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Old 08-22-2012, 08:32 PM
ThirdAlternative ThirdAlternative is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 8
Default New here, In a Poly, mixed-orientation marriage (MOM)

I call myself "thirdalternative", because rather than cheat or get a divorce, we decided to have an open, polyamourous relationship. I've been married 16 years to a wonderful man. We have 3 children. Five years ago, he came out. We worked through the rough patches and stayed together, because as unconventional as our relationship is, we still love each other and enjoy each other's company. We just don't have a sex life with each other anymore, but are intimate in other ways (hugs, holding hands, kisses). I think we'd be lost without the other.

Anyhow, we initially tried swinging together, it felt weird to me and most wanted one or the other. That's when we decided to have separate secondary and very clearly defined relationships. He has had a very nice BF for over 2 years now whom I personally know and who accepts us. I have had some experiences myself, but needless to say, the other fellows weren't too good at the honesty and consensual aspect of the whole poly thing. Most were scared off once they started to care for me, many were just cheaters who pretended to be single or separated. I became very good at recognizing them sooner after a while. Needless to say, it's been disheartening trying to find someone who is okay with polyamory for me..no problem for my husband though. And I don't consider myself unattractive! I just keep attracting cheaters, liars, and manipulators who will say just about anything to have a chance with me. SO FYI, I really don't think adult sites such as friendfinder or passion.com are the best places to meet someone who understands polyamory. I honestly don't know where to look, so I'm giving up on looking since I have to heal from a recent hysterectomy and try to get myself better. Thanks for having me.

I also wanted to add that I belong to a wonderful support group for the wives only of bi/gay husbands who want to stay together and work through it. There's a separate one for the men.

Last edited by ThirdAlternative; 08-22-2012 at 08:41 PM.
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