Just LR

I reviewed this blog and my Wordpress blog. I found in August 2011 a reference to my current boyfriend as "Mr. LR". That works.
So he's been your bf since 2011? That's hardly a new bf then. He's Mr LR, like he's been your virtual husband since 2011?

I am not sure why you have a condo and a house. Is the condo now mostly for the kids and the house is now yours to live in?
 
So he's been your bf since 2011? That's hardly a new bf then. He's Mr LR, like he's been your virtual husband since 2011?

I am not sure why you have a condo and a house. Is the condo now mostly for the kids and the house is now yours to live in?
Mags, I am laughing so hard. We have known each other since summer of 1988. But we didn't date until summer 2018. We have the same first name and my kids have always called him "Mr. First Name". So when I referenced him in my blog in the past, I called him Mr LR because it was simpler than trying to think of a fitting nickname.

I moved in with him, in his condo, when Maca filed for divorce and tried to move in his brand new (met one month prior) girlfriend. The court case went on for nearly a year before the courts awarded me the house.

So, I live in the condo with Mr. LR, while GG, Salty Pea, Sweet Pea rent the house. Sour Pea splits her time 1/2 with me at the condo and 1/2 at the house with her brothers and GG.
 
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Still moving along. I started putting in job applications, aiming to find something with better pay, more pertinent to my education. I have done two interviews recently and another is scheduled for tomorrow.

I've also started the application process for my PhD. One step at a time.

Salty Pea, Sweet Pea, and GG are still renting the house. Sour Pea will be moving there full time in August so she can attend high school out there.

I am still at the condo with Mr. LR. I spend every other weekend at the house, for 3-4 days.

Last month was rough as fuck. I brought up poly and pretty much everything went to hell in a handbasket. Communication went to nothing. We reached some level of peace last week. But there remains a lot of emotional conflict-- at least for me. I have opted to take some time to really dig into exactly what I am feeling and how best to proceed before continuing the discussion. I explained that the response and resulting conflict of the last month was overwhelming, and I needed time to work through the shit that brought up, before returning to the poly discussion.

We (Mr LR and I) are equally committed to maintaining our friendship. But we are in stark disagreement about how to proceed. I suspect it's not rocket science to see where things will end up But it feels disrespectful to make that assumption based on my prior experience. At least we both deserve a chance to express what we want and how we prefer to get to what we want, so we can discuss how to navigate that.

In the meantime, the larger we, the whole family across two households is doing well.

Mr LR and I spent the last four days working on projects with everyone else at the house. It's FINALLY coming together and projects are being finished. It feels good to be able to finally FINISH things.

I haven’t had any contact with Maca. I am aware that he went back to Kodiak. The health issues have not been brought up recently. Idk if that is a result of them being swept under the rug or resolved. But based on the severity of the issues and his attitude about all things health-related, I am willing to bet they have been swept under the carpet.

His did notify me that he split all of his retirement and life insurance policies evenly between Sweet Pea, Salty Pea, Sour Pea and me, with the request that I give Spicy Pea the portion delegated to me. Evidently he couldn't figure out how to list her. I didn't ask because I didnt reply.
I am happy to have him out of my life in most ways. I hear about him occasionally, but mostly not.

Sour Pea has not changed her stance about him. I worry less as she becomes more open about her feelings and thoughts. How did she get so smart?!? She will turn 14 this month. She is so confident, so real about herself and her expectations and her boundaries. Its awesome to watch and listen to her. She is inspiring to me.
 
We are back to our natural peace. What a weird thing to say, but it's true.

We've struggled through some difficult conversations, but ultimately concluded that there wasn't anything significant changing. The difficult conversations were a matter of clarifying what different words meant to Mr LR and me. We agreed, our relationship is poly. Mostly he was just concerned as to what would change. (We had been quarantined for a large part of the last 2 years).

He and GG get along well. We already spend our time together as a family for summer camping, family vacations, and holidays.

- I am still splitting time between the house where GG, Sour Pea, Sweet Pea, and Salty Pea live, and the condo where Mr. LR is.
- I got a new job that pays almost $10/hour more than the previous one.
- I started my PhD program and finished the first seven week session with an A grade.

Mr. LR has been tentatively talking to a sweet lady. He's unsure how he feels about taking any romantic/sexual steps himself. She is open to it and friendly with both of us. She's a great person, with prior experience in open relationships. Her SO died a little over a year ago and she is not interested in getting into an escalator-style relationship at this time. But she is open to having more than platonic activities with a trusted friend. She is bisexual.

I am not interested, but Mr LR is on the fence. Regardless, we all get along. She has come out to the house as well, and hung out with GG and the kids and me. Everyone gets along well, which is awesome.

GG hasn't changed his stance on what he wants or doesn't want. He isn't interested in being with anyone but me. He has grown to enjoy his independence much more and he has a much busier life now, which is good. Our time apart was important for his growth and we have been able to rebuild our friendship on stronger ground. He chooses not to label our current relationship. It "just is," which works well for me, too.

Mostly, there's been a lot of laughter and joy in the last couple years. At the height of the "shitstorm" this summer, there was no yelling, no threats, no volatility, just some tears as fears and prior trauma was expressed. The awesome part was having all of us, me, GG, Mr. LR, the lady friend, all talking through the emotions and trauma together, supportive of each other, just kind and considerate and caring, without blame or caustic attitudes.

Even the adult kids noticed that we all continued to talk and work and spend time together while we discussed difficult topics, without any REAL DRAMA. What a fucking concept. Adults taking on adult issues and handling them like mature adults.

Mr. LR has been getting out more. He's much more of an extrovert than I am and he has much more "free" time to devote to the world. I have been buckling down, with school starting back up.

I am continuing to work on major upgrades on the house. I got all of the windows replaced. I will be finishing up the flooring upstairs in the next couple weeks. The bathroom is almost finished. The boys painted the ceilings. GG has been working on those projects side-by-side with me and we have had some good talks while we work. It's been so nice to be able to get projects done without fighting.

We were all sitting around talking about how much we have gotten done in the last year-and-a-half. We have done more in this short time than we were able to get done in the whole 20 years prior. Just being able to sit and make a plan together and then everyone working together without anyone dragging their feet or undermining the projects has made a huge difference.

Sour Pea is killing it in her first year of high school. She continues to amaze. A couple weeks back, GG went to tears trying to explain to me that he is amazed by her. He was explaining how much she impresses him and how relieved he is that she is so smart, secure and stable in her beliefs and in who she is. She's so confident about what she wants and especially what she does not want in life. It was pretty sweet watching him. She's an amazing kid. Almost grown.

Sweet Pea was talking to me about her and just grinning from ear to ear in his personal pride over how awesome she is and that he got to play a part in that, as the big brother who was still living at home throughout her whole life. For my part, I am proud of all the kids. But I agree with Sweet Pea and GG, Sour Pea got the benefit of having much more stability and it shows in her willingness to speak her mind and her ability to do so in a way that makes people listen.

GG, Mr. LR and I flew to Seattle with Sour Pea to see Green Day, Weezer and Fall Out Boy in concert. It was awesome. So much laughter. The best part was when Green Day played her favorite song and she flung herself into my arms, tears running down her face, screaming, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MOMMY." Mr. LR got pictures of that moment, and GG cried also, just watching. I grinned and held her in my arms and whispered, "I love you too" in her ear. So awesome when your teenager screams that across a stadium. LOL!
 
So glad that things are going so well for you and yours, LR. I hope the future will be better than ever.
 
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