I guess it's been a long time since I posted here.
The mental illness certainly hasn't gone away. The stress of the divorce, poor health, and losing nearly all of my income and stability have changed me into a different person. I feel like the cloud that hides just a little bit over my shoulder most days will become permanent. Yes, there is medication and yes there is a counselor... but nothing keeps that cloud away for long.
Henry and I are still together. Jennifer and I had our relationship evolve slowly into more of a close friendship and become less romantic. Not without some tears, but we are still in each other's lives and fairly close.
My divorce became final nearly three years after this whole mess started- last month. I got screwed. Whoever says that women with children always win forgets that massive income disparity can create some pretty shitty imbalances.
Henry also suffers from some pretty substantial mental illness as well as physical disabilities. We're quite the pair so far, aren't we?
I don't know how I would have made it through all this without him. He's seen me at my worst, and that's pretty bad.
I love him and appreciate him more than I could ever say. I asked him to marry me, in a big public embarrassing proposal with a photographer to capture his reaction. He cried.
We're still going to be poly. But we're going to commit to each other. I don't see anything wrong with that.
I shared these thoughts on another thread in reply to a comment
"Honestly in this day and age there is no real need for marriage beyond protecting assets."
See, now this I don't agree with. It's all in how you view it. I'm still a hopeless romantic and I believe that marriage means that you are promising to commit to someone forever, through the rough times and the smooth. The legal stuff? To me, that's the gravy. And I say that as a recent divorcee of a ten year marriage.
My divorce was ugly but I can't shake the idealism. I think there is something to be said for making that commitment to want to be with someone for that length of time; not just as long as it's convenient or things are good or whatnot. And absolutely, you can feel that way without being married, but to me, it just feels different. To make that promise in front of the people who care about you- it's just a ritual, but I believe it's full of meaning.
The last thing I want is to slag other people's way of life; but I have interacted with a lot of people who identify as solo poly and I know that the way that at least these particular people practice isn't a lifestyle I can embrace. It's pretty much the opposite of what I want. I want to have someone who is always on my side, even when they don't agree with me. I want a partner to build a life with together because we are better when we share our resources. I think that people give up too easily on relationships nowadays; when a new person is only a swipe away, why bother to stick it out and fix the problems? I feel that the pendulum has swung too far from people never getting divorced, to people breaking up over nothing. And I feel when you've really got some skin in the game that it motivates you to work harder to solve your problems and make it work together. No relationship is ever going to be perfect.
At the same time, I want us both to still have the freedom to interact and connect with other people in whatever way we choose within the boundaries that we've negotiated. I don't believe love has to be exclusionary, and that we should be able to pursue love or sex or play or whatever combination of those that makes us happy.
I don't think that those have to be mutually exclusive concepts. Yes, I'm aware that we are actively pursuing a hierarchy, as no other relationship will receive equal benefits legally. I'm okay with that; I don't feel that I have enough resources to devote to another primary level relationship, frankly- and my partner feels the same. It's not merely a question of emotions even when you're dating monogamously- I've seen that over and over. It's what you are willing to put into a relationship. So I don't consider myself to be open to another relationship of the level where uneven legal issues is even a concern. And as long as I'm clear in my communication with any potential partner where those limits lie, I don't think I'm being unethical in any way. Different types of connections don't have to be "less", in my opinion. They're just different.
To be honest though I was taken aback by the commentary on how "anti-poly" it is for two single poly people to get married and to plan to continue being poly. Not necessarily here, but in general.
The mental illness certainly hasn't gone away. The stress of the divorce, poor health, and losing nearly all of my income and stability have changed me into a different person. I feel like the cloud that hides just a little bit over my shoulder most days will become permanent. Yes, there is medication and yes there is a counselor... but nothing keeps that cloud away for long.
Henry and I are still together. Jennifer and I had our relationship evolve slowly into more of a close friendship and become less romantic. Not without some tears, but we are still in each other's lives and fairly close.
My divorce became final nearly three years after this whole mess started- last month. I got screwed. Whoever says that women with children always win forgets that massive income disparity can create some pretty shitty imbalances.
Henry also suffers from some pretty substantial mental illness as well as physical disabilities. We're quite the pair so far, aren't we?
I don't know how I would have made it through all this without him. He's seen me at my worst, and that's pretty bad.
I love him and appreciate him more than I could ever say. I asked him to marry me, in a big public embarrassing proposal with a photographer to capture his reaction. He cried.
We're still going to be poly. But we're going to commit to each other. I don't see anything wrong with that.
I shared these thoughts on another thread in reply to a comment
"Honestly in this day and age there is no real need for marriage beyond protecting assets."
See, now this I don't agree with. It's all in how you view it. I'm still a hopeless romantic and I believe that marriage means that you are promising to commit to someone forever, through the rough times and the smooth. The legal stuff? To me, that's the gravy. And I say that as a recent divorcee of a ten year marriage.
My divorce was ugly but I can't shake the idealism. I think there is something to be said for making that commitment to want to be with someone for that length of time; not just as long as it's convenient or things are good or whatnot. And absolutely, you can feel that way without being married, but to me, it just feels different. To make that promise in front of the people who care about you- it's just a ritual, but I believe it's full of meaning.
The last thing I want is to slag other people's way of life; but I have interacted with a lot of people who identify as solo poly and I know that the way that at least these particular people practice isn't a lifestyle I can embrace. It's pretty much the opposite of what I want. I want to have someone who is always on my side, even when they don't agree with me. I want a partner to build a life with together because we are better when we share our resources. I think that people give up too easily on relationships nowadays; when a new person is only a swipe away, why bother to stick it out and fix the problems? I feel that the pendulum has swung too far from people never getting divorced, to people breaking up over nothing. And I feel when you've really got some skin in the game that it motivates you to work harder to solve your problems and make it work together. No relationship is ever going to be perfect.
At the same time, I want us both to still have the freedom to interact and connect with other people in whatever way we choose within the boundaries that we've negotiated. I don't believe love has to be exclusionary, and that we should be able to pursue love or sex or play or whatever combination of those that makes us happy.
I don't think that those have to be mutually exclusive concepts. Yes, I'm aware that we are actively pursuing a hierarchy, as no other relationship will receive equal benefits legally. I'm okay with that; I don't feel that I have enough resources to devote to another primary level relationship, frankly- and my partner feels the same. It's not merely a question of emotions even when you're dating monogamously- I've seen that over and over. It's what you are willing to put into a relationship. So I don't consider myself to be open to another relationship of the level where uneven legal issues is even a concern. And as long as I'm clear in my communication with any potential partner where those limits lie, I don't think I'm being unethical in any way. Different types of connections don't have to be "less", in my opinion. They're just different.
To be honest though I was taken aback by the commentary on how "anti-poly" it is for two single poly people to get married and to plan to continue being poly. Not necessarily here, but in general.