Hello from Asia

Re:
"Watching is for voyeurs! What kind of a pervert do you think I am!?!"

Ah, so you admit you're a perv. ;)
 
Lady Jane

My Dear Lady Jane,

Since I had my bottom spanked a bit in another thread and one of my testicles removed, in hopes of delaying my execution, I feel move our little side bar to a new threat might raise the moderator's eye and have him katana in hand as it were.

Given that this is My Introduction, we hope we shall be given a slight bit more latitude.

I think because of the spelling of your name, one might assume you are from what we Yanks refer to as the other side of the pond. I am currently in one of your more recently abandoned colonies, I believe known as Inja.

So as sleep was taking me or perhaps the peacock on my roof's plaintive cry was bringing me up, I had a bit of a Monty Python, well perhaps more John Cleese going on and I'd do have a few scripts running in the old bean, don't you know.

I think your opening " I'm barren" is a solid line and should not be abandoned.

Now these are gender specific, and I did notice you had a rather modest horde of polys at your residence, so I wonder are you Out? I mean this could likely work even if in, sort allow you to put a toe in the water as it were.

To the male, the follow up was/is (?) ( such a thorny language English)

We thought is was John's shooter for the longest time. So being the dear that he is he so thoughtfully brought in a substitute to the field if play. Well a few, if the truth be told. I really thought they were putting together a side for Ruby, especially when they asked me to join the scrum. One memorable one was a strapping young man from his office, who was most enthusiastic, great big long hard thrusts and all. He also was most generously proportioned. So even though no positive results were achieved, he did provide a number of good months of exquisite optimism. Though I must say participating in the scrums was a real eye opener. I am thinking of fielding a team of my own.

But alas, once we learned it was me, though one of our doctors did say Johnny's little fellows seemed a bit lazy in the pool and didn't appear to be focused on their goal. I feel, however, fairs fair and all. So....

I can't help but notice your daughter Cynthia over there. She is of age as I recall. And as I was looking at her magnificent hips, which at least to me, seem to be crying out, put one up the shute. I mean if there is a better girl meant for breeding, I have not made her acquaintance. Would you mind if I checked her teeth?

And I being an eternal optimist, feel perhaps God might just have a miracle in his game book for me. And it has been ever so long since Johnny pulled the rocket from his pocket or at least pointed it in my direction and I am feeling in the need of a good push. Perhaps you and I could just step around the end of the house.

Do you need to ask Margret's permission? Or perhaps you would like me to. We ladies do seem to be so much better at sorting out all ins and outs on the social arrangement front.

If you'd like to bring a few mates along, I would not be unreceptive to their advances.
**************
That should produce some interesting results.

I do so admire you Brits for realizing what twits you are and outsource the whole King Queen thing to the Germans, though Charlie did have a rather weak chin, if I do say. Still his brood mare did seem to bring a bit of chin back into the bloodline and now with that Pippy Longstocking the young Prince picked, it seems the whole bloodline is back on the royal rails.

I do so hope you find my concept of value.

I shall turtle my head, in hopes of escaping the Moderator's most fearsome blow.

Your most humble (well yes call it poetic license) servant (again as an embracer of paradox, I know I only take whip in hand to serve the needs of masochists. We do not wish to be thought of as in any way sexually deviant)
 
Re:


Ah, so you admit you're a perv. ;)

We would not go so far as to admit such a thing. After all Debbie did say she thought I was a straight arrow, in my defense.

I will admit from time to time a stray thought might have worked its way in. I thought it was just the results of a CIA/microwave experimental transmission.

And of course, I am such a soft touch. I mean when the young lady said she wanted to ride the pony and can't I have a puppy, I went right out and got her a Shetland. She picked the Great Dane, not I, sir. And take umbrage at your insinuations that we might be anything other and a devout practitioner.
 
a devout practitioner.

Of what you might ask, but that is too complex an answer. Leave it said, We are (yes that is the Royal We) and quite devout in our practitioning, ie we do not do this causally, but with deep religious and spiritual conviction.
 
You seem like a great spiritual guru and a purveyor of Shetland ponies. Your picture is reassuring and I think that your hands are probably poised in an attitude of meditation and prayer.

Re (from Dickdomin):
"Given that this is My Introduction, we hope we shall be given a slight bit more latitude."

