Polyamory, Good in Theory, Hard in Application

Octandempus

New member
Hello, everyone.

I have identified as being polyamorous for about two years now, though I feel I have been polyamorous forever. I have lived with a partner for about four years now. We are not sexually or romantically involved, but I view our relationship as a strong platonic one. We are best friends. We are partners financially. We do nearly everything together. mes. He is disabled so he does rely on my help with many things physically, though I feel that he has been a strong emotional support for me and so we are even. Even though we are just platonic friends, I will always live with them and have them be a part of my life. I have always felt polyamorous, I just haven't really been able to ever practice it. Well, four days ago out of sheer curiosity, I made an OKCupid account and literally the first person I find on there was a girl's profile I really liked(Pansexual polyamorous person) so I sent a message just as they were sending me a message. 300 walls of text later and two days later, we meet up. We talked for three and half hours about politics, interests, sociology, and so many weird things. At the end of our date we kissed and embraced each other and it was (And I hate to say this) magical. Meanwhile, my current partner, I will call him C, worries that I am moving too fast with, let's call her L, which I do understand. One one hand it is way too fast considering I just met L four days ago to feel so romantically attracted to her, yet I am and she admitted she was to me. So right now I'm trying to tone things down and take things slow with L, because C, reasonably because of what's happened in his past with people he was friends with, is very worried that I might run off with L. So I'm trying to open a dialogue between L and C but C feels like if they bring something up, they are going to get teamed up on. I think C really worries that if it comes to sides, I will take L's side I suppose. What should I do? I love C and they are my partner in crime and bestest friend, but I am in love with L. I want to be with them both.
 
It is only four days! You might have fallen hard, but there is no way to know what comes out of this all.

Give C a break about your new crush. You can keep dating L and just not talk that much about her at home. Give your current partner time to adjust. And, there is no need for them two to open a dialogue! You can keep the relationships separate, at least for now or even for good.

Get to know your new crush better, keep being a good partner to C. That is the way to see where things are heading to.
 
Hi Octa,

The best way to reassure C is to prove it in your actions over time; that is, show him you won't leave him by staying with him. Verbal reassurance is a good idea too, you should do both. Of course I am assuming that C hasn't hit you with an ultimatum (where you have to choose between him and L). If he has, I can't give you the kind of advice you want. I'd have to tell you to choose. :(

Hopefully C will start to feel better about L as time goes by.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Sounds like you're having some serious NRE with L! Enjoy it :) You're wise to acknowledge how it is affecting C and that really shows in itself how much you care about him. Keep at it, and keep being emotionally honest and respectful :):)
 
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