ThreesACrowd
New member
Issue: I feel like I'm in an awkward position when my gf gives me most of her time and affection because I live with her and my meta, so I can feel the awkward tension in the air.
In a V with our gf as the hinge. The three of us are really close; I have an interesting relationship with my meta, more than friend but not dating. Regardless, sometimes more obviously than other times, my gf tends to ask to lay in my arms, ask me out on dates, and only have sex with me (to be fair, they weren't having much sex before I came along) more than she does him. We all live in a smallish apartment so it's pretty easy to notice the discrepancies. Not to mention, I know for a fact my meta feels tht this is happening and struggles with insecurity and concern that their relationship is getting "old" (in a bad way). He has compared how she looks, behaves with, and interacts with me and that comparison also leads him to feel down and negative. I'm very empathetic, so I feel his pain and I'm very sensitive to it. But being the receiving end of what he NEEDS from our gf is what makes me feel like I'm in an awkward position.
How do I treat this? I don't feel right asking my gf to give me space when it's not that I actually need space. Plus these are the Meta's feelings at play, not mine. It's their relationship issue not mine. But in the moment when she's cuddled up with me, and not him, and I peer over and see him looking sadly, I feel sad too. Yesterday was his birthday, and when we were chilling, she decided to snuggle up with me. We all share a huge floor bed, yet somehow when we cuddle, she's mostly on me. I tried to stop myself, but eventually asked her casually when the meta left the room whether she wanted to cuddle with him instead. She said she already was (her feet were entangled with his). . I shouldn't have said anything, I know.
I am intimate with my meta, so cuddling and what not with him is a norm these days. If he's looking lonely, I'll reach across and touch him or have my arm around him in some fashion (and he's mentioned how good this makes him feel), but I also don't think it's my responsibility or a healthy thing for me to try and cuddle with him or touch him whenever I feel his gf is neglecting him. I have a bad habit of taking on other folks' emotions as my own.
So totally forgetting my Meta's problem and feeling, what can I do when I'm confronted with this awkward situation? Do I just get over my sympathies and enjoy the attention I'm getting? Or is being concerned and genuinely sad to see any negativity in their relationship not a bad thing as long...XYZ? Am I thinking about this too much? If it helps, they've been together almost 4yrs and she and I only 6 months, so likely there's some NRE issues going on (I'm pretty sure I'm no longer under the NRE spell).
In a V with our gf as the hinge. The three of us are really close; I have an interesting relationship with my meta, more than friend but not dating. Regardless, sometimes more obviously than other times, my gf tends to ask to lay in my arms, ask me out on dates, and only have sex with me (to be fair, they weren't having much sex before I came along) more than she does him. We all live in a smallish apartment so it's pretty easy to notice the discrepancies. Not to mention, I know for a fact my meta feels tht this is happening and struggles with insecurity and concern that their relationship is getting "old" (in a bad way). He has compared how she looks, behaves with, and interacts with me and that comparison also leads him to feel down and negative. I'm very empathetic, so I feel his pain and I'm very sensitive to it. But being the receiving end of what he NEEDS from our gf is what makes me feel like I'm in an awkward position.
How do I treat this? I don't feel right asking my gf to give me space when it's not that I actually need space. Plus these are the Meta's feelings at play, not mine. It's their relationship issue not mine. But in the moment when she's cuddled up with me, and not him, and I peer over and see him looking sadly, I feel sad too. Yesterday was his birthday, and when we were chilling, she decided to snuggle up with me. We all share a huge floor bed, yet somehow when we cuddle, she's mostly on me. I tried to stop myself, but eventually asked her casually when the meta left the room whether she wanted to cuddle with him instead. She said she already was (her feet were entangled with his). . I shouldn't have said anything, I know.
I am intimate with my meta, so cuddling and what not with him is a norm these days. If he's looking lonely, I'll reach across and touch him or have my arm around him in some fashion (and he's mentioned how good this makes him feel), but I also don't think it's my responsibility or a healthy thing for me to try and cuddle with him or touch him whenever I feel his gf is neglecting him. I have a bad habit of taking on other folks' emotions as my own.
So totally forgetting my Meta's problem and feeling, what can I do when I'm confronted with this awkward situation? Do I just get over my sympathies and enjoy the attention I'm getting? Or is being concerned and genuinely sad to see any negativity in their relationship not a bad thing as long...XYZ? Am I thinking about this too much? If it helps, they've been together almost 4yrs and she and I only 6 months, so likely there's some NRE issues going on (I'm pretty sure I'm no longer under the NRE spell).
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