my word) and she just likes to feel wanted.(I think she can feel wanted without actually committing to the follow through)
So now we're in an odd situation, we both have way to much going on at work to discuss this any further for a couple weeks. But in the interim we've decided that she can have ,a stable if you will, a few guy friends that this is okay with. Personally I would be more comfortable with threesomes, but she has expressed that this would be something she would have to be comfortable with the other guy one on one with first.
She has encouraged me to get out there and find me a few women that I can have on the side, but to be honest I'm not interested in that. Like I said I have withdrawn quite dramatically in the last year, not to mention I don't have the time or the patience to woo another woman.
The other issue, we've had a threesome with one of her exes from high school before. It seemed to turn out well enough. And one last thing, as much as my logical mind fights it, the thought of her pawing at another guy the way she used to with me kind of turns me on. Make no mistake we have a health sex life, but I feel like the "danger" and "intrigue" isn't there anymore, that "am I gonna get it or not" feeling, there's no tension to break anymore.
In the end I guess I'm really not asking what to do. I guess I'm venting. But I do have several questions.
Should I go out with her and her "stock" occasionally?
Even though I don't want to should I try to find someone "on the side"?
How often is to often for her to text and speak to her "stock"?
And so forth, I was raised a strict southern baptist so you can imagine that literally ALL OF THIS is brand new and very perplexing to me, especially adding it to stress I'm dealing with at work.
Thanks for reading this damned wall. And any input is good input.