From what I've experienced in the past, being the starter of the thread does buy you some latitude. (Now watch me be wrong. Gulp.) It also helps if all the thread participants get that we're just horsing around at least half the time. If someone misses the twisted humor and gets offended, that's when the mods get contacted and they intervene.

And I am guessing that for the moment, everyone on this thread gets that it's pretty much for fun, so I think we're safe for now. And it is, after all, relatively speaking, your thread, so you should indeed get a bit or three more latitude. I hope so, because I greatly desire to be entertained. We don't always get to be entertained on Polyamory.com; things get so serious most of the time ...

Re (from Dickdomin):
"Debbie did say she thought I was a straight arrow, in my defense."

I just hope she checked and got empirical confirmation of that fact!

I have to sympathize though. Arrowheads tend to really chafe the various orifices, so I'm thinking that whenever your arrow comes to light, your playmate probably gets cold feet. Which probably really -- um, cuts (sneeds?) -- into your social life. On the bright side, no one can accuse you of having ED.

Oh and you probably go through pants at a good clip, so, that's an expense you have to consider.

"Good God man, someone shot you in the behind with an arrow and it went right through."

"Oh no no no no, this is just Mr. Happy a.k.a. the straight arrow. I've had him from a little tyke."

"Oh, how tedious. Some tea, my dear fellow?"

"Thank you my good man. But would you have any Grey Poopoo?"

"But of course."

Re:
"I will admit from time to time a stray thought might have worked its way in. I thought it was just the results of a CIA/microwave experimental transmission."

Dammit! Don't you know it's unsafe to take off your tinfoil hat? This is why perving is on the rise in our great nation, because of those damned CIA/microwave experiments. And I just know that Obama is behind it! (What he's doing back there, I don't know, but I know he's doing something.)
 
Tinfoil? Have you priced tin lately pure aluminum

You seem like a great spiritual guru and a purveyor of Shetland ponies. Your picture is reassuring and I think that your hands are probably poised in an attitude of meditation and prayer.

Very old school guru those hand poses and putting shit on your forehead to show you are a devotee.

My guru ing, ( do note the nifty auto correct giving us the split verb and mantra all in one ) like my therapy is best described as Gestalt with whips.
The whips are not used to punish or diminish, but to pour energy into someone until the damn holding back all the bullshit breaks.

The gestalt part is sort pulling the finger out of the dyke (Martha that is the Dutch spelling. I was NOT talking about you. Besides how would you know If I pulled out my Finger yes dear go ride the pony. Yes you can use the under slung saddle be careful of your dress! Martha! I did not say rip it off and leave on the kitchen floor! Oh girls these days. When I was young all we had was church and the priests giving us lollipops, yes those ones with the cream surprise.) she is so much like the old joke. I'm tight! Put your right hand in. Ok now your left hand. Now try to clap. See what did I tell you tight.


we're just horsing around at least half the time. If someone misses the twisted humor and gets offended, that's when the mods get contacted and they intervene.

First that is a pony. It is Debbie's thread which is discussing stallions and horse' anatomy. Little too much yodeling on your part I think.

BTW she has written me offline and we are having a fine time. I was going to say like peas in a pod, but maybe more key in a slot. Yeah the whole arrow thing, I am much more ergonomic ally designed. < auto cor though I'll really know it has set it right when it gives you a bit of Latin like ergo nomic Allie (refer to Malibu and Barbies next door neighbor, who is always pulling down Ken's pants and looking for the dangly parts. And Barbie has to lend her her Hot pink angora Great Dane Fruitzel.)

Folks reading my thread, and get offended, Is common sense like Out the door-off the table, hey don't read it? Or do the mods give enemas? Or are we moving to close to infringing on watersports dot cum all things anal?

And I am guessing that for the moment, everyone on this thread gets that it's pretty much for fun,
Hey wait a second! I'm being serious. Sirius I mean I was really looking for a more mature older woman to go unicorn hunting with.

Just because I made a few mildly amusing statements doesn't mean people have some goddamned blanket permission to laugh!

You in the back, get that butt plug back in (I should have preserved what autocorrect just did to butta lug well there you go but that is sounding like Eubonics to me. Check your Dutch will you?)

