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Old 01-09-2018, 02:36 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Seinneann View Post
Is someone who got a cold from their work colleague "unclean" or are they only unclean if they got that cold from having sex with their partner? Infections get transmitted between people all the time in a variety of ways, but I find it interesting that we only feel the need to use terms like "clean" when those infections happen to be transmitted as a result of two people having sexual contact. The language you are using is loaded with a lot of sex-negativity and shame and quite honestly, I know of no doctors or scientists who work in infectious diseases who would use such terms.
There are two different discussion here and putting them together is causing conflict.

1) if you have a condition that can be transmitted to another person and you don't disclose it when you come into contact with them, you are being a jerk. The degree of jerk is determined by intensity of the condition and the length of time they will have to live with it. Spreading the common cold is less jerky than spreading the flu, but it's still poor form.

2) Using the word "clean" is outdated. While there can be a non-judgy connotation, it then labels someone with a condition "unclean" whether intentional or not.
Me: 43 straight male in a V with
Kay - mono female - married 20 years
Txgirl - 2 year relationship
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Old 01-09-2018, 03:00 PM
SEASONEDpolyAgain SEASONEDpolyAgain is offline
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 87

Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
I'm glad that our mods let us adults have our discussions and for the most part let us sort things out. The term "clean" was used and several people have explained in detail why that word is not a good choice anymore. You say it's an isolating and offensive term. I say it's archaic. Let's discuss it more if need be (although I think the points have already been made) but please, let's not nanny-state this community. We are intelligent, caring and articulate adults who keep up this place very well with mostly peer regulation. Thank you to our mods for not stepping in over this.
Personally I see referring to someone with an STI as unclean in the same light I see someone calling someone else a derogatory racial term - completely unacceptable. If someone used the n word to refer to someone black, I would not call that "interesting" or politely counter their points. It's not a valid viewpoint and should be shut down as such.
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:30 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Location: Long Island, NY
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Originally Posted by SEASONEDpolyAgain View Post
It's not a valid viewpoint and should be shut down as such.
And so it seems to have been - by the capable and well spoken adults who are participating in this discussion.
~ Karen
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Old 01-09-2018, 11:56 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
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Originally Posted by PolyNatural View Post
[SIZE="3"][FONT="Arial"] Varying statistical outcomes based on measurable factual information that provide specific numbers based on the scientific method are not subjective. Subjectivity in medicine happens when patients are asked subjective questions like, "How do you feel?", not when studies show a pathogen and the means by which it is transmitted. Having an STD is not a subjective opinion. The means of transmission is not a subjective opinion. That others can get an STD via the STD's method of transmission is not a subjective opinion.
PolyNatural, it is probably useless to argue with you, but I will try, because you don't seem to understand what the rest of us are talking about.

Sure, it's an objective fact if someone has been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection (although there can be both false positives and false negatives for some). And sure, how infections are transmitted is objective science (although just because an infection CAN be transmitted does not mean it HAS been transmitted).

But when people assess STI risk, they are taking those facts and making subjective decisions about it. (That's what the OP on this thread is talking about, anyway). If they meet someone who says, "I am tested X times per year for X/Y/Z, I was negative on my last test which was X months ago, I have had X partners since then, I use (or do not use) barriers for intercourse but I have unprotected oral sex, etc..." it is up to each individual to decide what level of risk is right for them and their situation. There isn't one objective analysis that will fit every person. I am not sure why this is hard for you to understand?
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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Old 01-12-2018, 09:47 AM
Marvelgirl Marvelgirl is offline
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 39

I don't really encounter this because I refuse to explain myself to anyone I'm not in a relationship with. If it's no, then it's no. The end. If they demand me to justify telling them no then I see them as a garbage person and I move on and forget about them. It's just rude and entitled behavior. They aren't entitled to me.
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Old 01-13-2018, 03:34 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 943

Orlando, your concerns are perfectly valid. Your body your choice. You are entitled to take any and all precautions with your health that you like. And you're not obligated to sleep with anybody. Who cares what anybody thinks of your decision not to sleep with them. Are they worried about your opinion of them for being so pushy?
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:20 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,466

Originally Posted by SEASONEDpolyAgain View Post
I agree wholeheartedly and I'm disappointed that the moderators would permit such isolating and offensive language.
The mods don't read everything. If you believe something breaks the rules, report the post using the button at the top right-hand corner.
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Old 02-03-2018, 03:21 AM
libertinelover libertinelover is offline
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 12

Getting back to the original topic...

Do you find it easy to let go of negative opinions about you knowing you can't change their mind?
I find it ridiculously hard to let go of negative opinions of me in any context, even of strangers - perhaps especially them as I don't get the chance to change their mind. I know it's silly but I don't really know how to not care.

I have also found some people to get very defensive and seem to feel very insulted by the idea that I want to use condoms. It actually became a huge emotionally laden issue with a couple who have been my friends for years, when we got involved sexually. They (particularly he) seemed to take it as a personal insult that I would want to use a condom with him to eliminate any risk but more importantly to adhere to the agreed terms of my open marriage.
So, yeah, definitely a hot button emotional issue with some people.
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