Greetings all.
I have recently, to my own shock and amazement, discovered that I am a poly.
As part of my spiritual awakening, I have been able to deal with my moral boundaries and am confident of my ability to live a non-traditional lifestyle in that regard.
I have adult children who are aware of the situation, and a long distance "primary" relationship with an amazing, available woman who accepts that my other relationship (to a married woman - also her first poly relationship) pre-dates ours and she has come into the situation "eyes open". She does, however, feel that my continued love for my other partner is due to her inability to satisfy my "needs".
I have assure her that this is not the case, and that, had we been together before I fell in love with No1, I would probably never have even considered polyamory. We are discussing the possibility of my moving to be with her, but she has recently confessed that she would only want that outcome if we were to become exclusive. She is not a poly.
How do polys here deal with a primary partner who is monogamous and only accepting of the situation because they have to be? We share the same spiritual beliefs regarding love not constituting ownership, but she just doesn't want to share me, and I am truly grateful for her honesty. I just do not know if I am prepared to sacrifice my relationship with No1.
I have, to no avail, referred her to several articles on "compersion" which helped me overcome my own initial jealousy with No1. Ironically, No1 has started to attract attention from other men and mainly on the basis of her already limited available time, I am, once again, experiencing my own jealousy in that relationship.
That brings me to the issue of disclosure.
I have asked No1 not to tell me about her other relationships.
I feel that the acknowledgement of the open nature of the relationship is enough to constitute "ethical polyamory" without being forced to choke up and re-swallow the "red pill" on a daily basis (reference from the film "The Matrix"). She has a MAJOR issue with this, as she believes it is an indication that I am not fully accepting of the situation. I have admitted that my jealousy is, indeed MY problem, but asked her to be mindful of my feelings.
Every time we have a disagreement, her default position is "I don't think this is good for you", to which my response is "if you want to end it, then end it ... stop using "inception" on me to avoid the responsibility".
I would greatly appreciate some guidance at this part of my "way".
Namaste
I have recently, to my own shock and amazement, discovered that I am a poly.
As part of my spiritual awakening, I have been able to deal with my moral boundaries and am confident of my ability to live a non-traditional lifestyle in that regard.
I have adult children who are aware of the situation, and a long distance "primary" relationship with an amazing, available woman who accepts that my other relationship (to a married woman - also her first poly relationship) pre-dates ours and she has come into the situation "eyes open". She does, however, feel that my continued love for my other partner is due to her inability to satisfy my "needs".
I have assure her that this is not the case, and that, had we been together before I fell in love with No1, I would probably never have even considered polyamory. We are discussing the possibility of my moving to be with her, but she has recently confessed that she would only want that outcome if we were to become exclusive. She is not a poly.
How do polys here deal with a primary partner who is monogamous and only accepting of the situation because they have to be? We share the same spiritual beliefs regarding love not constituting ownership, but she just doesn't want to share me, and I am truly grateful for her honesty. I just do not know if I am prepared to sacrifice my relationship with No1.
I have, to no avail, referred her to several articles on "compersion" which helped me overcome my own initial jealousy with No1. Ironically, No1 has started to attract attention from other men and mainly on the basis of her already limited available time, I am, once again, experiencing my own jealousy in that relationship.
That brings me to the issue of disclosure.
I have asked No1 not to tell me about her other relationships.
I feel that the acknowledgement of the open nature of the relationship is enough to constitute "ethical polyamory" without being forced to choke up and re-swallow the "red pill" on a daily basis (reference from the film "The Matrix"). She has a MAJOR issue with this, as she believes it is an indication that I am not fully accepting of the situation. I have admitted that my jealousy is, indeed MY problem, but asked her to be mindful of my feelings.
Every time we have a disagreement, her default position is "I don't think this is good for you", to which my response is "if you want to end it, then end it ... stop using "inception" on me to avoid the responsibility".
I would greatly appreciate some guidance at this part of my "way".
Namaste