If the Mods pull out their collective Katana, I am pointing the finger at autocorrect. I do hope they cremated Steve Jobs, because otherwise his grave spin velocity would have us way past gravitational field distortion. Capt I think I see a wormhole forming. no Scotty that is just Dickdomin' autocorrect setting off Steve again.


We don't always get to be entertained on Polyamory.com; things get so serious most of the time ...

I know. I've been on other sites like this in the past and some of the BDSM sites. I think the problem is just like poor Baby Jesus when the Republicans adopted him as their new front man. Hitler was such a douche with the leather and the high boots, but the core snuck out they sent some decoys to South America, but the real hard core guys can to the good old USA. I mean good loyal American like Dr Werner von Braun.

The adopting baby jesus was pure genius.

Poly/BDSM trying to go so mainstream Martha Stewart all PC.

"And now for an interesting thing you can do with these Clear plastic Butt plugs. I use my apple corer to hollow it out. Then and put water soluble anal lube and the oil based anal lube. Now the food coloring dyes I use well you can find them in Kmart on the Martha aisle. Now the led light and you see when I shove up my producer Bob's ass, isn't he just a charming fellow. But see look how it lights up his tummy! Few Christmas ornament hanging off his balls plus my new line of self piercing nipple ornaments, yes all at Kmart and he's all ready to go on the front lawn."

Though it might be that the Mods have mostly been taken over by undercover FBI and those who used to be nice well miniature microwaves. You do know angry birds was made by the CIA app division. And you just do not want to know about candy crush, but huge money maker. It almost completely paid for their splendid work if Afgahanistan and Iraq. With how prescient they are, I do not know why they don't open a physic hotline, and with the peace and harmony they have generated, well it just screams Yoga meditation stores in every mall coast to coast.

Maybe we need to but the Virgin Mary in the branding. That would haul in some Right wingers.

Dammit! Don't you know it's unsafe to take off your tinfoil hat?

And now to the serious part, so wipe that smile. There has not been a shred of tinfoil since the Limeys lost Inja.

The price of tin is so high that bit coin needed to be developed. They couldn't even get a patina on a slug and make a nickle for under eighty bucks each! You think this national debt is about teaching yoga in Iraq? God no man, they are hiding the cost overruns on nickel (the coin, god you get as confused as Martha when she is riding her pony faster Bobo faster! I mean the damned monkey is named Bobo. Who the hell would name a Shetland pony Bobo. OK I have drifted slightly off topic, but less than a degree of latitude, by Bobo fanabanana calculator. Ignore the CIA sticker it is a Chinese knock off. Like your going to give a monkey a real CIA calculator. He'll you'd wake up in the morning with a group of Republicans sitting around your dining room table. No not the breakfast nook. Look 9 goes into 27 3 times. Nine guys. I don't know where the extra chairs come from, but has happened enough times, yes nine guys in suit, same tie, same hat voting straight party line. Do you think George Bush is an actual human? Looked at the ears, look at the slightly crossed van can't eyes. No I am not sure he came from my calculator, but it am saying...straight party line vote )

I just know that Obama is behind it! (What he's doing back there, I don't know, but I know he's doing something.)

That sentence is grammatically incorrect. Oh I can hear the You Grammar Nazi, but if we leave it uncorrected. It (which really needs a proper noun to refer to first) is Up Obama's behind.

Do you SEE any aluminum foil? (aluminium to you twits across the pond. I know total twits, hired a German to do the whole King Queen thing almost wound up with Charlie for a King! Though I must say Di as brood mare did just a splendid job. )

OMG!!! We could do a Di IS the Virgin Mary throw in the Arab we got the Muslims, the blonde hair on her we coopt the whole Ayran things. I mean the Muslims are half on board with the twelve wives stuff. I know like ten guys could satisfy one woman much less twelve, but they've got a start on the whole poly thing.

Flogging Jesus in the streets!

I think we've got ourselves a total Martha Stewart. Will change the name to Kristian mart out it in Muslim mall dress all the greeters in black silk mini nun habits with six in come fucke me pumps. We got a total iPhone here.

Rule the world. Within a few years those poor slobs with only One husband or One wife will be apologizing and shuffle into the gangbang arcade.

Well I feel I done a good serious days work, see how the serendipity works brick of gold right out of the assholes ass and someone had the temerity to say I was demented.

