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Old 08-22-2012, 07:56 PM
kittycat kittycat is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Default Sex, self-esteem and new partners

I love my boyfriend deeply, but this is really starting to get to me - enough that I'm posting about it here!

Basically, besides a one-night fling, he hasn't had any new partners since me (three years ago.) He has 3 serious, long-term, loving relationships, but he is convinced that he's ugly and unattractive and that his sexuality is completely broken, because it's all about the newness with him.

I've just started getting to know somebody new, the first person I've been interested in since getting out of a 6-year no good very bad extremely abusive relationship 18 months or so ago. My partner is severaly depressed because he thinks that EVERYONE ELSE can get new partners all the time, and he just has to watch from the sidelines and feel left out.

It's affecting me because he's being very aggressive with me, even without necessarily meaning to, and he's lost all interest in sex. I'm hurt, confused, and starting to get kind of angry and frustrated too (much as I don't like myself for it.) Firstly all this makes me feel undervalued and worthless, like the fact that I love him and find him very attractive don't matter because I'm not the New Shiny any more. Secondly, it kind of pisses me off that someone with three stable, long term (18, 4 and 3 years respectively) relationships can keep insisting "no-one is interested!!" Thirdly, we're both aiming to be in this relationship for the long haul, and I'm worried in a more long-term sense that every time there's a period of more than a few months (this has been a bit of a thing for well over two years) where he doesn't hook up with anyone new, he will spiral into this deep depression. Basically, I don't think this NEED for a constant supply of new partners, one after the other, is healthy, either for him or for our relationship.

I... help, please, guys? I'm really stuck at this point.

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