stillfiguringthingsout
New member
Hi All,
I haven't posted here in a while. Things have generally been good however I need some advice regarding how to deal with my metamour.
We are going on a big vacation in a few weeks - me, my significant other, his wife and her boyfriend. We all get along very well but I have to admit privately that she is driving me crazy and I really have no one to talk to about it except here.
I am feeling very secure in my relationship with my OSO (J), in fact we are celebrating our 5 year anniversary this month. I like his wife (D) but I find her very manipulative and emotionally controlling, not with me but with J. Generally I try very hard to 'mind my own business and bite my tongue but this can be incredibly difficult when I am there to witness her behaviour. The few times that I voice my concerns to J I've noticed that I inadvertently hurt him as well when I point out how she treats him. This is the last thing that I want to do , I know that he is between a rock and a hard place so I keep my silence.
Whenever we are all together D constantly is bringing up all the fun times her and J have had...on vacations, etc., how they always are thinking the same thing, that she just loves his sense of humour...every single time, over and over...for 5 years. I know that they have been married for over 30 years, I know that they have history together, I know all the stories she keeps repeating almost by heart.
This is my first polyamorous relationship. I intellectually understand that I am sharing him but I do feel jealousy where his wife is concerned although I very very rarely verbalize it. This relationship is a choice I have made and I have to deal with everything that that entails.
Being around her now is causing me incredible anxiety as I steel myself for the onslaught or reminiscing and togetherness that she seems to love to throw in my face. I need help on how to deal with it. I'm starting to believe that she does it purposefully since she sees how close J and I have become but we/I are always discrete and respectful when around D. As an aside, my husband has an OSO that I love and I would never, ever torture her the way I feel I am being tortured. I think it is incredibly mean and selfish.
Instead of looking forward to our vacation I am very concerned that I may no longer be able to hold my tongue and say something that I will not regret but that will herald the end of my relationship with J.
I am seriously considering therapy to learn how to handle my growing anger and resentment.
I don't know if I can talk to her. Her behaviour is very unpredictable. How can I ask a wife to not reminisce with her husband? I can't, I don't have that right which she will happily remind me of. I don't feel like I have any power in this relationship...she holds all the cards.
*sigh*
I haven't posted here in a while. Things have generally been good however I need some advice regarding how to deal with my metamour.
We are going on a big vacation in a few weeks - me, my significant other, his wife and her boyfriend. We all get along very well but I have to admit privately that she is driving me crazy and I really have no one to talk to about it except here.
I am feeling very secure in my relationship with my OSO (J), in fact we are celebrating our 5 year anniversary this month. I like his wife (D) but I find her very manipulative and emotionally controlling, not with me but with J. Generally I try very hard to 'mind my own business and bite my tongue but this can be incredibly difficult when I am there to witness her behaviour. The few times that I voice my concerns to J I've noticed that I inadvertently hurt him as well when I point out how she treats him. This is the last thing that I want to do , I know that he is between a rock and a hard place so I keep my silence.
Whenever we are all together D constantly is bringing up all the fun times her and J have had...on vacations, etc., how they always are thinking the same thing, that she just loves his sense of humour...every single time, over and over...for 5 years. I know that they have been married for over 30 years, I know that they have history together, I know all the stories she keeps repeating almost by heart.
This is my first polyamorous relationship. I intellectually understand that I am sharing him but I do feel jealousy where his wife is concerned although I very very rarely verbalize it. This relationship is a choice I have made and I have to deal with everything that that entails.
Being around her now is causing me incredible anxiety as I steel myself for the onslaught or reminiscing and togetherness that she seems to love to throw in my face. I need help on how to deal with it. I'm starting to believe that she does it purposefully since she sees how close J and I have become but we/I are always discrete and respectful when around D. As an aside, my husband has an OSO that I love and I would never, ever torture her the way I feel I am being tortured. I think it is incredibly mean and selfish.
Instead of looking forward to our vacation I am very concerned that I may no longer be able to hold my tongue and say something that I will not regret but that will herald the end of my relationship with J.
I am seriously considering therapy to learn how to handle my growing anger and resentment.
I don't know if I can talk to her. Her behaviour is very unpredictable. How can I ask a wife to not reminisce with her husband? I can't, I don't have that right which she will happily remind me of. I don't feel like I have any power in this relationship...she holds all the cards.
*sigh*