I wasn't looking carefully probably that kdt26471 one of those Chinese hack clones. I mean I heard after you they broke the mold so any number past 26417, got to be a knockoff.

Ok I gotta run. Great Dane is barking at the pony and Martha's laugh is getting a bit demented.

Well all the problems in the world solved for the next millennia I feel pretty good.
 
Re:
"Very old school guru those hand poses and putting shit on your forehead to show you are a devotee."

Oh I get it, kind of like getting smeared with ash for Ash Wednesday. (Only better. Stronger. Faster.) I took the dog out today and she went #2 so I missed an opportunity.

I'll take your word on the whips, I am a softcore wimp and only like my coffee in the form of ice cream.

Who's Martha, and how did she get in here? Is she Dutch or Norwegian? Can she describe the sound of one hand clapping? How are her housekeeping skills?

Oh right, we're just ponying around. That is, leading a horse from another horse. Now I may be yodeling around, but that would be off-topic.

By the way, what is the topic? Can we start a new thread in the Fireplace called, "The Thread with No Topic?" Then it will be invulnerable to our hijacking efforts.

Re:
"Yeah the whole arrow thing, I am much more ergonomic ally designed."

You're designed to be an ally of more ergonomics? and you speak Latin too?

Re: the rules-versus-fun dilemma ... it is fun to have fun but I hope I won't receive a mod enema if you get my meaning. Which is why I'm taking it down a notch, and I'll be laying awake at night wondering if I should take it down a few hundred notches. Polyamory.com is primarily designed to service polyamorists and the people who love them, and the subject material is often very touchy. It is hard to open up a funhouse on Polyamory.com, and in fact that's why I suggest a Fireplace thread (in all Siriusness). I'm willing to create that thread myself if you're interested; just let me know.

Re:
"I was really looking for a more mature older woman to go unicorn hunting with."

Now you're trying to get an enema, and not just from the mods. :)

Re: butta lug ... is probably more comfortable than a butta plug which is why your autocorrect fixed that for you.

Who's Steve, and is he related to Scotty?

I am impressed with your Kmart shopping skills.

Thank you for correcting my Obama sentence (though now I can't tell what it says). The point is, there's a behind involved here somewhere.

Re:
"Flogging Jesus in the streets!"

Whll why are you doing that? Stop it immediately, or I swear I'll vote Republican! (and I'll wear a tie. Somewhere.)

You're not very nice to Jesus, you mean person you. Unless that was an expletive. (And just remember: mean people suck.)

My name is kdt26417 -- no more, no less. Thou shalt not take my number 26417 in vain.
 
Oh I get it, kind of like getting smeared with ash for Ash Wednesday. (Only better. Stronger. Faster.) I took the dog out today and she went #2 so I missed an opportunity.

I take it you've never been to Inja. Well they speak like 12 official languages and have more religions and gods than Malibu beach has grains of sand, but No Baby Jesus, though the do have Coca Cola, so I'm hoping. I have seen some things with crosses, maybe Baby Jesus discos, but the little bicycle man did not understand my English and I tried all the words I knew in All 12 languages, which was five or maybe six. He did drop me at a great coffee shop. They have sacred cows here. I think if I could find a MacDonalds I could get a righteous burger.

But they have people with white big gobs a stuff and yellow stripe some side to side some up and down. I think it might be like the gays with the hanky right-left pocket color coded which I think they got from the navy, who might be related to the gays, because you always here them shouting there she blows (not a single girl in sight) and shiver me timbers, which I think might either be a hand job or describing metaphorically when the stuff shoots out of whatever that thing is down there. (Mommy and daddy said mind your own business, which I was I mean the lemonade stand had priests lined up around the block and Mrs Simpson stopped by like fifty times and then said she had to take a pee and peed into the lemonade, but it was ok because I was running low and it was the same color and I figured it was mostly lemonade. And then Mr. Simpson came by and had like three cups and said I made the best lemonade and Dick the mailman had two and asked if Mrs Simpson had been by. He drinks lemonade like his is sipping fine wine. Mommy calls him Big Dick and says he really knows how to deliver the mail. He does that upstairs, so I never get to see his mail delivery)

Also the colored Hankies and the flags the navy uses, make me wonder. I googled navy gay and only got some disco group and lots of reference to YMCA which we all know is a Christian group so... I'm not sure.

