Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-06-2018, 02:12 AM
tennesseegalz24 tennesseegalz24 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 1
Default How to tell your boyfriend that you are polyamorous?

Howdy, yall. So I finally figured out who I am in terms of my sexual preference. Thats why my marriage didnt go so well. I have love for more than one person. Well I have been dating this guy I really like for like a month now. Here's my thing how can I go about asking him to be a polygamous relationship and not lose him. While making my own self happy in the relationship?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-06-2018, 06:00 AM
Evie Evie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 706
Default

Don't ask him, tell him that this is who you are and how you conduct your relationships. If you "lose him" then you weren't a good match in the first place.

Then add "polyamorous" to whatever profile you are most likely to meet people through and live authentically from day 1 with the next guy.
__________________
Me (Evie): 41F
Adam: 49M, husband, nesting partner, best fr

My NZ friends of varying intimacies: Chalk, Cheese, Tech, Siege, Golf, Mike, Shakespeare.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-06-2018, 07:46 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 934
Default

I agree with Evie. You've been seeing this guy for a month, that's still really new. Just tell him you finally realized this thing about yourself and tell him you hope he is comfortable but understand if he's not. Then let him decide if it's something he wants.
__________________
Me: AG - 28yo, finding herself
Hubby: My awesome husband. Together for over a decade.
Boy: Boyfriend. Known for about 6 years - involved off and on the whole time.
Little Girl: My and Hubby's daughter. 2.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-06-2018, 10:14 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,260
Default

Greetings tennesseegalz24,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Evie and AlwaysGrowing are both right, just tell your boyfriend that you have realized this about yourself, and that you wonder how he feels about it. Hopefully you won't lose him, but keep in mind some people are hardwired to be monogamous. That may include him. You would not want him to try to make you be monogamous, so don't try to make him be polyamorous unless that's something he wants to do.

Hopefully this thread has helped you so far.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-07-2018, 03:13 PM
edpsy77 edpsy77 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 71
Default Have you come out to your friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by tennesseegalz24 View Post
Howdy, yall. So I finally figured out who I am in terms of my sexual preference. Thats why my marriage didnt go so well. I have love for more than one person. Well I have been dating this guy I really like for like a month now. Here's my thing how can I go about asking him to be a polygamous relationship and not lose him. While making my own self happy in the relationship?
I agree with the other posters. But I am curious have you told your friends? If you have what is their response. I hope they are poly accepting even if they are monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-12-2018, 11:38 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,076
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tennesseegalz24 View Post
Howdy, yall. So I finally figured out who I am in terms of my sexual preference. Thats why my marriage didnt go so well. I have love for more than one person. Well I have been dating this guy I really like for like a month now. Here's my thing how can I go about asking him to be a polygamous relationship and not lose him. While making my own self happy in the relationship?
I date using the site OK Cupid. It's mentioned in my profile and in the questions and answers you can fill out to determine your match algorithims, that I am polyamorous (and that I have a female nesting partner, and that we do not share partners, etc.).

It's only fair to let a new dating partner know up front that you are not interested in exclusivity.

And btw, some newbie polys, in the midst of infatuation (NRE) will decide to be Closed with a new hot partner. They are overwhelmed with falling in love. But after the first rush fades, they will probably want to be Open. So don't make the mistake of telling a new person you will be Closed with them. You might change your mind after a few months.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my partner since January 2009, living together full time 6 years
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-21-2018, 01:02 AM
MayDecember MayDecember is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 134
Default

This is the first time, in human history, that a woman has asked "how do I tell him that... [XYZ]".

The DNA of women has had 2.5 million years to work on being subtle so that you don't get a stone axe through the forehead for speaking up.

So you are not to be blamed. But the ears of men on the other hand have been trained to listen only to things imparted by stone axe to the forehead.

A paradox we can't solve here, but try this experiment. "I am poisoning your pie with strichnine honey, can I have some money for the drug store?". He's going to say "yes dear, my wallet is on the dresser."

All he hears is "bzzeng gfoefje efojewf eweff money fjeejf foefje store.

So you really got to whack 'em good with it. Make sure it sticks.

Seriously, a lot of guys are going to want to shove it aside, pretend they didn't hear it, hoping that this is the end of it.

Make it stick. They are going to answer in the affirmative if they got the message. Check. Poly. I am cool with that, let's figure out what we mean by that. And I'm a fisherman. It means I can sit out all night with a coleman lantern on the edge of a lake putting worms on hooks and just watching the bobber. That's what I mean by fisherman.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-26-2018, 02:39 PM
Hela's Avatar
Hela Hela is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 14
Default

Hello state sister! Im in TN as well.
Definitely tell him asap, for sure. Who knows, he might be down. But I do know it's a lot to process initially. Loki had some issues, himself, and even though I dont function as a poly person anymore, he knew from the start that was my life and what I had to offer and never pressured me to change.
__________________
Myself: F/28, pansexual, mono, little/switch
Loki: M/42, Hela's BF, bisexual, mono, daddy/sis/switch
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:58 PM.