I am new to both poly and this forum. Please be kind!
I have unintentionally become tangled. Or perhaps more accurately, I’ve become tangled in my friend’s tangle.
He is Christian, married to a lovely woman who is also very jealous. They met in seminary and their church and faith are very important to them. Only, he is polyamorous at heart - he was in a triad with 2 women before joining the seminary, he has never been fully comfortable with monogamy and now, well, there’s me. We met about 6 months ago and our souls knew each other. His wife knows we are friends* and tolerates it - he’s still surprised by that, she’s suspicious even of his female cousin - although she doesn’t know the depth or extent. I have become somewhat close friends with her.
We both hate the dishonesty. We have each tried to end it and have ended up miserable - my husband told me to get back in touch because he couldn’t stand to see me like that. We each feel the other makes us a better person (dishonesty notwithstanding) and the friendship benefits both our marriages. Despite them moving halfway across the world we rely on each other via text.
How can he come clean? She has a biblical view of marriage (*that* was an interesting discussion topic to fall into with her!). Is it possible for that to co-exist with polyamory? How can I support him and/or her through whatever may happen? Any resources that may help, specifically dealing with Christianity?
I am very aware that I am on the losing end of this, but I don’t want to leave him with a broken marriage or on the road to a lifetime of affairs.
* When I say friends... deep friends, mostly via text. We’ve shared an unexpected kiss but have discussed a lot more.
** I know this is, for him, cheating. It happened before we knew it in specific circumstances. We are trying to make it right. **
I have unintentionally become tangled. Or perhaps more accurately, I’ve become tangled in my friend’s tangle.
He is Christian, married to a lovely woman who is also very jealous. They met in seminary and their church and faith are very important to them. Only, he is polyamorous at heart - he was in a triad with 2 women before joining the seminary, he has never been fully comfortable with monogamy and now, well, there’s me. We met about 6 months ago and our souls knew each other. His wife knows we are friends* and tolerates it - he’s still surprised by that, she’s suspicious even of his female cousin - although she doesn’t know the depth or extent. I have become somewhat close friends with her.
We both hate the dishonesty. We have each tried to end it and have ended up miserable - my husband told me to get back in touch because he couldn’t stand to see me like that. We each feel the other makes us a better person (dishonesty notwithstanding) and the friendship benefits both our marriages. Despite them moving halfway across the world we rely on each other via text.
How can he come clean? She has a biblical view of marriage (*that* was an interesting discussion topic to fall into with her!). Is it possible for that to co-exist with polyamory? How can I support him and/or her through whatever may happen? Any resources that may help, specifically dealing with Christianity?
I am very aware that I am on the losing end of this, but I don’t want to leave him with a broken marriage or on the road to a lifetime of affairs.
* When I say friends... deep friends, mostly via text. We’ve shared an unexpected kiss but have discussed a lot more.
** I know this is, for him, cheating. It happened before we knew it in specific circumstances. We are trying to make it right. **