Hello! I'm hoping for 3 different pieces of advice...
*1) Suggestions on how to handle the topic of being pregnant with another man's kid with curious and possibly conservative friends and family, hurting as few feelings as possible.
*2) Please help me make a list of conversation topics/questions for both my husband and secondary. I'm sure there is a lot to ask that I haven't thought of as I'm new to this idea!
*3) If you have premonitions on unexpected issues, I'd love to hear them.
Background: My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have a young child together. My Secondary and I dated briefly more than a dozen years ago, continued as friends for a decade, and then he took Secondary lover position again a while back. Hubby and I are a couple of years into being inclusive and now I would like advice on taking things to the next level... of maybe to Intentional Family?
The Change: My hubby and I recently decided to not have another child together. He isn't interested in adoption but I'd really like my son to experience life with a sibling. He is still young, wants a sibling and is so easy going. Neither hubby or I are 100% on having another one so I'm ok with his reluctance to commit to a new baby. However, my secondary and friend for many years has always wanted a child but has never found the right open-minded girl. We are talking about possibly having his baby but I'm worried about the social issues we'd have to deal with and disruptions in the relationship with my husband's family. :-(
Both men are awesome in completely different ways, 110% love our child and have been around regularly his whole life. I plan to continue living most of the year with my hubby and my Second would likely move to our town. I already casually mentioned the idea to hubby in a brief conversation (no indicative reaction back) so my main concern with him is how we'd handle with the issue with his very Catholic family and preventing any discomfort for my child.
Don't Want: It's easy to just think 'do what makes you happy and forget everyone else' but I love and respect my inlaws. I know that this would be impossible for them to understand and may 'out' our lifestyle to everyone immediately or in years to come. In addition, the extended family is so conservative, they'd likely never speak to us again.
Any and all advice and similar stories are appreciated.
I appreciate blunt thoughts so no need to sugarcoat it.
I feel so lucky to have found this place in life but trapped by society expectations and hurting the outside, religious family I love.
An early thanks to you. I know this is a lengthy post...
*1) Suggestions on how to handle the topic of being pregnant with another man's kid with curious and possibly conservative friends and family, hurting as few feelings as possible.
*2) Please help me make a list of conversation topics/questions for both my husband and secondary. I'm sure there is a lot to ask that I haven't thought of as I'm new to this idea!
*3) If you have premonitions on unexpected issues, I'd love to hear them.
Background: My husband and I have been together for 8 years and have a young child together. My Secondary and I dated briefly more than a dozen years ago, continued as friends for a decade, and then he took Secondary lover position again a while back. Hubby and I are a couple of years into being inclusive and now I would like advice on taking things to the next level... of maybe to Intentional Family?
The Change: My hubby and I recently decided to not have another child together. He isn't interested in adoption but I'd really like my son to experience life with a sibling. He is still young, wants a sibling and is so easy going. Neither hubby or I are 100% on having another one so I'm ok with his reluctance to commit to a new baby. However, my secondary and friend for many years has always wanted a child but has never found the right open-minded girl. We are talking about possibly having his baby but I'm worried about the social issues we'd have to deal with and disruptions in the relationship with my husband's family. :-(
Both men are awesome in completely different ways, 110% love our child and have been around regularly his whole life. I plan to continue living most of the year with my hubby and my Second would likely move to our town. I already casually mentioned the idea to hubby in a brief conversation (no indicative reaction back) so my main concern with him is how we'd handle with the issue with his very Catholic family and preventing any discomfort for my child.
Don't Want: It's easy to just think 'do what makes you happy and forget everyone else' but I love and respect my inlaws. I know that this would be impossible for them to understand and may 'out' our lifestyle to everyone immediately or in years to come. In addition, the extended family is so conservative, they'd likely never speak to us again.
Any and all advice and similar stories are appreciated.
I appreciate blunt thoughts so no need to sugarcoat it.
I feel so lucky to have found this place in life but trapped by society expectations and hurting the outside, religious family I love.
An early thanks to you. I know this is a lengthy post...
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