Who's Martha, and how did she get in here? Can she describe the sound of one hand clapping? How are her housekeeping skills?

I don't really know she said something about Stew and Art.
I don't know about her describing, but when I watch her with the pony and dog, I get to hear this sound, so I'm ok.

She does keep and collect houses! How did you know are you like psychic?

By the way, what is the topic?

I thought I was just introducing myself. I did get in one of the guidelines but got this old geezer with a donkey, took my into the. Grand Canyon, but they fell off the road thingee.

My second guide was Çherree. She's from where fries come from. She took me straight to Malibu Barbie.s house. There was a kicky party (I didn't see anyone kick anything) and they didn't say anything about topics. Did I get in the wrong line?

Who's Steve, and is he related to Scotty?
Steve sells fruit, actually only Apples. But made a phone. I liked it, but then I downloaded the Transformer's app and now it just sits on my desk changing into different things. which is cool, but I can't make a call, though calls come in. And random music plays.

Scotty is a guy who does beaming and something about stars and Trekking which sounds confusing to me.

You're not very nice to Jesus, you mean person you.

I didn't do nothing to Jesus. I saw this movie and they were flogging him while he walked in the streets. I asked my sister about it and she told me her boyfriend likes her to do that to him. So probably he's like a real devout Christian.

I think she is too, because she has this nun's habit she wears sometimes. There are guys lined up at the door to her bedroom. And she told me they were really giving it to her. So maybe she was listening to them confess or maybe she was giving or taking holy communion.

My mom and dad won't explain it. I mean I'm over forty, but they say I'm still too young.

That thing you said about taking your name in vain, is that like the needles my daddy puts in his arm?

How should I take it? Do you think mommy could mix it in the soapy water she uses when she gives me an enema?

I'd ask my sister, just she's in her room in her nun's habit. man I've never seen such a line of guys holding hundred dollar bills.

My lemonade stand does well, but this religion business sounds like a real winner. Our accountant says she does not to pay taxes at all.
 
IN THE NAVY
(you can sail the seven seas)

but I always thought it was

IN THE FUTURE
(you can sail the seven seas)
OF THE COMPUTER?
IN DA CONFOOTER?
OF DA COMPOOTER.
YES OF DA 'POOTER.
etc. etc. ad lib (some of that was in Dutch)

Re:
"They have sacred cows here. I think if I could find a McDonalds I could get a righteous burger."

Actually that would be called a *McRighteous* burger.

Re:
"And then Mr. Simpson came by and had like three cups and said I made the best lemonade and Dick the mailman had two and asked if Mrs Simpson had been by."

LOLOL, oh that is not good.

Re:
"Mommy calls him Big Dick and says he really knows how to deliver the mail."

That's called a special delivery. A verrrrry special delivery. It's like certified mail only Mommy signs on the mailman himself.

Re:
"She does keep and collect houses! How did you know are you like psychic?"

I am but that is top secret information and the only way you could have found out is if you are like psychic. Two psychics?? I don't know if I can handle that.

Re:
"There was a kicky party (I didn't see anyone kick anything) and they didn't say anything about topics. Did I get in the wrong line?"

I couldn't answer that, y'see, I'm not kicky. Completely burnella, y'see. Though I have never actually burned Ella, at least not without getting her permission first. Or her forgiveness later, on my off days.

Re:
"My mom and dad won't explain it. I mean I'm over forty, but they say I'm still too young."

What they mean is, it's none of your f'ing business! (Quote. Unquote.)

"Mom, Dad, is your bed haunted? It keeps thumping at night. And I hear a ghost moaning."

None of your f'ing business! (etc. etc.)

Re:
"How should I take it? Do you think Mommy could mix it in the soapy water she uses when she gives me an enema?"

Yes. That is the proper way to take it. (And you can really take it.) And remember, waste not. Recycle it.

Re:
"I'd ask my sister, just she's in her room in her nun's habit. man I've never seen such a line of guys holding hundred dollar bills."

Ummm, pay the money no mind, it's just what they have to pay as part of their penance. (Have you any idea how much jesus' solid tin diapers cost?? let alone the soiled tin diapers, and they don't even reuse those.)

Now that's it for now ...
Now thou shalt not take *my* name in thy vein ...
Kevin Kevin Kevin Kevin Kevin Kevin Kevin Kevin.
 
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