per request:
As I see it Ry, you have trouble with intimacy. You avoid your husband. You give your gf chunks of time and then it's off to work! To the gym! Teas! Mani pedis! Posting almost daily and in great detail here on the board. Then Beyonce, Disney, nightclubs, it just never stops.
It does stop. I keep myself busy, though. I dislike being idle. It is hard for me to not be at work right now. Being at stay at home mother is challenging for me. It is not that I do not love my children and want to spend oodles of time with them. I just desire grown-up interaction and a break from the laundry, the schedules, and the every day. I will never be a woman who can devote her all to home. It is not in me.
I am so conditioned to working or being busy Now, I am finished with school, my fellowship, and I have no idea what to do with myself. It was weird spending a full day with my children. I cannot remember the last time I did that. I had my son, and I was still working on my fellowship from home. The research side of it. It kills me inside to be idle. Relaxing? New for me. I posted on here to vent because DH was usually at work, on call, or distancing himself from me. My fellow Sloanies and friends did not understand my want for poly in my life. It has always been a foreign concept to them. I found something to fill my free time in the form of going out, joining a yoga class, going to concerts, and trying to force myself to relax. I am the only poly person in my group of close friends. Now social acquaintances is different. I would never feel comfortable confiding in them.
You've got a full time job and a nanny to keep you from spending time with your young children. You don't nurse your baby, you pump your milk and let Nanny give it to him in a bottle.
The nanny is not to stop me from spending time with my children. I never wanted a nanny. I was almost sure I wanted to put my children in nurseries until their paediatrician talked me out of it. We both work full-time, so someone had to watch them while we worked. I was going to put my son in a nursery here until we were told it would be $32k for a one year old. So keeping the nanny it was.
And you've admitted in the recent past, even when you're with Matt, you used to be on your phone texting and not really present for him.
It was not all the time, though. I was on my laptop, too. Work had to be done. It was not to ignore him and not be present. He never saw the phone on date nights or what was established quality time. Now, if we were watching a movie, there were times when he would be on his iPad or phone, too.
It seems like you are constantly running from one person to another to avoid really being present for anyone. And then distracting yourself with spending money in between. Packets of money. Thousands and thousands of pounds, now dollars.
I probably do have a spending problem. I am not a heavy drinker. I am not a gambler. I do not smoke, but I do love shoes and handbags. One of the reno requests was for the expansion of the master closet. It was expanded by 140 sq. m. We needed more space. He is still fussing about that. I am now under another shoe ban.
My daughter's party was steeply discounted because my friend owns the company, so while it may have cost 500+ gbp for anyone else, it was a fraction of that because we knew her.
Yes, you are terrible at "polyamory" and you shouldn't do it. Don't see Si, and in fact, I'd recommend you stop with all the fucking texting and emailing too. You've got 2 kids-- babies!-- you've got a long long suffering husband, you've got the demanding career. Take time and really enjoy your man's voice, his sex, his humor. Learn to cuddle. Take time to really enjoy your kids, they grow up so fast.
I agree with you. I know I have two small children, and they do grow up fast. I have tweaked my career, so it is not nearly as demanding. That is why I have spent three years going a few steps further. I wanted to make sure that I had more time for my children. It was not fair to them to see me an hour or however long per day because ridiculously long hours kept me away. I worked my ass off to make sure that would never be my reality again.
I am enjoying my DH. I love his voice and his accent. Every morning, we spend at least hour together. We do the same thing at night. The first night in the house, we cuddled in front of the fireplace and had a couple of glasses of wine. My phone was upstairs, and I was not worried about. Our children were sleeping peacefully, and we were able to focus on us.
You say things were good before the kids came along. It's obvious you can't handle kids AND a marriage, AND another relationship now. So. Stop it.
Yes, things were good. Actually great. I was not travelling all the time. I was bound by school and work commitments, so there was no chance for any of this. The first six years of our marriage were highly uneventful, which is why things were great.
I actually do not have the time for another relationship. I am going to be tied up with ballet, playgroups, meetings with the Parent Association, work, and everything else.
Thank you, Mags.